About
Picture the scene: I wanted to open a Business Bank Account; seemingly a quite straight-forward affair. And I wanted to deposit a fair old sum of wonga into said bank account. So I did a bit of research and found that RBS (the Royal Bank of Scotland) seemed to have a pretty good deal going on. Two years' free business banking to be precise.
Pic.No.1 RBS employees on a lunch-break. There are drugs in those red cans
So I rang them, and they grilled me for 38 minutes on the minutiae of my business. Then they told me that within 48 hours, a Bank Manager in my general vicinity would contact me to finalise the details.
Did it happen? ......... Nope.
So I rang them a second time, and it took a further 20 minutes for the guy on the other end to verify all my business details (again), before he too said that a local Bank Manager would be in touch to finalise the details.
Did that happen? ........ Nope.
By this stage I was getting a little irritated to say the least, and I would never normally give a company three chances, but I had already invested so much time in the application process that I decided to try again.
So I rang them a third time, and my call was answered by a teenager on work experience (probably).
I explained to him that this was my third attempt at opening a bank account with Royal Bank of Scotland and that I was getting a little frustrated.
His high-pitched (I don't think his voice had broken yet) response was along the lines of: "Christ! I don't know what is going on in this office, but you are the fourth person who's complained to me this morning about that kind of stuff." [It was only 11am].
"So other people are complaining about RBS not getting back to them?" I asked, incredulous that he had just spewed forth that information.
"All. The. Time. Like," he said, punctuating his words for added gravitas. [Ughhh, he said 'like' at the end of a sentence.]
"Is there any chance that I will be able to open an account?" I asked tentatively.
"Yep, you've come to the right place, all I need to do is check a few business details," replied the pimply twat.
And so I spent another 25 minutes on the phone, going over all the business details that had been supplied TWICE before.
As we reached the end of the conversation, he confidently stated, "I will email you all the documentation that you need within the next hour. All you need to do, is print it out, sign it, and take it to your nearest RBS branch to finalise the details."
Call me sceptical, but I asked, "within the next hour? Definitely?"
"Well it might be a little bit longer because we are having IT problems this morning, but I'm not like the rest of 'em," the pre-pubescent nob said (and I could hear his salesman smile down the telephone line).
Did it happen? ......... Nope.
So I waited two days (just to give him a chance).
Did it happen? ......... Nope.
So now I nominate RBS (the Royal Bank of Shite), as having the crappest customer service in the country. What makes it even worse is that the bastards were bailed out by taxpayers to prevent their collapse during the financial crisis.
Pic.No.2 RBS Chief Executive Officer, Stephen Hester, insists that he has dragged the bank out of the doldrums
I have never encountered such ineptness in such a large company.
Actually, I can't back that up. The following companies also languish in the cesspit of crap customer service:
British Telecom
Curry's Electricals
Sony Vaio
Tesco
And Google and Apple are a bunch of wankers too ........ there are at least 20 website layers to go through before hitting any useful support.
So dahlink, now you have to tell me the companies you dislike most and why (so we can form a gang).
Form a gang? Against companies that suck? I. AM. IN. That's a big ol Hell to the Y.E.S. Sign me up! NOW! And it needs to be an international gang! Let's do it!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe sad fact is that most large companies are crap at customer service.
ReplyDeleteThat's why when you ring them on their automated answering systems there is always an option to complain but never an option to praise.
Can you complain about RBS' poor customer service if you didn't actually get to be one of their customers?
ReplyDeleteOff the top of my head, I can't think of any companies where I have been totally dissatisfied with their customer service, though I'm sure there must be some. This might be because I only give them the one chance and then I walk.
I have had a business account with Barclays for 12 years. This might get sweary, so for those of you of a nervous dispostion, cover your ears, Anne can eff and jeff with the best, so no worries there. A bigger bunch of unmitigated cockwombles you could never wish to bend you over and shag you up the arse, because that's what business banking is all about. You give them your money, they give you an anal probe. I would rather run a stanley blade across my nutsack and dangle it in vinegar than speak to the backward spunktard that is my 'relationship manager' I would consider moving, but read Anne's post for the choice currently available. A pox on them all.
ReplyDeleteThe worst service I've had was from Talk Talk, though Santander come a close second. Good service from Co-op (opening a business bank account), Nationwide (not actually a bank, which may have something to do with it) and Virgin One Account (no use for business accounts, and underwritten by RBS, as it happens).
ReplyDeleteYou should tweet this story to the official RBS Twitter page!
ReplyDeleteI've found that the smaller and more local the bank, the better the service. If there isn't one near you, a stocking stuffed with cash under the mattress might be just as safe as that bank full of nitwits. God only knows where they'd put your money. On the plus side (for us anyway), your vents are pretty damn funny.
ReplyDeleteHa! Nice rant.... interested to see if you hear back from them after this, cuz you know everyone reads your blog!!!
ReplyDeleteNat West - Years ago I had to arrange a Power of Attorney for my fathers affairs. Both our local branch and the main branch in Southport, surely one of the geriatric capitals of Northern England, cocked it all up good style, you would never have thought they had EVER even heard of the phrase let alone arranged one. It took us weeks. From managers down no one we ever spoke to had a clue.
ReplyDeleteWhat a larff! So many new words to take in, had to "like" on facebook as well to pass the message on. Hope it goes viral quicker than Schofield looking for paedo's. Do you think he was after Speedos but typed it in wrong?
ReplyDeleteRBS obviously had no idea who they were taking on! Sainsburys in Banbury is on my list of blog subjects because of the appalling treatment I received when trying to buy spinach. Blimey. Why is the world full of knobs? :-/
ReplyDeleteWho knew that buying spinach could be so complicated?! I look forward to your blog post ;-) I am with you on Sainsburys .... https://thedayafteryesterday.co.uk/2012/01/i-bloody-hate-sainsburys.html. We can compare notes.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! I know, it all got a bit sweary! They drove me to it. That's funny about Schofield looking for speedos ;-) I hope it goes viral, it deserves to. I did a search of 'RBS bad customer service' after I did this post, and the results say it all ......
ReplyDeleteOuch, arranging Power of Attorney is complicated with competent people involved. That must have been sooooooo frustrating. So, do you bank with them now?!
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you Brahm. But you still remain the rant-meister! I hope I hear back ..... I am currently on page 3 of the search 'RBS bad customer service' ..... in the UK anyways. Something tells me that they won't give a fig though ;-)
ReplyDeleteTrouble is we don't really have any local banks as such. They are all big national ones, stuffed full of either 1. chocolate teapots, or 2. criminals. I don't even have a pension because I don't trust any of them with my money.
ReplyDeleteThat is well funny! I did exactly what you suggested, and surprise, surprise, my tweet just disappeared into the ether .......
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with Telecoms companies? They are all diabolical. I suspect it's because there is not enough competition. You mentioned Santander, when I googled 'RBS bad customer service', Santander kept popping up to. Interesting you have had some good experiences ... I had never considered Co-Op. I might have to look into that. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI have to say Gumph, that your comment is the funniest rant I have had on my blog to date. You had me spitting tea at my screen with laughter. Cockwombles?! And dangling your nutsack in vinegar ....... absolutely bloody brilliant! Most 'Relationship Managers' are useless because none of 'em have ever run a business.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! When you put it like that .... I am not even a customer and they totally pissed me off ..... just think of the poor gits who ARE actually customers.
ReplyDeleteI am going to do what you do in future .... one strike and they are out. I can't believe I wasted so much time on the nobs.
You are right. It's like they become so big that they get complacent. And because we are the 'little people' we know that a complaint is going to go precisely nowhere. That's why ranting here is so much fun ;-)
ReplyDeleteExcellent Pam, you're in! Let's name and shame the gits who give bad customer service.
ReplyDeleteOooh dear. BT would top my list anyday. We've moved a lot. And over the last couple of years moved my mother twice too. On every occasion I've been without phone/broadband for at least a week. Even when we gave them 3 months notice they managed to c*ck it up.
ReplyDeleteIt's no better on this side of the pond. I think they are all in a conspiracy to lower the quality of customer service. After all, they only have to better than their competition. Sadly, it's a race to the bottom. Our big telecom has implemented a computerized voice named Emily to talk to in order to make any kind of service call. It's supposed to be based on voice recognition, but when you say clearly and distinctly "bill payment", she says, "I'm sorry, I don't understand you. Please repeat your request." This continues until one of you gives up. I can just see the executive table now, marvelling at how customer service has improved since they implemented Emily. See - the performance indicators show very clearly that complaint calls have decreased substantially! It would never occur to them that Emily deters all but the bravest/most persistent/craziest customers.
ReplyDeleteI like your idea of a gang. I hope it's going to be a trans-Atlantic gang! If so, count me in.
Sony would have to top my list. When the third lens on my camera broke within a year the engineer whom I sent the lens back to for repair at Sigma said you must have a faulty camera....He had seen many before so I contacted Sony......Six months later after being pushed from pillar to post and a lot of aggro along the way, and with the camera now out of warranty they said there was nothing wrong with it but would give me a replacement....They also said what did I expect for my money (it cost me over £400) and that it wasn't designed to last for ever....He even said this about the cameras they sell for in excess of £2K......A search on Google showed that I wasn't the only one not happy with Sony in the least. Yes, let's start a campaign.
ReplyDeleteAww Jessica, you have my sympathies. BT are a total disgrace. I experienced the same when moving house but it was even worse when I moved my business premises. They left us without phones or an Internet connection for nearly three weeks. It nearly killed us off. We had to make do with routing four telephone lines to my mobile. Gits! No, bastards ......!
ReplyDeleteHello Karen, are you a new visitor? If so, welcome ..... And you can most definitely join the gang. Good grief, that Emily sounds mind-bogglingly frustrating! I hate those bloody automated menu things anyway, let alone when they don't work grrrrrrr. You know what, CEOs should actually test these systems themselves so that they walk in the shoes of their customers. Then maybe things might improve. Not holding my breath though ;-)
ReplyDeleteBloody Nora Pete, that is the worst case of belligerence I have heard so far. To comment that they don't last forever when it's a year down the line and you spent £400. Mind bogglingly bad. You are not alone though, I had problems with my Sony Vaio a couple of years ago. The battery of my laptop was loose. When I called their robot support staff, I was told that there was 'no known solution' and recommended that I held the battery in place with sticky tape! Total amateurs.
ReplyDeleteThis is just like the 1960's all over again!! I loved it then and I LOVE it now!! If this does goes viral in any shape or form you can bet that you will get what you are asking for Annie! Go get them girl!
ReplyDeleteINSURANCE COMPANIES are my worst companies. You would have not believed what I had to go through after an accident to simply (I thought) apply for disability coverage that I had been paying into for 29 years......in the end they paid me a mere $100 a month and loaded off the remainder to the government!!!! It's a total scam how they do control the world along with other multi-nationals. POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!
OMG - I am dying. Best comment ever!
ReplyDeleteTotally with you Deedee!
ReplyDeleteGreetings Jim! I totally agree with you about insurance companies. Total and utter bastards, as your case demonstrates. I don't know what happened in your case, but in my experience, they will use a plethora of small-print to writhe and wiggle their way out of paying you anything. And if they are not doing that, their 'claims' telephone lines take hours to be answered (unlike the 'new customer' lines which are answered immediately). What was the name of the insurance company by the way?
ReplyDeleteI can't think of anybody right now, but can I join the gang anyway? Also, my children give totes horrible customer service. Does that count?
ReplyDeleteYour friend and potential thug and gang banger. NIcki Woo.
Virgin -- no I'm not insulting you -- the company :-)
ReplyDeleteOooh which bit of Virgin? I don't like it when I end up on one of their old Boeings on a transatlantic flight - crap seats and in-flight entertainment. Their Airbuses are loads nicer!
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RBS, that's the one that we own, right? That's one of the bunch of tossers who cocked things up so badly that the government stepped in and handed tens of billions of £s to, to keep them afloat, right?
ReplyDeleteWonderful
Yep, they're the bastards. Stephen Hester is bleating about how well the bank is doing, but just google 'RBS customer service'; it's an eye opener.
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Of course you can join the gang Nicki, you are my blogger in crime! You'd make a great thug ;-)
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If you have a problem with T-Mobile here and try to get someone in their corporate offices to resolve it you can't. They don't exist. Apparently T-Mobil is run by a herd of androids; and you can't even get the head droid in any way, shape or form. Totally frustrating.
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