Pic.No.1 Woof! I say. Bloody woof!
Watching all those toned athletes is eye-Bolly ...... men and women alike sporting a six-pack. Apart from the Judo ladies, mind you. They were all a bit chunky. But I wouldn't say that to their faces.
I learnt the hard way that it is not a good idea to insult martial arts experts. When I was at University, my housemate was a Karate black belt. And for some reason, one day I thought it would be funny to sneak up on her and shout BOO! Next thing I knew, I was lying flat on my back with a mushy solar plexus. Harsh.
Anyway, I digress. Back to my holiday in Cyprus.
Izzy informed me that she had chosen a 'special day out' especially for me. Apparently, she particularly wanted me to 'walk the plank' on a pirate ship, and the Grandparents had kindly obliged by booking us on a day cruise (I suspected some conspiracy here ..... call me suspicious).
At first, I thought they were winding me up a bit. But on the day in question, we all drove to Paphos and after a short stroll to the harbour, we ended up outside a ship called the 'Jolly Roger'. It wasn't looking good.
Pic.No.2 The Jolly Roger ship in Paphos
Bloody nora (again). It was all true. The gits had actually lined me up to walk the plank. So as you can imagine, it was with trepidation that I boarded the ship.
But I'm like a cat with 900 lives - I always seem to be uncannily lucky. And it was that luck on which I was pinning my hopes.
Pic.No.3 Izzy was greeted by 'Pirate Pat'. He was the skinniest pirate I have ever seen. Probably something to do with scurvy
After Pirate Pat had finished posing with Iz, I turned to him and asked: "Is it true that you have a plank that people have to walk off?"
"ARRRRR!" said Pirate Pat, remaining resolutely in character, even though he could see that I was an adult who knew that he was pretending to be a Pirate. "We suuuuuurrrre did until last moooonth, ARRRRR! But 'Health and Safety' said it waaaaasn't safe, so now it is tied to the mast until fuuuurther notice."
Kerching! Who'd have thought that I couldn't walk the plank because of Health and Safety freaks! Told you I was lucky. How many pirate ships do you know of that've been audited by Health and Safety?
Suffice to say, knowing that the 'plank' was tethered safely to the mast, meant that I could enjoy the trip without imminent humiliation.
And because I am like Mother Theresa (except that I don't eat as much rice), I have got some photographs for you ...............................
Pic.No.4 Izzy posing next to two plastic pirates. One of which has got her baps out
Pic.No.5. This is a picture of a fishing boat that was moored next to the Pirate Ship
Pic.No.6 The Pirate cruise took us all the way around Paphos Bay
Pic.No.7 Entertainment was in the form of Captain Jack Pigeon
Vid.No.1 Captain Jack Pigeon was a deliciously camp and surprisingly amusing performer. The kids loved him (20 seconds)
Pic.No.8 The ex out-laws .... enjoying Captain Jack's antics
Pic.No.9 Izzy wearing her 'Pirate's hat'. She made it with Pirate Pat. It was more basic than I was expecting. Mind you, there were about 30 kids all wanting one
Pic.No.10 Izzy, aka 'Pirate Isabel', aka 'Kevin the teenager' poses happily for photographs with moi. The joys of children .... aaaaaah! I can't believe she spelt her name wrong
Pic.No.11 Steve nicked the Pirate's hat from misery guts. Hang on .... is that beard grey?
Pic.No.12 The Pirate Ship anchored in a deep blue bay, and Izzy's Grandad (nearly 70 years old) launched himself off the deck and into the sea ...... encouraged by a pirate with a gun
Pic.No.13 The landing was apparently rather bracing .................
Pic.No.14 Steve and Izzy joined Grandad to indulge in a spot of snorkelling (but they climbed down the ladder instead of jumping in. The pensioners were winning)
Pic.No.15 The swimmers head back onto the pirate ship after a bracing dip in the Mediterranean
Pic.No.16 Three generations all in one go ...... Izzy ..... Dad ...... and Grandfather
Pic.No.17 Izzy chills after her snorkelling and swimming
Pic.No.18 Then Grandad took them both to get their faces painted like pirates
Pic.No.19 Pirate Pat put on a magic show, much to the delight of the lady yawning in the front row
Pic.No.20 All the children aboard the Pirate Ship pose for a final picture ....... can you spot Iz?
Pic.No.21 As we disembarked, Izzy posed with Captain Jack Pigeon and Pirate pat .... but I am not sure who the girl in the middle is
So dahlink, have you been watching the Olympics? What are your favourite sports?