Monday, 10 December 2012

The grand move descends upon me

Gordon Bennett! As you already know, I got the keys to my new house last weekend, and even though I don't officially move in until tomorrow, I took advantage of the fact and drip-fed the move over a number of days.

And I'm glad I did, despite the fact that I have felt grimy all week: Hoofing furniture around ingrains dust into every proximate orifice, and I've been coughing like a tramp on meths. In fact, I am starting to look a bit like a tramp on meths. Except that I don't have a bowl with a sign saying; "will eat for food.'"

Another thing. How much shit have I got?

Jeez, I always thought I was pretty minimalist ..... until I loaded my seventh car-load of crap.

But then it dawned on me ...... there was a definite height-to-crap ratio. I'm 5'5" tall and have quite a lot of stuff. Izzy is only about 2 feet tall, but she has spent her 7 years accumulating crap that would rival a Bombay recycling slum.

"Izzy, do you really need this empty coke bottle?" I asked after eventually plucking up the courage to address her various hoarded masses.

"YES!" she hollered back, "I use it wash my ducks."

"What about this old doll with one leg?" I enquired tentatively, holding the offensive article up to her face.

"My teacher told me that she was disabled and I've got to look after her." 

DAMN

"But Iz," I implored, "surely you don't need six bags of marbles. You haven't played with them for months."

"I am going to sell them to Archie at school and use the money to buy an Xbox," she stated (that's my girl).

I gave it one last half-hearted attempt, "Iz ....... you don't really need this handful of gravel that you collected from the driveway?"

"That's precious because it will remind me of our old house," she replied earnestly. 

Suffice to say, I got precisely nowhere.

And oh, before I forget, here are some pics of my quickly emptying house ........ 

Pic.No.1  This is my old living room ..... all stripped bare (apart from the pictures ..... and some furniture ...... and a suitcase ......... ok, it's not really stripped bare)


Pic.No.2 This is the old kitchen. With all the lamps removed it looks starker than Tony Blair's fan club. And I've taken the toilet roll. Is that tight?

As for Naughty George, he developed a new speciality. Every time I staggered out of the house, laden with a REALLY heavy box, his super-hero power was lying in the exact spot that I needed to walk through ...... so I tripped over him every-single-berluddy-time. I've got a bruise on my chin where I had to break my fall with my face. And the four-legged git only survived being squashed by a gnat's knacker.

The whole house moving / keeping the mutt out of the way just wasn't working, so I needed a plan ..... and fast. Rising to the challenge, I came up with a plan so cunning that you could stick a tail on it and call it a fox.

I lit the fire ..........

Yep, Naughty George is a heat-whore. He loves sweating and shaking in the sunshine, burrowing under duvets, and licking radiators and wood-burning stoves.

Pic.No.3 Once the fire was lit, we had 6 hours straight to empty the house before Naughty George moved again. Seriously, I think he might be a sloth terrier

So thanks to my lovely cousin, Jane and my other chum (shy and doesn't want to be named) we got my house move nailed in under 24 hours. Literally, everything was moved and unpacked in less than a day.

And after moving into my new house (pics to come in another blog), I noticed that there are things that are universally annoying in every house move:

1. Programming the central heating / air con requires a PhD (oops big fail)

2.  Getting used to the position of light switches takes ages

3. There are never enough plug sockets in the right places

4. The shower always feels weaker than it did at the last house

5. No matter how much storage you have, there are things that don't fit

6. It doesn't matter how far you move, the mutt still stinks

So dahlink, I am now nearly in ...... do you have any top moving tips?

32 comments:

  1. I feel your pain, my friend, but can't wait to see photos of the new place!

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  2. Yes. Lock the door on it first evening and go down the pub.
    I'm hesitant to ask, but it might put all else into perspective. Does the phone work?

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  3. I would send you a " New House" card if I knew your address, but as it is I will just say I hope you and Izzy and the cute NG will be very happy in your new home. Has it got a fire for him to sleep in front of? Looking forward to seeing pics. You been watching Blackadder recently? The fox ref. sounds very Atkinson! ..very funny. I love your use of language. Hope the chin is better soon.

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  4. Yeah NG~~~heat from the fireplace...so high 5 perfect...so she tripped a few times...comes with the territory doesn't it NG! Now for the big unveil in the new abode...can't wait. Loved all of Izzy's answers...she's one smart chick...DNA, I suspect! winkers!

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  5. NG is like me with the heat. Send him over, I'll share with him. I'm so excited about your move and can't wait to see the pix!!!!

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  6. Go to whatever the hardware store is called in the UK a get a water saver shower head. It's not much bigger than the end of your thumb and looks as if it would be worth a darn, is also quite inexpensive. It'll blast you out of the shower (you'll never feel as if there's shampoo left in your hair again.) http://www.conservationwarehouse.com/1-5-gpm-commercial-shower-head.html

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  7. Bodaciousboomer11 December 2012 15:29

    Naughty George exemplifies my attitude about moving. Ignore all.

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  8. I love that picture of Darling George in front of the fire.

    I was laughing when you said you have already hit 7 car loads of stuff. You are talking to someone that took two moving vans to move us. I think the bill of lading showed 26,000 pounds.


    BUT judging from Izzy's early start at collecting stuff, I am sure by the time she is my age she can break that record. I don't have a empty coke bottle or gravel.

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  9. No tips from me m'dear, I haven't moved house in almost 20 years - don't intend to either. Good luck with the settling in and the finding of everything.

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  10. All sounds very stress free and straightforward, and you got the Brucie bonus of a bit of a diddling from the sparks!
    You have the same suitcases as me, except mine are duck egg blue.

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  11. Well done Annie. Moving house is never easy no matter how much stuff you have. You made it look easier than I'm sure it was.

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  12. Yeh, I don't really have that much stuff ..... but I've still got backache after all the lifting.



    Putting the Christmas tree up is next ..... it never ends ;-)



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  13. Blimey, did I make it sound stress free? That's not quite true ..... even though I was only moving 100 yards, it was still pretty horrible. The worst is moving sofas. Bastard that was. My back still aches!



    You have duck egg suitcases?! You big girl's blouse ....... are you a bit of a lady on the quiet? ;-)



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  14. Well seems OK so far..... But then again have you got a phone line at the new abode???

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  15. Minimalist...? HA!!
    Hope moving day went well!

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  16. Oh yes indeed, chosen by my wife who has a thing for duck egg blue luggage type stuff as she also bought me a laptop bag in the same colour. You can imagine the mirth from hairy arse builders when I'm on site.
    Very easy to spot on the whirlygig amongst all of the black suitcases.
    Did you get a van, or was it all done in the bitchin' pimpmobile?

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  17. LOL! That is well funny about the laptop. No wonder you get shit off the hairy arsed builders! I did the whole move in my bitchin' pimpmobile. It out-performed itself, even my sofa fit into the back!



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  18. Hey matey, well perhaps not quite minimalist ....! Yes thanks, it was good. My back aches still though.



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  19. Yes! I have got a new phone line AND broadband. BT didn't muck up once. I am speechless.



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  20. Lucky you - you ain't missing out on the fun when it comes to moving! My back is killing me ....... and finding a place for everything is a chore :-(


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  21. Good god Cheryl, how much stuff have you got?! I am glad I did my move and not yours ;-)



    Yep, if Izzy continues collecting stuff apace, I am sure she will break your record!



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  22. That's indeed what he did. I wish I could have done the same ;-)



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  23. Ooh, I have never heard of the water saver showers heads before. That's definitely got to be worth a try!



    Thanks for the tip!!



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  24. Yep, he sure does like his heat. He is asleep next to a radiator as we speak! I will get some pics for you of the new house. Everything is remarkably organised at the moment!



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  25. Oh yes, he loves his heat does our NG! I will get some pictures of the new house together shortly ...... when I have recovered a bit!



    Crikey, yes, Izzy ..... just imagine what she's gonna be like when she's a teenager ..... gulp!



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  26. Why thank you Frances .... very kind of you! Well spotted ...... it was indeed a reference to Blackadder. Probably one of the funniest series ever ;-)



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  27. Hello! Didn't quite make it down the pub I am afraid - too bushed. And neither the phone or broadband was working. I was cursing BT for two days until I realised I had plugged them in the wrong socket. Now they work perfectly!



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  28. Thanks Jayne! I need to pull my finger out and get some pics taken. But I'm knackered!



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  29. Perhaps those at the top read this blog!!!!!

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  30. Glad to read the move went (almost) smoothly! Looking forward to seeing the new home pictures.


    Moving tip: hire a moving company (and hope the movers are hot looking and it is a hot day where they have to remove their shirts ... but don't tell my husband I said that). ;-)

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