Adieu, adieu .... to yieu and yieu and yieuuuu ....... Cyprus

Greetings dahlink! I can't bloody believe it. Only one day left until autumn starts ....... bringing with it the rain, the wind and the cold. Hang on a cotton-pickin' minute, that sounds exactly like the summer we have just had.

All the seasons in the UK are morphing into one big piss-fest. My house constantly smells of damp mutt, mainly because Naughty George is constantly damp. And I have nearly worn out my wellies, at a time when I should be donning spangly sandals.

There is good news though. The miserable weather has inspired me to finish off the posts about my holiday in Cyprus. Firstly because I wanted to see pictures that had sunny shit in them, and secondly because I was boring myself having to focus on one subject for too long. And believe me, I am a hard person to bore. Only yesterday I entertained myself (on my own) for a whole hour by seeing how long I could balance various kitchen implements on my head. The colander won, and the whisk came last. 

Anyway, I digress. Back to my holiday in Cyprus. I decided to lump all the photographs into one last post. When I say 'last', I don't mean it literally. I am coming back (unless I get run over by a motability scooter). I mean my last Cyprus post. And because I am like Mother Theresa, except that I don't wear sackcloth knickers (that's gotta chafe), I have got these pictures for you ...............

1. A walk around the headland to Paphos (I think it might be the capital of Cyprus)

Pic.No.1 We started out at Faros beach. There are so many English people living in Cyprus, that most of the signs are in Greek and English. Which is handy because Greek is all Greek to me

Pic.No.2 On the way to Paphos, they had lots of benches in boxes

Pic.No.3 We walked about a mile around the headland until we could see the castle at Paphos in the background. Steve, Izzy and I posed for a picture and because Steve is my ex, he did the obligatory 'gun to my temple' pose

Pic.No.4 This is the castle that we encountered as we entered Paphos from our walk around the headland. Apparently it hails from Byzantine times, but that doesn't me anything to me because I got a 'U' in history. All I can say is that it looks like some bits of the wall have flopped into the sea

Pic.No.5 A load of fishing boats moored in Paphos harbour. After snorkelling in Cyprus, I can only conclude that they all live off little blue and yellow fishes the size of a teaspoon that has been cut in half. It must do wonders for weight loss

Pic.No.6 There were loads of outdoor restaurants surrounding Paphos harbour, but at 6pm it was waaaaay to early for the Greeks to sit down for their evening meal, hence the quietness

Pic.No.7 After visiting Paphos harbour, we rounded the final bit of headland and hit Paphos bay. And then Izzy pretended to faint for comedy effect. That's my gal

Pic.No.8 This is Paphos bay. It wasn't my favourite place in Cyprus because it was too touristy. See that man on the left, he was trying to persaude us to eat in his restaurant. There where lots of men like that all along the bay at different eateries

Pic.No.9 But eventually we succumbed to their persausive powers because we were starving and Izzy was showing signs of Beri Beri (or it might have been the ice-cream she scoffed earlier). But hell, a happy hour goes a long way towards placation (my ex-outlaws are featured in this picture)

Pic.No.10 Following a meal out in Paphos we headed back home to our apartments in Pegia

Pic.No.11 The apartment in which Izzy was staying with Nanny Sue and Grandad Paul had a fairy house on the veranda. If Izzy put a marshmellow on the fairy doorstep before she went to bed, there would be a present for her in the morning. Magic!

2. A day out at the Water Park in Ayia Napa

Hmmmmm. Everyone had been jumping up and down with excitement about our visit to the Water Park. Except me. I don't like wearing swimming costumes in public because it's like walking around in nothing more than underwear. And I don't like walking around in bare feet, standing on other people's discarded plasters and shedded hair. Anything that sticks to naked parts of your body is gross in my book.

But despite that, I decided to be stoical and join in the fun.

Pic.No.12 This is a random picture of what it looked like in the Water Park

Pic.No.13 Izzy cooled off by splashing around in the wave pool. Obviously the waves weren't on, or she would have been flung onto the shore in an unsafe fashion

Pic.No.14 Izzy did her best impression of James Bond emerging from the azure sea. Except that she didn't kill any baddies who were stroking a white cat

Pic.No.15 If she had the opportunity (and she frequently does) Izzy would spend hours in the water. I am surprised that her hair hasn't turned green

Pic.No.16 Steve erupts from a water slide wearing the skimpiest of 'budgie smugglers'. All he needed was a moustache and a tool-belt to complete the look

Pic.No.17 It's the ex father-out-law, enjoying the sunshine. He has just had two new tattoos done on his arms. Moving to Cyprus has given him and his Mrs a new lease of life. They are now crazy sausages

Pic.No.18 This was in the car park of the Water Park. One day ...... if I work long and hard enough

 Pic.No.19 After the trauma of spending a whole day in a swimming costume, I was glad to get dressed and end up in a marvellous restaurant, high in the hills of Pegia

Pic.No.20 Izzy posing with her Grandad Paul. I taught her everything she knows

And so finally, we arrive at our last day in Cyprus

Pic.No.30 On our last day we decided to visit a lovely village called Agios Georgios that was scattered around a beautiful bay

Pic.No.31 The water was crystal clear, unlike the beaches in the UK which have turds and condoms bobbing around

Pic.No.32 Here are all the boats belonging to the fisherman. It's fair to say that they don't look like they were busting a gut. Mind you, I would give up, if all I could catch were little yellow and blue fish

Pic.No.33 Then after wondering around the bay, we decided to have our last supper before we had to catch our flight home. The outlaws took us to a restuarant high in the hills, called Viklari Restaurant (aka The Last Castle). This is a picture of the entrance

Pic.No.34 Steve looked good in this picture

Pic.No.35 Beyond the entry arch to the Viklari restaurant, aka The Last Castle (opens in a new window), there was a winding path surrounded by flowers which took us to the main eating area

Pic.No.36 The main eating area was awesome. It was a large outdoor space perched on the edge of a mountain, with a canopy of vines shielding us from the sun. Can you see the bunches of grapes hanging down?

Pic.No.37 This was the view from our table - a panorama of Akamas Bay. Bloody marvellous it was

Pic.No.38 And the outlaws seemed to be enjoying themselves. They've probably realised that they were shortly going to get their apartment back

Pic.No.39 A picture of the bar area in the Viklari restaurant, again draped with grapes

Pic.No.40 Oh look! It's me and Izzy. I love pictures with me in

Pic.No.41 The menu was very simple. You could either choose pork or chicken (yep, that was the entire menu). Or both (if you were pushing the boat out). The meat was then freshly prepared on their BBQ and was served with a luscious salad and the biggest chips (fries) I have ever encountered. The Viklari took simple and did it very, very well. Boyakkashaa Viklari!

Pic.No.42 This is Izzy posing on the wall of the Viklari restaurant .... you can see a banana crop below and the Mediterranean sea beyond

Pic.No.43 This is a picture of the full posse, taken by a waitress. I was a bit distressed by the fact that I looked like a news reader with unusually sticky-out baps

Pic.No.44 On our way out, I did a bit of exploring and found the "kitchen" where all the meat was cooked. It was all done on a huge BBQ round the back of the restaurant. Bloody amazing

And so dahlink, that was my trip to Cyprus. Five hours after that last photograph was taken, Steve, Izzy and me were on a flight back to blighty. It was a Monarch flight (aka Rubber Band Airlines), so suffice to say the seats didn't have any tolerance .... i.e. if you were fat, you would haved needed a shoe-horn. 

The flight time was around 3 hours and 52 minutes, and when we descended on Gatwick, guess what we saw? Yep ....... bloody rain. Loads of it. Ahhh ...... welcome back to the UK. 

So have you been on any holidays this summer dahlink?