I return to my trusty blog after two weeks of trysts with my alluring mistress.
"Mistress?" I hear you cry, "have you gone gay or something?"
Well technically, no. My mistress in this case was ....... daaa duh derrrrrrr (that was supposed to be a phonetic drum-roll) ....... the Olympics. But the problem was that I didn't know what the male equivalent of a mistress was. In fact, I don't think a word exists which describes a clandestine male lover.
I might coin the phrase, 'sausage on the side', and exploit the niche (so to speak).
Anyway, I digress. I have been totally and utterly besotted and mesmerised by the Olympic games. That's why I have gone all multi-cultural, saying things like 'aloha' and 'mon petit poulet'. I am virtually bi-lingual in at least four languages now.
The games have been ........ Absolutely. Bloody. Amazing. In fact it has been way beyond that. Flippin' hek! The country in which I live has hosted them ....... and the country in which I live has been buzzing, nay, polarised with electricity for two whole, glorious weeks.
Every morning I turned on my radio, eager for the news, and instead of economic doom and gloom, the headlines were dominated by Team GB's medal count.
Every evening I turned on my computer and watched with heart-bursting anticipation as the awe-inspiring athletes achieved (or sadly failed), to attain goals that were often ten (or more) years in the making.
And every single race, swim, dive, shoot, jump, run, ride, row, and throw has instigated goosebumps and raised tears of pride. [Except Beach Volleyball. That's one weird puppy].
But probably the best thing of all was witnessing the support proffered by the British crowds. Every individual and team effort was applauded, cheered, and whistled until the noise in the stadia was officially classified as 'deafening' (i.e., a lot greater than 85 decibels).
Then, just as the world was starting to look like a fun place to be, last night we had the Olympic 'closing ceremony'. I was looking forward to watching it, but not looking forward to what it represented (the end of the Olympic Games, obviously).
And because I am like Mother Theresa (except that I pluck my eyebrows into a 'Scouse Arch'), I have nicked some pictures off the internet for you to look at ............ please be seated, and enjoy ...... the Olympic closing ceremony.
Pic.No.1 The Olympic stadium at dusk ..... ready and waiting for the closing ceremony
Pic.No.2 As the closing ceremony started, the stadium was darkened and the lights came on
Pic.No.3 The opening scene was a mock-up of all the landmarks and icons in London (where I used to live before moving to the countryside .... sigh)
Pic.No.4 But the weird thing was that they were all covered in newspaper. I have no idea why .... suggestions on a postcard?
Pic.No.5 A comedy bloke is shot out of a cannon (he looks like some bloke who has been duped into doing it by a 'chum' - "No, Gavin, I promise it won't hurt")
Pic.No.6 "More tea, Vicar?"
Pic.No.7 Harry moves in on his Brother's missus. Go on son ......
Pic.No.8 The 'Spice Girls'. Even Victoria Beckham joined in. They were fab, even though (after so much time apart), they were a bit rusty when it came to lip-syncing
Pic.No.9 The biggest boy band on the planet ... 'Take That'. I will probably be stoned for hinting that some of the 'high notes' weren't exactly spot-bob-on where they should've been
Pic.No.10 They Olympic torch was finally extinguished as the games came to an end (with a phoenix ballet dancer swooping down). I wiped away (another) tear, remaining in awe of such a beautifully elegant torch
Pic.No.13 The fireworks started over the Olympic stadium as the spectacle drew to a close
Pic.No.14 And they got better and better and better as the goodbye continued ..... until I thought my heart would explode
Pic.No.15 Adieu to the Olympic Games ....... as the finale of fireworks lights up the stadium
So that was it ...... the end of the Olympics, the national pride, the euphoria, and the anticipation.
Except that it wasn't. Or in my view, it shouldn't be.
Right after the ceremony ended, a commentator stated that the Para Olympics would start on 29th August.
Why is no-one else mad about this?
I don't know about you, but I strongly believe that the Para Olympics should be included in the mainstream Olympics. Para Olympians who reach the pinnacle of their sport should get the same recognition as 'mainstream' Olympians. How can we be an 'inclusive society' if we don't do this? It is the sports equivalent of Apartheid in South Africa.
Blimey, that was a rant ......
So dahlink ... what have been your experiences of the Olympics? I can't wait to hear!