Hello dahlink! First of all, I must apologise profusely for being a bit lot elusive lately. I like to think that I have been a bit like the Scarlet Pimpernel and Fu-Manchu-the-Yellow-Peril, combined. Except better looking. And without a dodgy moustache.
'So, why the blazes do you keep disappearing like a box of chocolates within arm's reach of John Candy?' I hear you cry.
Well, to be frank, there is a LOT of stuff going on in the background. It's all Secret Squirrel at the moment, so if I told you, I would have to mow you down with a Heavy Gustav, which, after much research, I have found to be the biggest gun in the world. The phrase 'using a sledgehammer to crack a walnut' springs to mind. But looking at it in another way, if a job's worth doing ..........
But something else was really cool. Whilst all the crap was going on, I got loads of lovely emails from peeps asking where the berluddy hell I had got to. Thank you dahlinks, that was REALLY appreciated.
Anyway, with further ado, I have decided to give you a synopsis of the back-catalogue in order to try and get back up to speed again. So please sit back, put your feet up, neck seven Tequila Slammers and enjoy.........
Izzy Got Injured
Here in the UK, the Easter holidays started a week ago and Izzy was duly whisked off by her Dad (Steve) for her annual skiing holiday.
On day two of the holiday, I received a phone-call from the aforementioned Steve which began: "there's been an accident......"
"What kind of a bloody accident?" I asked, with a feeling of impending doom.
"Izzy has broken her leg," he replied.
"Shit-a-brick!" I exclaimed, "how did she do that? Is she ok? When did it happen? Has she been treated? .... etc etc etc ......"
It transpired that the ski-school instructor had mixed her skis up with some other kid's, meaning that the binding settings were inappropriate for her size and weight, so that when she fell over, the skis didn't release.
After her initial shock (and having a bit of a teary wobble), I have to say that she dealt with it really rather well and was quickly back to her chirpy, happy-chappy self; i.e. shouting, "MUM! Stop swearing!", whenever I said the word 'bloody'.
Apparently, when she flies home on Saturday, she's going to need a wheelchair and two seats on the aircraft to accommodate her leg. Result!
That is one helluva way to get extra legroom. That's my sprogl!
Comedy Birds
Randomly, I have discovered that if I do a funny dance in my garden (i.e. throw some proper shapes), the pheasants [a UK game bird -info for those who live in the US] who live in the field behind my house will start running around and make comedy noises.
I think they get disturbed by my erratic movements, and they emit an 'ARK ARK' sound. Then they run away with their heads staying completely level even though their legs are running really fast.
It's bloody well entertaining.
Partying in Stratford-upon-Avon
Last weekend I went to a party in Stratford-upon-Avon. Stratford (as I will herein refer to it) is famous because Shakespeare was born there.
Apparently, Shakespeare was a world-renowned author, and I think I studied him at school [Merchant of Venice?], but from what I remember, he wrote everything in a foreign language.
The party was held just outside of Stratford and it was bloody brilliant. Except for the fact that the music was too loud and I couldn't hear anyone speak. And they couldn't hear me. So I was free to mingle using pseudo Latin phrases that I made up. Things like: "Brutus addarat for tee, kaiser ad some yam. Brutus sic in omnibus, kaiser innis hat."
The day after the party, there was another wander around Stratford. It's quite a posh place, so imagine my delight when I discovered a new gadget ......................... wait for it ......... wait for it ......................
Even better, it was on Sale, so I got it for £6.00 instead of £12.50.
I bet you have never managed to get a solar-powered Meerkat for £6.00!
Bargain! Honestly, why would they need to be on Sale? Surely the shop can't keep up with demand?
Naughty George has been Barfing everywhere
I have to say, I've been a bit worried about the mutt for the last couple of weeks. Not only is he 17 years old, but his new hobby (as well as randomly biting other dogs in the face), is making a horrible KACK KACK retching sound and then throwing up bile upon various soft furnishings.
It's all to my chagrin; "JEEZ GEORGE! YOU CAN'T PUKE ON THAT, IT'S LAURA ASHLEY FOR GODS SAKE!"
To date, I have skidded through at least 4 puddles of yellow chunks.
It's a bit like that TV programme, 'Dancing on Ice', except the ice is replaced by dog vom.
P.S. I am not going anywhere, but I am not sure how frequently I will be able to blog over the next couple of months, so please do bear with me dahlink and I promise to make more effort not to be elusive like a duck-billed platypus.
'So, why the blazes do you keep disappearing like a box of chocolates within arm's reach of John Candy?' I hear you cry.
Well, to be frank, there is a LOT of stuff going on in the background. It's all Secret Squirrel at the moment, so if I told you, I would have to mow you down with a Heavy Gustav, which, after much research, I have found to be the biggest gun in the world. The phrase 'using a sledgehammer to crack a walnut' springs to mind. But looking at it in another way, if a job's worth doing ..........
Pic.No.1 A Heavy Gustav gun. Imagine trying to hide that bastard under your mattress
But something else was really cool. Whilst all the crap was going on, I got loads of lovely emails from peeps asking where the berluddy hell I had got to. Thank you dahlinks, that was REALLY appreciated.
Anyway, with further ado, I have decided to give you a synopsis of the back-catalogue in order to try and get back up to speed again. So please sit back, put your feet up, neck seven Tequila Slammers and enjoy.........
Izzy Got Injured
Here in the UK, the Easter holidays started a week ago and Izzy was duly whisked off by her Dad (Steve) for her annual skiing holiday.
On day two of the holiday, I received a phone-call from the aforementioned Steve which began: "there's been an accident......"
"What kind of a bloody accident?" I asked, with a feeling of impending doom.
"Izzy has broken her leg," he replied.
"Shit-a-brick!" I exclaimed, "how did she do that? Is she ok? When did it happen? Has she been treated? .... etc etc etc ......"
It transpired that the ski-school instructor had mixed her skis up with some other kid's, meaning that the binding settings were inappropriate for her size and weight, so that when she fell over, the skis didn't release.
Pic. No.2 Izzy ended up with a full-leg plaster cast and crutches
After her initial shock (and having a bit of a teary wobble), I have to say that she dealt with it really rather well and was quickly back to her chirpy, happy-chappy self; i.e. shouting, "MUM! Stop swearing!", whenever I said the word 'bloody'.
Apparently, when she flies home on Saturday, she's going to need a wheelchair and two seats on the aircraft to accommodate her leg. Result!
That is one helluva way to get extra legroom. That's my sprogl!
Comedy Birds
Randomly, I have discovered that if I do a funny dance in my garden (i.e. throw some proper shapes), the pheasants [a UK game bird -info for those who live in the US] who live in the field behind my house will start running around and make comedy noises.
I think they get disturbed by my erratic movements, and they emit an 'ARK ARK' sound. Then they run away with their heads staying completely level even though their legs are running really fast.
It's bloody well entertaining.
Pic.No.3 This is a pheasant. It's making me feel hungry
Partying in Stratford-upon-Avon
Last weekend I went to a party in Stratford-upon-Avon. Stratford (as I will herein refer to it) is famous because Shakespeare was born there.
Apparently, Shakespeare was a world-renowned author, and I think I studied him at school [Merchant of Venice?], but from what I remember, he wrote everything in a foreign language.
Pic.No.4 This is a typically old building in Stratford (circa 1450 AD). It was older than the Christmas cake in the back of my fridge
Pic.No.5 This is the river Avon flowing through Stratford. See those Geese things? They are evil bastards they are. One of them tried to peck me in a vicious way
The party was held just outside of Stratford and it was bloody brilliant. Except for the fact that the music was too loud and I couldn't hear anyone speak. And they couldn't hear me. So I was free to mingle using pseudo Latin phrases that I made up. Things like: "Brutus addarat for tee, kaiser ad some yam. Brutus sic in omnibus, kaiser innis hat."
The day after the party, there was another wander around Stratford. It's quite a posh place, so imagine my delight when I discovered a new gadget ......................... wait for it ......... wait for it ......................
Pic.No.6 My new solar-powered comedy Meerkat light
Even better, it was on Sale, so I got it for £6.00 instead of £12.50.
I bet you have never managed to get a solar-powered Meerkat for £6.00!
Bargain! Honestly, why would they need to be on Sale? Surely the shop can't keep up with demand?
Naughty George has been Barfing everywhere
I have to say, I've been a bit worried about the mutt for the last couple of weeks. Not only is he 17 years old, but his new hobby (as well as randomly biting other dogs in the face), is making a horrible KACK KACK retching sound and then throwing up bile upon various soft furnishings.
It's all to my chagrin; "JEEZ GEORGE! YOU CAN'T PUKE ON THAT, IT'S LAURA ASHLEY FOR GODS SAKE!"
To date, I have skidded through at least 4 puddles of yellow chunks.
It's a bit like that TV programme, 'Dancing on Ice', except the ice is replaced by dog vom.
Pic.No.7 I tried to distract myself from NG's dilemma by photographing Barbie riding a honking pig with a pissing dog in the background
But never fear, I shall keep you updated on NG's progress.
Glad to see you're still alive!
ReplyDeleteBut no, I won't be joining you on FriendFace, thank you very much.
So happy to see you back!!!
ReplyDeletePoor Izzy!! I hope she heals quickly. Is the heal time around 8 weeks or is it more or less? Looks uncomfortable. She does look like her cheerful self though.
Love the pics of Stratford on Avon. We have those geese things all over the place here as well.
As I only see them at a distance, I didn't realize they are evil. I will keep them at a distance.
Sorry to hear that Darling George isn't feeling well. Give him a pat on the head and tell him that Cheryl thinks he is cute.
Grand to hear you're still in the land of the living - my 5am cups of coffee have not been the same without reading of NG's barfing!
ReplyDeleteGood to have a blog to read..at last! ( I have been keeping up with various of your events on FB, so knew you were OK. ) Hope Izzy gets home OK and NG stops chucking up. Do you give him those chews that come in various guises, but basically look like pressed sick/porridge? I discovered a while ago that they give my old fella a dodgy tum.
ReplyDeleteI thought you'd bogged of to Guatemala to live as a nun.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!
ReplyDeleteWhere was Izzy skiing? One thing I do not see in any of your pictures is snow, so just wondering where she goes.
I hope George feels better. Our dogs leave us those same gifts too. ;-)
Stay well until next blog post.
Eh up Kevin, nice to hear from you! Izzy was skiing in Austria with Steve. I didn't go because I can't ski ;-) Thanks, I think NG is feeling a bit better cos he hasn't puked today. Last time he puked outside, a bird of prey swooped down and flew off with it.
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Hiya Robert, thanks for your last email, and yes, you don't have to worry although it's very nice that you do! You are right, she does get two seats on the aircraft, I didn't realise that. NG is on a strict diet and exercise regime and he seems much better today ;-)
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Bloody hell, I can understand the Guatamala bit, but not the nun bit. Being a nun sounds well boring! I have been having a right chuckle at your rants on Facebook by the way.
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Why thank you Sue / Frances! I am going to try and pull my finger out a bit more on the blogging front. No, I don't give any chews to him except Dentastix, but I had to laugh at your description of them as pressed sick/porridge! I will also leave off the Dentastix to see if that helps.
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Why thank you Sue! But what the blazes are you doing having coffee at 5am? That is weird, I would simply perish if I had to get up that early ....... or are you going to bed (that would be hardcore!)
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Awww thanks Cheryl! Izzy should be in plaster for about 6 weeks, but it's full leg plaster so moving around with her is gonna be tricky. Those geese are evil. They come right up and hiss. The good news is that NG is much better today - in that he hasn't honked up everywhere.
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LOL you div - FriendFace! I'll let you off with that, but I need to point out that you are missing out on Gumph's rants!
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Oh lord, poor Issy! And George. These things tend to come in threes... be careful.
ReplyDeleteNice to see you back..
Izzy. (Don't blog when tired.)
ReplyDeleteI used to work in Stratford years ago, it was a strange place then, most of the shops had their prices in both £'s and $'s it was full of American tourists, doing the Shakespeare bit.
ReplyDeleteNice and friendly the Americans were much better than the British locals who seemed mostly to resent the invasion daily but did not think about the money that came into the town.
I'd put the "missing in action" down to Oxfordshire still being cut off by snow! Guess it's melted now? Life continues apace it seems, but a Meerkat light? That, is something for Heavy Gustav or his little sister Big Bertha! She might not take out the rest of the village though!
ReplyDeleteCall me.
ReplyDeleteI feel the lack of blog guilt, I used to write every week, what the hell is wrong with us?
ReplyDeleteYou know kiddo, if you're going on an extended slap n' tickle holiday just say so, We're all big kids here.:)
ReplyDeleteWow. Poor Iz. And poor you! I know that had to have been hard to be so far from her when she got hurt. I'm sure it was worse for you than for her :/ That's the way motherhood goes. . .anyway, I've missed you. ..but don't feel too guilty...we'll only uprise if you keep us waiting for 2 months.
ReplyDeleteEh up Nicki! Yeh, it was a bit rough being so far away when she broke her leg, but she is hobbling around fine now on her crutches back at home. I promise I won't wait 2 months to do a blog post! There's a lot going on in the background at the mo though, so they will be a bit sporadic. Hope you are good chick!
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LOL you cheeky git! Nah, no slap and tickle holiday for me ....... just VERY busy with stuff - you know what ;-)
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Crikey, it's a mare keeping up with the posts when there is a lot going on isn't it? I love blogging too. And I love reading your blog. And I miss it when I am not involved. I could blog about shit every day I could. It's my superhero power.
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Oooh, sorry, I have only just been checking my email - I've had Izzy all week because of the summer hols.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds intriguing! I shall drop you a line me dear.
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Blimey Nick, you want to nuke my comedy Meerkat light? Never, I shall protect it's honour until my last breath is drawn!
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Hello Pete, thanks very much ..... Izzy is coping with her crutches remarkably well. The only problem is that she can't go very far on them, so it's a bit tricky getting out and about. And bathing her. And getting her in the car. And up the stairs. And dressed. And to school. Apart from that, you wouldn't notice it ;-) !!!!
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LOL! Izzy or Issy ....... I knew what you meant ;-)
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Gulp. I don't like the sound of that. I might build a nuclear shelter in the garden.
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Haha! 5am bedtimes are definitely in the past!! Looking forward to reading (in peace, at 5am) the next update and wishing you would not just drop hints about 'stuff going on in the background' - hints are utterly infuriating, think hard facts are required! Put us mere mortals out of our misery. Or lie xx
ReplyDeleteI'd be suing that ski lodge for free skiing for the rest of Izzy's life! And the Meerkat light is fabulous! Sorry about poor Naughty George. Thanks for the update. I have missed you, my friend. Love the new blog background.
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