I've been working on a new website, and man alive, men alive (that's from The Simpsons, that is), technology has moved on since I last did one. As a result I have been grappling with, amongst other things, proxy settings, encryption functions, and feed cache settings. It's like the whole website industry has decided to communicate using Klingon. Bastards.
I remember the good old days when I painstakingly created my first ever website (with the unstinting help of my chum, Clare Jones) using html code. In those days you couldn't buy things online because shopping carts hadn't been invented. Actually thinking about it, I am probably sporting a pair of rose-tinted spectacles. Using html code was rubbish, and I accidentally deleted my website at least twice. So for the time being, I am going to have to swallow the complexities of the modern day website 'control panel', and accept that websites are now cleverer than me.
Enough of that website milarky before I: (1). get a hernia, meaning I can't eat my evening curry; or (2). have a seizure and spill my Bolly.
We are now going to regress, because I am taking you back to my holiday in Cornwall with Izzy, and friends Sarah and Gary.
One of the main reasons I wanted to go on holiday in Cornwall, was that I wanted to visit something called the 'Eden Project'.
"What the blazes is the Eden Project?" I hear you cry.
Well it all started in 1996, when a group of mentalists visited a redundant clay pit (basically an enormous, inhospitable, barren hole in the ground, like a meteor crater) and decided to prove that social and environmental regeneration could be achieved anywhere.
They decided to dedicate the whole site to conservation by filling it with rare and exotic gardens, including the world's largest indoor rainforest. And they planned to do it all as a charity. If I had been involved in the planning, I'd have thought there was more chance of the Queen making a sex tape, than the project succeeding.
But they pulled it off, and in 2001, the Eden Project opened to the public.
And that is where we are going today ....... [drum roll] ...... please let me introduce ...... the Eden Project [takes flourishing bow].
Pic.No.1 This was the entrance to the Eden project
Pic.No.2 This was our first sight of the Eden Project vista. It extended as far as the eye could see, and a lot further beyond too. How can I make my camera take wide pictures?
Pic.No.3 Dominating the Eden Project were two enormous (the biggest in the world) greenhouses, seemingly fashioned from bubble-wrap and tent poles
Pic.No.4 I later discovered that only plebs call them greenhouses. Apparently, the proper name is 'biomes'. I had to look it up in the dictionary and it defined a biome as: A large community of plants and animals that occupies a distinct region. So, semantically speaking, the structures are not biomes. But the environments housed within, are. If my Dad was here, he would be shouting 'pedant' at me. Attention to detail, Pops ........!
Pic.No.5 Given that the sun was out, we decided to trek around the outdoor gardens first, rather than head straight to the Biomes (greenhouses)
Pic.No.6 The gardens were enormous and featured meandering paths, random sculptures, rare and beautiful plants, and nooks and crannies everywhere. I don't know what this sculpture was all about though. It looks like the utensil pot in my kitchen
Pic.No.7 Bloody hell. A purple flower that looks like a cabbage
Pic.No.8 I reckon that they nicked this idea from the 'Lost Gardens of Heligan' (opens in a new window). I think it is a sculpture of Boris Johnson melting into the ground
Pic.No.9 After touring the gardens, we decided to do the biomes (greenhouses) next. There were two to choose from: The Mediterranean biome, and the Rainforest biome. We chose the former to begin with, and there was a big bee with no eyes guarding the entrance
Pic.No.10 This is the sight that greeted us as we entered the Mediterranean biome. A papier mache rock next to a winding staircase dripping with Bourgainvillea
Pic.No.11 We headed up the staircase and when we reached the top, were afforded a lovely view of the Mediterranean restaurant at the bottom of the hill
Pic.No.12 Izzy was particularly taken with a wooden sheep thing
Pic.No.13 A robin red-breast
Pic.No.14 As we toured around the biome [greenhouse], we noticed that there was a circus performer doing aerial acrobatics on a rope (see the bloke in the middle of the picture?)
Pic.No.15 He was ok, but a bit samey. He kept tying himself up and then letting himself drop, only to be saved by the rope at the very last minute
Pic.No.16 A cactus. I wanted to nick it because it would make a cracking Christmas tree, but Sarah said no
Pic.No.17 Oh look! It's the Izster
Pic.No.18 I don't know .... it's got spikes on ..... a cactus ..... again?
Pic.No.19 Apparently these are Bacchanalian sculptures (I reckon someone invented that name to look brainy). I summise that the girl on the right is Kate Middleton, but I can't back that up
Pic.No.20 Flowers ..... flowers ...... flowers
Pic.No.21 Now you're talking ..... a driftwood pig. I want that one ... and when I get bored of it, it would make perfect kindling
Pic.No.22 After the Mediterranean biome [greenhouse], we decided to head for lunch at the Eden Project organic restaurant
Pic.No.23 The menu was dependant upon the crops in season. Which is why I ended up eating a quiche and salad. Apparently hot dogs and curry sauce weren't in season
Pic.No.24 Me and the hooligan having lunch
Then after lunch, it was time to visit the Eden Project's piece d'resistance ..... the rainforest biome [greenhouse]. So without further ado, we headed off to the biggest inside rainforest in the world (I know I have already mentioned that, but please indulge me. It's not often that we have the 'biggest' of anything in the UK).
Pic.No.25 This was the entrance to Rainforest biome. It constituted a myriad of paths meandering through dense jungle undergrowth
Pic.No.26 A jungle lake
Pic.No.27 Blimey, it even had a makeshift jungle shelter .....
Pic.No.28 ........ and proper jungle streams ....... all indoors and man-made don't forget. Bloody amazing
Pic.No.29 This was one of the rare plants. It's used to treat childhood leukemia. Probably not on the NHS (UK healthcare system) mind. I would want proper drugs, not Periwinkles
Pic.No.30 African Totem Poles hidden in a secluded nook
Pic.No.31 Hidden away in the undergrowth was a perfectly recreated Malaysian Hut. It only had two walls, so I guess they aren't a member of Neighbourhood Watch
Pic.No.32 A weird configuration of jungle pots
Pic.No.33 This waterfall was the highlight of the rainforest. It was at the very top of the biome and was enormous. I wish I had got a person in the photograph so that you could see the scale of it
Pic.No.34 Hurrah! It is Izzy and I posing opposite waterfall. You might not have realised, but Izzy wasn't happy. It was because it was hot, hot, hot. Yep, they had even recreated a rainforest climate. I've got
sweaty glowing hair
Pic.No.35 I tried to capture the height and depth of the jungle in this picture from the top of the greenhouse, but I didn't come close. I probably captured 5% of the total area
Pic.No.36 Izzy with Gary. She hero-worships him, she does. Here they are outside of an African market stall
Pic.No.37 And another market stall showcasing Rainforest products
Pic.No.38 Our last stop involved grabbing a smoothie from the Baobab Bar (Sarah left, and Gary, right). Baobab's a type of fruit that tastes like a cross between a gone-off banana, and a mouldy peach. Not that I am a connoisseur of jungle fruit, mind
Finally, we ended our tour of the Eden Project gardens and biomes (greenhouses). I have to say that they were ten times better than I expected, and I had expected a lot (go there, it's brilliant. Hang on, why aren't I getting commission?).
But now it was time to head back home. And the Eden Project still continued to delight ......
Pic.No.39 As we made our way to the exit, we happened upon this: WEEE Man (Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment). WEEE man is a three-tonne structure which represented the amount of WEEE the average British person throws away in their lifetime. I look like that in the morning after a night out
Pic.No.40 And finally, before we hit the exit, we passed 'The Core' building. It looked a bit like a hedgehog, and to be honest, I am not sure what it's purpose was ... there were a few dodgy 'hands-on' games for kids ... but that was it
So dahlink, having been there, I can highly recommend that you make a trip to the Eden Project. It is far better than the limitations of my camera.
And what the devil are you up to this weekend?