Anyway, today I was taking Naughty George on his daily drag through a posh Oxfordshire village, when a Bentley pulled up nearby. An old bloke got out one side, and a bleached-blonde woman got out the other.
Initially, I didn't think anything of it (actually, that was a lie, I really thought 'who's the Sugar Daddy?'), until I caught a glimpse of the woman's face. It was all tight like she was continually surprised, and her lips were enormous. You know when Jack Nicholson played the Joker? It was like that, except a surprised Joker.
I recoiled slightly. Woah, that was bad cosmetic surgery. I tried to diffuse my horror by uttering a cheery 'hello', but it didn't work. She had spotted Naughty George pissing on the wheel of the Bentley, and now he was woofing vacuously in their general direction. The bloody bastard.
She pouted at me (not that I think she had a choice), and looked me up and down, before striding off to help her husband with his zimmer frame.
But then it dawned on me - extreme plastic surgery is like taxidermying (is that the correct verb?) yourself in small steps whilst you are still alive.
So I got home and decided to do some research into 'plastic surgery gone wrong'.
And sacre bleu! Just look at the state of this lot ............
NUMBER 1. Melanie Griffiths (before and after). It's such a shame. Since cosmetic surgery, she tends to gurn a lot. Nice teeth for gurning though.
NUMBER 2. Nicole Kidman. It looks like her face is covered in Cling-Film
NUMBER 3. Blimey, this woman has got a dent in one of her bazukas
NUMBER 4. Donatella Versace after extensive plastic surgery. Oops, that didn't go well then. She looks like a negative in that right hand picture
NUMBER 5. Joan Rivers. Blimey, her nose and eyes are a totally different shape
NUMBER 6. David Gest. Woah, you made me jump man
NUMBER 7. Farrah Fawcet. It all ended up a bit wonky and lumpy. And you can see her nipple through her jacket
NUMBER 8. JEEZ! Rupert Everet? This is most decidedly NOT impressive
NUMBER 9. Unkown person. She's not gonna need airbags in the event of a car crash. But just hope that she comes to the rescue if you ever get in trouble at sea
NUMBER 10. Joan Van Ark from Knots Landing. That's Zombi-chic that is
NUMBER 11. Mickey Rourke. Blimey, he has been left a bit lop-sided
NUMBER 12. Pete Burns. Actually I don't think he looks too gross. I just get the feeling that he doesn't know 'who' he is. He isn't transsexual - gender dismorphia maybe? Even so, his lips are WAY to big
NUMBER 13. Maria Geronazzo (Hungarian celebrity). Bloody hell, she PAID for that. What is the obsession with having lips that look like two mattresses stapled to your face?
NUMBER 14. Dennis Avner. This chap has undergone extensive tattooing and cosmetic surgery so that he could look like a tiger. He even had his teeth filed and shaped to resemble one. RAR! What a nutbag
NUMBER 15. Jackie Stallone has now got a face that looks like a wellington boot that has been set on fire and put out with a spade
NUMBER 16. This is a girl (yep). And she is only 40. Michaela Romanini is an Italian socialite who became famous after her many surgeries. She looks like a cross between a man in drag and a muppet
NUMBER 17. Amanda Lepore. Amanda was a famous New York transsexual (bloody hell she was fit!), but then she went a tad overboard with the cosmetic surgery. And for some reason it made her boobs uneven
NUMBER 18. Poor old MJ. His nose was falling off. And he was such a handsome chap when he was younger
NUMBER 19. The Bride of Wildenstein. Allegedly, Jocelyn Wildenstein has spent around $4,000,000.00 on cosmetic surgery after her husband left her for a younger woman. Not the wisest investment I have seen. She looks like someone spotted a mosquito on her face and swatted it with a cricket bat
NUMBER 20. This is Hang Mioku, a 48 year-old woman from South Korea. She became so addicted to plastic surgery that she was left unrecognisable after her obsession led her to repeatedly inject cooking oil into her face. She was featured on Korean TV and viewers sent in enough donations to enable her to have surgery to reduce the size of her face. During the first procedure surgeons removed 60g of foreign substance from Hang's face and 200g from her neck. Her face is still scarred and disfigured (bottom picture). She now says she wishes she could get her original face back.
I have to say that virtually nothing shocks me, but after seeing that lot, I was left feeling slightly incredulous.
So dahlink what do you think about these people? (you have two choices but you can add more):
1. Stupid and not worthy of attention
2. Suffering some kind of dismorphic psycological illness
So, do you have any more plastic surgery disasters that you would like me to include? Please send me pictures and I will publish them and include a link to your blog. Mwahhhhhh ..... Just off to my botox appointment ;-)
Damn they're ugly but I'm sure it's only their fault too because when you decide to have a plastic surgery or a cosmetic one you have to search for the best clinic in your area to be sure everything will work good for you.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe all these celebrities wanted more than the surgery could offer and off course there is the risk of disasters if they want that.
Yeh, some pretty good points there. The problem seems to be that they go beyond wanting to look natural. And the limitations of cosmetic surgery means that there is only so much that can be done to one area without it looking extreme (in the same kind of way as every other extreme patient).
ReplyDeleteThey all end up looking like puffed up, with pillow lips and slanty upwardy eyes.
_____
I've already consulted with a plastic surgeon orange county, and he told me that moderation is the key to good cosmetic surgeries. The aim of plastic surgery isn't perfection. The more natural the look, the better. These do not look natural at all!
ReplyDeleteThey look hotter before they had the surgery. I think if they only want to reduce their fat cheeks, they should have opted for buccal fat removal.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with you, but what the blazes is buccal fat removal?
ReplyDelete_____
Totally agree with you Alissa - once you push the limits of 'natural' then plastic surgery starts producing clones who all have the same freaky features!
ReplyDelete_____
I never knew Joan Rivers looked like that before. She would have been more divinely beautiful, in my humble opinion. Even Melanie Griffith's pasadena breast augmentation would have been better had she tried not to over do it.
ReplyDeleteYep, you are completely right. All these people seem to have missed the point that subtlety is the key to cosmetic surgery!
ReplyDelete_____
People should learn to appreciate their looks,
ReplyDeleteAgreed, especially when they look like that after surgery that is supposedly there to make them look better!
ReplyDelete_____