However, I digress. My Cornish holiday is for another post because I haven't finished posting about my holiday in Cyprus yet. Ye gods, I am slacking. That's what happens if you try and fit too many sneaky holidays into the diary. But the way I look at it, Izzy needed to be entertained during the school holidays, and spending 6 weeks baking flapjacks and cupcakes at home would be the equivalent of a self-administered lobotomy.
Anyway, back to Cyprus where I was holidaying with the Izzy (the hooligan), Steve (the ex), and Mr and Mrs W (the ex-outlaws).
Mr and Mrs W asked me if there was anything in particular I wanted to do whilst I was in Cyprus. As luck would have it, I had already researched 'things to do in Cyprus', and had come up with a marvellous idea.
I cleared my throat: "I would like to visit the Kykkos Monastery in the Troodos mountains please."
The monastery was high up in the mountains (at an altitude of nearly a mile), was founded in the 11th century, and was the wealthiest monastery in Cyprus. Result: single chaps with lots of money and a great view: we couldn't go wrong.
Mr W didn't look impressed, "that is berluddy moiles away," he replied in his Birmingham accent.
"Yow did ask 'er what she wanted to do," piped up Mrs W.
"Spose so," he acquiesced.
So it happened that early on Thursday morning, we set off on our journey through the Troodos mountains. And because I am as kind as a monk (and I wear black dresses too - we've already got loads in common), I have got some pictures for you ......
Pic.No.1 The journey to Kykkos got steep very quickly
Vid.No.1 A view of the Cyprus mountains (22 seconds)
Pic.No.2 And as we progressed along the two and a half hour drive through the mountains, the scenery got wilder and the mountains got higher
Pic.No.3 You can just about see the road winding up the side of the mountain. It was like something out of the 'Italian Job' except that we weren't racing
Pic.No.4 Mr and Mrs W posing with Izzy after we stopped in the middle of nowhere for a break. I quickly realised that Nintendos are more interesting to hooligans than mountains
Pic.No.5 Hurrah! It's me at last. When this picture was taken, it had been an hour and a half since we had last seen any signs of civilisation. Who knew that Cyprus was so big?
Pic.No.6 I tried to capture how steep the mountains were. But they looked loads steeper in real life
Pic.No.7 After nearly three hours of driving up steep mountain trails, we eventually arrived at the Kykkos Monastery. I thought I had altitude sickness but it was probably Bolly-withdrawel. I hadn't been able to find any in Cyprus
Pic.No.8 We had to walk around the Monastery to find the entrance. From the outside it looked a bit like a prison
Pic.No.9 But then it stopped looking like a prison when we spied the entrance with it's breathtaking gold mosaics
Pic.No.10 This was the ceiling of the entrance hall. Those blokes on the left were the 'Clothes Police'. Basically, if you weren't covered up enough, they made you put on modesty gowns (which they supplied)
Pic.No.11 This was the main courtyard around which the monastery was mainly built
Pic.No.12 Mr and Mrs W were asked to wear modesty gowns because their legs were hanging out. Gawd knows what would happen if the monks saw some leg. It could get out of hand quite quickly I suppose
Pic.No.13 A view of the upper terrace in the main courtyard
Pic.No.14 The terraces all had amazing gold-leaf mosaics. If I was a criminal, I would have taken a blowtorch and made some gold bullion
Pic.No.15 Crikey, Mrs W looks like a contemplative monk in this picture. Upon further questioning, it turned out that she was thinking about pies
Pic.No.16 This is a view of the second courtyard inside of the monastery. The door on the bottom right led into the shop. And all you could buy there were rosaries and bibles. They would clean-up if they extended their repertoire to hamburgers
Pic.No.17 In this one, you can see how far the monastery goes up into the hillside and you can see a chap's stomach resting on the balustrades
Pic.No.18 This was one of the corridors leading to the Monk's "cells". Apparently monks sleep in cells, not bedrooms ...... but I'm not sure why .... have they been bad or something?
Pic.No.19 This is a picture of the monks' well. Yep, I thought it was a boring picture too
Pic.No.20 The whole place was decorated in a spectacular fashion
Pic.No.21 There was a bloody great Galleon hanging down from the ceiling
Pic.No.22 It's about time I got another picture of me and Izzy in. Here we are standing in front of a mosaic of some religious chaps
Pic.No.23 A corridor leading to more Monks' cells. All the doors were tiny - why's that then? But I have to say that the cells were nothing compared to the monastery's piece de resistance ......
Pic.No.24 This was the monastery's church ........... I'd never seen so much gold in one place before
Pic.No.25 ..... and that was before I clocked the altar ............. Jeez! it was gold-tastic
Pic.No.26 It was like something that Indiana Jones unwittingly discovered after fighting his way through a snake pit and out-running a huge stone ball. And see those pictures of religious peeps in the background? Visitors were queuing up for ages to kiss them
Pic.No.27 As we made our way back out of the monastery through the first courtyard, I rued the fact that I hadn't seen a monk
Pic.No.28 But as luck would have it, I spied a monky-type chap just as I arrived at the exit. He's the one in the black dress
Pic.No.29 On the journey home, we spotted Mount Olympus (the largest moutain in Cyprus). It's the one in the distance with all the clouds over it. That's me in front of it. My flip flops have got a bottle-opener built into the sole
Pic.No.30 This is a lake that we passed on the way home ...... Cyprus sure is purrrrdey
Pic.No.31 Now this is intriuging ....... we passed this place called 'Polemi Concentration Camp'. Apparently it was used to imprison Jews in the 1940s and has remained untouched since then. But I can't find any records of it on Wiki or anywhere...... sinister or what?
Pic.No.32 But the best bit of all was sepnding the evening in a Cypriot restaurant called Spilies Tavern Bar (the most rubbish website on the planet - it hardly mentions the restaurant) that was housed inside a cave. The weather was warm so we ate outside on the veranda ..................
Pic.No.33 I ordered the 'meze' (a selection of 15 small dishes - a bit like tapas), and it was sex on a plate. Here you can see stuffed vine leaves and spicy cous cous. Nom nom nom. If you are in Cyrpus, go there. It is proper local cuisine
So my lovely, have you got up to anything exciting over the summer holidays?