Thursday, 18 October 2012

Dog Sick and Taxidermy gone wrong ..... Part 3

Hurray! No more posts about my holidays which means that I can go back to doing what I enjoy most ....... talking random shit. Don't get me wrong, I do like writing about holidays, but it always takes ages because there are a squillion images that need editing, and whenever I resolve to do it, a new episode of Dragon's Den or Downton Abbey pops up. And I always succumb because I am probably weaker than Paris Hilton's pelvic floor.

On a totally unrelated note, you will be pleased to hear that after the 'crapping in the kitchen' saga, Naughty George is back to his old self.

After getting up at 7.30 this morning, I went downstairs to make myself a cup of tea. NG hauled himself out of his basket, woofed at me vacuously for 30 seconds whilst I was waiting for the kettle to boil, and then proceeded to spew copiously next to my foot .... heave after gut-wrenching heave.

If I had to pinpoint a positive arising from the general scenario, it was that his puke was very well formed. I could quite clearly make out all the mushrooms he had eaten because they looked like they had just been chopped, except they were tinted a biley-orangey colour.

But perplexedly, I hadn't given him any food with mushrooms in.

What's that all about, then? That's my Georgie ............................

After puke-gate, I decided to do some more research into one of my favourite hobbies .... discovering interesting things you can do with dead pets. After all, it seems such a waste to just bury them. And I have found some cracking uses for our dead companions in the past: 'When Taxidermy goes Wrong' and 'Addicted to Taxidermy: It's Dead Good' (both open in new windows).

And because I am like Ghandi, but with a better hairstyle, I have got some new taxidermy pictures to inspire you when Rover carks it .......

Pic.No.1 Jeez, I have got no idea what this animal is, but I want to put it on a pole outside my front door for comedy value. That'll stop the pizza leaflets

Pic.No.2 Blimey, Someone wanted to hold onto this image of their cat in the litter tray for posterity  ... did they preserve the crap as well?

Pic.No.3 It is wonderful thing seeing birds in their natural habitat, even though one of their heads has fallen off

Pic.No.4  The majestic beauty of a fox in full flight is captured by this skillful taxidermist

Pic.No.5. This is a great idea! No pet would ever be wasted if we all turned them all into a chest of drawers (disclaimer: only try this when they are dead)

Pic.No.6 "What? You want to stuff me?"

Pic.No.7 "RARRRRR! I'm SCARY ...... go away .... or I'll throw a pansy at you ..... RARRR!" The raw power of a bear is captured in this photograph

Pic.No.8 Another great idea. After some preliminary examinations, I have calculated that approximately 80% of dead pets could be made into footstools with their feet at funny angles

Pic.No.9 A natural-looking fox jumping out of a very short, hollowed-out tree stump, as is their wont

Pic.No.10 A Polar Bear with a California Smile .....

But my research has made me happen upon a Grand Finale when it comes to dead animals ...

I am not going to post about it now, but if you let me know what you would do with your dead pet, then I might just think about it.... ha ha ha (evil James Bond Baddy Laugh).

26 comments:

  1. Where do you find these pictures Anne?

    Can't say any of them appeal to me to be honest.

    My sympathies over Naughty Georges Rainbow Breakfast, things like this remind me why we don't have a pet.

    Note no comment about the email I sent you ref the spooky story!!! Mind you perhaps you read it to NG and the spewing was the result!!

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  2. I don't have a dead pet.
    Actually, I don't have a live one, either.
    If I did have a dead one though, I'd send it to you, just to see what your creative - yet, slightly warped - mind would make of it.

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  3. Well Annie, if keeping the ashes of our last two 'pets', a cat and a dog, on a shelf with photos of our parents qualifies, then I think we deserve to see and hear your Grande Finale!!

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  4. This may be a tenuous segue, but I once placed a tape recorder on a loop playing dogs barking in a large gift wrapped box under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. The kids were ecstatic, but found upon frantic unwrapping of said box an electric piano as their main gift alongside the tape player. They never did learn to play the piano but do now have a dog (I told you it was a tenuous link). The dog is not yet dead, but if it was I would definitely have it fashioned as a stuffed grand piano on furry dog legs to remind the kids of their inability to engage music.

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  5. It was tenuous, but worth it. That dog barking gag was bloody brilliant.
    Sorry to hear your dog is still alive, you can be far more creative with them when they are dead. Like your marvellous grand piano idea.



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  6. Ok, even though they are ashes (and it is technically quite difficult to do anything creative with them), you still qualify because you have dead pets!


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  7. Shame you don't have a dead pet. But if you did, I would mount it on a trolley, hollow out it's back and turn it into a mobile drinks cabinet. That way I could walk the "dog" and sip Bolly at the same time without arousing suspicion.



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  8. Having Max stuffed and placed lying on the rug would be just like Max today... just lying on the rug.
    some of those stuffed animals in your pics are terrible jobs I may add ewwwww.


    A

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  9. Those mushrooms might have been poisonous toadstools! Well done NG for getting rid of them.

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  10. They were nicely sliced poisonous toadstools though! I dunno, I don't know where he gets half the stuff he throws up.



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  11. OMG, yes I can see you dilemma with stuffing your dog. I think you need to get a bit more creative. Maybe you could turn him in to a cooler than dispenses cans of coke when you pull down his tail? Just a thought.....


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  12. My superhero power is finding weird pics! It keeps me out of trouble ;-)


    Yep, NG is enough to put anyone off pets ..... Loved the spooky story by the way - freaked me out!



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  13. Excellent! As soon as the kids' goldfish dies, I'll have it shipped straight over!

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  14. Great stuff. With a little added re-enforcement, that would make a great bottle opener.



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  15. Naughty George might make a dandy hood ornament. ;)

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  16. And I thought the stuff I posted today was bad. Those photos are gonna keep me up tonight.

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  17. Hello Annie - its very difficult to know where to begin. Wiping away the tears of laughter and recomposing myself for just a second, there must be a serious side to scooping the insides out of one's loved, but motionless companion, stuffing him/her with whatever, and layering on a silly smile. Buggered if I know what it is though. I guess the mouse-drawer cabinet scores highly for sheer utility value - a godsend for buttons, paperclips and elastic bands. But the "say it with flowers and a smiling bear" probably wins for shock value on special occasions.

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  18. What a brilliant post....The polar bear with the sparkling dentures is amazing. Where do you find these things?.....I'm gobsmacked I really am.....

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  19. great photos - especially the leaping fox. i've decided you may have my cat to practice on. enjoy.

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  20. The only problem is that he has got a sticky-up tail, so I would have to stare into his ringpiece every journey I took. Nice idea though ;-)



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  21. Oooh you got some more bad stuff? I've only just got over the bloke kayaking over that waterfall. I shall have to pop by again this evening. The pics won't keep you up chick, I know you are made of sterner stuff (I am remembering your laser-treatment post. It still makes me sting thinking about it!)



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  22. There used to be a stuffed polar bear in the foyer of Sacha's Hotel, Manchester. The basement was a nightclub and it appeared to be the height of Mancunian wit to ram beer bottles into the bear's behind.

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  23. Hello Beverly .... are you a new visitor round here? If so, welcome! Glad you like the pics. But to the point - I can have your cat?! That is bloody marvellous (and very relevant to the post I am just about to do). I need more people like you around here ;-) I am going to make him into a bedside table with a built-in radio.



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  24. Greetings Pete, glad you like it. I think if you do enough weird 'Google Searches', it gives up presenting normal results, and starts sending you random shit. I think I am in that place.



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  25. Hello Mike, first visit to my blog? Welcome! Glad you liked it .... it's good to appreciate other people's creative streaks. Umm, the bear was good, but I think the cheetah stool was my favourite because it's paws were at jaunty angles.



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  26. Greetings Steve, thanks for stopping by, are you a new visitor ..... if so, welcome! Well kind of welcome ...... if you had also supplied a picture of the bear's behind with a beer bottle rammed up it, you would have got extra brownie points (in addition to the ones you have already got for making me laugh - great story!)



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