Sunday, 23 December 2012

Cows, Christmas, Cat's Bum-holes, and Mutts

Bloody flaps. I am NEVER moving house just before Christmas ever again. My head is swivelling on my neck, a bit like that bird from The Exorcist. Looking on the bright side, at least I am not chucking up and speaking backwards.

The actual move went quite smoothly but it was all the other stuff afterwards that was the killer. But before I discuss that, I thought I would give you an update on the mutt's progress.

As you know, Naughty George sustained a horrible injury, cutting his head and nose open on barbed wire last weekend, and had to get stitches from the vet.

You will be pleased to hear that he is back to his usual self. Only this morning, he vacuously woofed through an entire conversation that I had with my next door neighbour. Then crapped in her garden.

Pic.No.1 Naughty George was back to his old self

But his encore was escaping from the garden and running into the fields behind our house. The herd of cows that live there were not happy with the invasion, and chased the little git back home. I found him quivering on the other side of the fence surrounded by soon-to-be burgers.

Pic.No.2 Cows are evil. They chased Naughty George back home and here they are staring at me over the fence in my garden. That one on the left looks a bit like a boviney Hugh Grant. That one on the far right looks possessed

But back to the house. Like I said, the move went quite smoothly with the help of Jane and Chum, and everything got straight quite quickly. But I had forgotten that I was having new windows installed. The window company had originally scheduled it for January (which is why I had forgotten, because that is ages away), but they brought it forward because another customer had cancelled. ARSE. So the house descended into chaos again.

Pic.No.3 Here are my new windows being unloaded from the van

Pic.No.4 Even though the window company put down dust sheets, the procedure still covered the house in a layer of crap which took hours to clean ... but hell, it is now really warm and (which I didn't expect), ...... quiet. I can't even hear the bastard cows mooing

Then, after all that, I HAD to transform the horrible granny-piss 70's living room into something I could live with. So I took your advice and painted that bloody disgusting brown unit in the corner. What do you think?

Pic.No.5 This is what my living room looked like BEFORE (capital letters for added gravitas) ........

Pic.No.6 This is what my living room looks like AFTER (it took ages) ...... getting there do you think? Blimey, I've just noticed that bloody disgusting lampshade. I need to get a blowtorch on it  ...... any other suggestions that would make the room look better dahlink?

And as if all that wasn't enough, I also had to get ready for Christmas. I reckon that despite all the moving-house milarky, I managed to buy 80% of the presents that I needed ..... and I wrapped the bastards (I am only going to buy square presents next year). And I can quite categorically state that the most annoying facet of Christmas is trying to get the sticky backs off those silver rosette things that you stick to presents.

Pic.No.7 Here is some of the stash of presents that I wrapped ...... I've got Izzy the best gadget ever for Christmas .... but I'll tell you more later

After wrapping the presents, I kind of breathed a sigh of relief, thinking I had done my duty. But then a chum from the village turned up, and expressed consternation about my lack of Christmas decorations.

"It's looking a little barren in here," he said.

"I'm not putting-up decorations," I replied (having been disruptioned-out by preceding events).

"You miserable bastard," he pointed out.

I must admit. I had decided that I couldn't be bothered to put up Christmas decorations, but I was properly shamed into doing something.

Pic.No.8 So I whacked up this fibre-optic tree, but I didn't hang any crap off it (saves time with disassembly)

Pic.No.9 And then to turn my house into Santa's grotto, I hung this thumb-sized Christmas stocking next to two cat-bum-holes

So dahlink, tell me about your Christmas plans ..... what have you got lined up?

P.S. Sorry I haven't visited your Blog in a while ..... I will catch up over Christmas. Have a good one! x

37 comments:

  1. I think you have cracked it with the decorating, looks really nice.


    Nice to see NG back in form, I hope he has a nice big Christmas present!!!


    We had double glazing fitted some years ago. A right pain in the bum, the one chap walked into my office and uttered the immortal words "Is this an office?" I replied "No it's an upmarket bog and the chairs are commodes on wheels".



    For some strange reason they speeded up from that point. Mind you me standing there with a couple of choccie bikkies and a mug of coffee just for me did not go down well.


    Have a great Christmas Anne, Izzy and NG and your forgiven if my pressie does not arrive by courier tomorrow, I realise I may be overlooked this year due to your move!!!

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  2. Great news about NG, glad he's on the mend......Moving house, double glazing installed, Christmas shopping? You are a glutton for punishment, just don't know how you cope....All finished here today with the presents then we went to the pictures to see The Hobbit.......Not impressed.....Tomorrow.....get the house ready then it's off to the yacht club to meet up with your Dad and Dawn for a few drinks and a chat before a move to our favourite pub for the evening....Well one has to do these things.....it's Christmas........Hope you, Izzy and of course NG have a great time.....Can't wait to hear what Izzy's new gadget might be.....I've just got myself a smart phone....I'm not I should laugh or cry.....Have a good one.......

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  3. I am so happy to hear Darling George is back to his sweet self. Those cows need to be nice to him.
    Moving is a major PITA for sure but it looks like you are making great progress. That cabinet looks so much better painted.



    Merry Christmas to you, Izzy and Darling George!

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  4. Yep, I'd agree, cupboard looks a zillion times better. Glad to hear NG back to old self. But I really don't think either of you should be messing with those cows. Those guys are seriously equipped.

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  5. Christmas? Having a rest.
    You too, I hope. Have a good one. Jx

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  6. Glad to see it's all coming together and that NG is on the mend.
    Yes, the living room looks MUCH better (capital letters added for gravitas). It's amazing what a lick of paint will do. Note: don't let NG lick the paint!

    What are we doing for Christmas? Well, probably getting up at stupid o'clock - as usual - to open all the kid's presents. Then Mrs Masher and I will exchange un-exciting gifts, followed by the perfunctory thank-you kiss. Then it's off to visit family, where we will eat and drink ourselves stupid.

    Kinda similar to last year, really.

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  7. Pleased to hear that NG is feeling better, and that he survived the cows! That cupboard has nearly disappeared after the paint job. Have a great Christmas now you are all sorted. X

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  8. Thanks for the update on NG. I am so happy to hear he is recovering (and learning the power of cows).

    The cupboard in your living room looks perfect! Like it was always meant to be there.

    Glad to see some christmas decorations in your home. I love christmas and have had the house decorated for weeks already. We will be spending the morning at home and then going to my brother's house where we will have dinner with his family, our parents, and our sister and brother-in-law.

    I hope you and Izzy have a great christmas!

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  9. Yeah NG!!!
    What 'brown unit'! Looks great!
    I want a herd of cows in my backyard!! Think of the blogging possibilities!
    Your tree is bigger than ours....I know, size doesn't matter!
    That's what they call those........CBH's!! lol
    A short trip is lined up to meet friends half way...they live in neighbouring province. That's all.
    Happy Christmas Annie.

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  10. So glad to see is doing better... and arent you being a little judge-y on the cows? They cannot ALL be evil.


    Christmas tree seems kind of smallish... we have six, want one...?

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  11. I just burst out laughing at the cat bum-holes...too funny! Imagine telling you that you had to decorate....go away! Oh well, the tree will do....Izzy will love it, I know! What a month you've put in...never put yourself through that again if you can help it. Happy Hollerdays!!!!

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  12. Only two of them are inside the house ... and this number is insufficient. We need more inside christmas trees!

    Merry christmas, Anne!

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  13. Room looks fantastic, you could paint everything else the same colour (that doesnt move). We had a dog that looked like NG when I was small, he used to bring home whole cow legs from the abbattoir down the road, hope he isnt one of NG's ancestors.

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  14. Aww thanks Jill. It took bloody ages to paint it, and it needed two coats. Still not the prettiest of units, but it will do. LOL! your dog brought whole cow's legs home? That is well funny. I actually think that they probably do have some common ancestry - the git streak! Happy Christmas


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  15. I LOVE how much you are into Christmas. Your festivityness is catching! So you going to go for more trees next year? Merry Christmas to you as well matey!!



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  16. They were right telling me to decorate, it did look a bit crap. I had got all the decorations out ready to put up but couldn't be arsed. So I had to make a bit of an effort for the Izzster. Happy Christmas to you my dear, and thank you so much for the lovely card!!



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  17. Honestly Brahm, ALL cows are evil. I have had some bad experiences ;-) LOL, my tree IS well weedy. I love how you get into Christmas, but SIX trees? You must spend bloody weeks decorating. Happy Christmas to you though me dear!!


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  18. Hey, you like the new colour? The unit itself is still a bit minging, but it looks loads better painted and with stuff on it. I just need to figure out how to wire up my AV equipment!



    I had to laugh that you said my tree was bigger than yours. I remember you saying you had a small one, but it must be minute, cos my is well weedy. Have fun with your friends Jimski, and a very happy Christmas to you!



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  19. No worries. Actually, NG did deteriorate for a bit, seemed listless and a bit miserable. I think maybe it was the shock of it all. But he has picked up again.



    You are brilliant at Christmas. I always remain amazed that you make so much effort. Wish we could see some pics ;-) Might inspire me to make more of an effort next year!



    Happy, Happy Christmas to you!



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  20. Yeh, he survived but the evil bovines chased him out of the field. Thanks, I am pretty pleased with the cupboard, it's still not beautiful but a bit better.



    Sorry I missed lunch, but have a great Christmas yourself! x



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  21. Eh up Mash, Happy Christmas to you! Awww, glad you liked the living room. That cupboard was a bastard to paint. Took bloody ages.



    I had to laugh at your description of Christmas, especially the un-exciting gifts. Were your low expectations fulfilled? The eat and drink yourselves stupid sounds fun. Save me a snifter won't you?



    Have a great new year matey.



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  22. I hope you are getting the rest you wanted ..... I have my friend ensuring that I am not racing around like a mad thing! Happy Christmas and new year to you J x



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  23. Hey Cheryl, yeh, I am so glad I put the effort in before Christmas so that I can go back to a house that is pretty sorted. Thanks, glad you like the cabinet!



    Merry Christmas to you too matey ...... hope you had a good one.



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  24. Happy Christmas Pete, sounds like you had some real treats lined up! How was the Hobbit? How was the yacht club? I haven't seen Dad and Dawn for ages - when they last came over, I had a meeting that I couldn't cancel. DOH!


    Hey, you've got a smart phone! I am impressed ....... proper gadget that ;-)


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  25. A very Happy Christmas to you too Robert. I hope you had a great one! I had to laugh my head off at your ventures with the double glazing fitters. What are you like? But it is a bloody nightmare, you are right. Every room in upheaval.



    Are you doing anything for New Years Eve?



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  26. No not planning anything New Years Eve, this weekend I should have been playing trains but my station is almost cut off by flood water, the road down from the main road id flooded because the large lake to the left has burst it's banks,

    The River Nene which runs past my station has burst it's banks also and the rowing course a quarter of a mile from the river is now joined to it with water as far as the eye can see the meadows, golf course and footpaths are flooded, the lock and staunch are under water as are the new moorings built a year or so ago. Most of the footpaths around the station are flooded as well

    Thankfully my station is above it and we can still run services at the weekend but last report was the only way to the station is down the track, and blow that as the ballast and sleepers are a bugger to walk on and customers/passengers can't get to me anyway except by train. So a weekend in the warm and plodding on with the book I am writing whilst looking out at a dismal garden.

    Happy New Year to you all there.

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  27. I'm so glad that NG has mended so quickly. His injury musta looked scary indeed when it happened. I'm glad the move is finally behind you. Please give NG a big hug for me.

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  28. Jay of The Depp Effect30 December 2012 at 14:01

    "I am only going to buy square presents next year" Oh, tell me about it!!! The stuff we thoughtlessly bought this year and regretted once we got the roll of wrapping paper out. Looking at the mis-shapen lumpy packages after wrapping was only marginally better than staring, appalled, at the lumpy mis-shapen gifts and the pristine paper before wrapping.

    'cat bums'! ROFL!!!

    What else can you do to improve that room? Well, the mirror is fine, and the frame is fine, but to me the colour of the frame needs addressing. Either paint it white so it disappears, or paint it a funky colour, like scarlet, or turquoise, or even sparkly gold.

    Sorry about George. He's got nothing on my Jeffie though. Clumsiest dog I know, with skin like tissue paper.

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  29. Moving again???? It seems everytime I turn around, your moving. Oh well. The new diggs seem great, even in all the moving hustle and bustle. You've got great taste:) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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  30. Looks like you're settling in nicely. I looked a long time for the cat bum holes until I realised what you were referring to .... I felt very silly.

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  31. Happy New Year, Anne!! Hope you're ok - you're ominously quiet! Just had new windows so I feel your pain re the mess. I'd say get a big red rug and matching cushions to perk your room up. Have a great 2013 in your new home!

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  32. You've made it warm and welcoming! I love it and I love your neighboring cows. So very glad to hear that NG has mended and that you are now (mostly) settled, my friend. Happy New Year.

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  33. Need to hear from you! Makes me worry!

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  34. Hello Anne, happy new year to you. I've been rushed off me feet for the last month. Blog coming soon!



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  35. Whew! Once a mother, always a mother when it comes to worrying! Looking forward to a post when you can! Happy New Year to you all (as we say in Virginia).

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  36. I too am getting worried about your lack of blogging! And, you make me laugh....I need a good giggle ! Hope NG has recovered completely by now? Sorry we didn't get to meet when we took Joe back ..we went to the other place in Old Headington, cant remember the name now, but it was good grub! Just checked...White Hart. Opposite the church.

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  37. Alrighty - enough is enough. Where the bloody hell are you. No more excuses!!!! Plus we have not seen Izzy for months. She may have left home and become an astronaut or an actress. Yes, you have been gone for a looooooooooooooong time.

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