The stringy turd was freaking me out the most: He would sweat and shake before ejecting it an inch at a time from his rear end, and then it kind of dangled from his butt, swaying in the wind before finally detaching itself. Maybe he'd eaten a ball of string or something?
Suffice to say, I did not envisage my future including weird dog-turd configurations. It was supposed to revolve around me reclining on a sofa, being fed grapes by a sinewy Adonis-type chap. It appeared as though things had gone awry. Anyway, I digress. Back to my tardiness ..............
I tell you now, if I was employing myself to write this blog, I would sack myself immediately. But luckily, because there is only me involved, I decided to be lenient and give myself a second chance. I'm kind like that.
Anyway, back to business. As you will remember, we (me, Izzy, Sarah, and her friend Gary) were snatching a quick week-long holiday in Cornwall before the end of the summer holidays.
Sarah is a History teacher by profession, so she really loves all old shit.
Picture the scene: we were all loafing around in the caravan on the second evening of our vacation, perusing the tourist brochures that had been provided for us.
"Can we go and visit Tintagel Castle?" Sarah piped up.
Gary and Izzy immediately jumped to their feet and started clapping rapturously. That's Sarah's superhero power - pleasing everyone all of the time (but in a historical rather than a rude way).
In the face of such castle jingoism, I could do nothing but acquiesce. Not that I minded too much. Hell, castles generally have Knights in suits of armour and there is generally scrapping involved.
And because I am kinder than Mother Theresa, except that I would consider laser surgery on any upper-lip fine lines, I have got some pictures to show you ....................
Pic.No.1 This is the entrance to Tintagel Castle. The castle was built on two dizzingly steep, but separate, headlands facing each other. It cost £5.70 per adult to get in (Izzy was £3.40) - That's $33.2 altogether
Pic.No.2 After paying for our entrance, the path took us down to Tintagel Bay .... suffice to say that in this instance, we had to go down before going up ......
Pic.No.3 (click to enlarge) This perplexed me. Apparently Tintagel Castle was the birthplace of the legendary King Arthur (the bloke who pulled the sword out of the stone). Is it me? But I thought that King Arthur was a mythical figure
Pic.No.4 The path up to the first part of the castle was scandalously steep and narrow ..... but you can't really appreciate it in this photograph
Pic.No.5 This shows it a little better ..... the path was precariously carved into a narrow ledge of rock that was only one person wide in many places. I am not a fan of heights and when I looked over the side, I felt like I was swaying and my stomach flipped
Pic.No.6 Following our ascent, we finally arrived at the castle. I told Sarah that it looked a bit like a pile of rubble and she said that I was a heathen because it was constructed in Medeival times (but to be honest, I was not exactly sure when that was)
Pic.No.7 This is Izzy with Gary. They were posing next to a hole that was used to attack enemies. Obviously they didn't attack enemies WITH the hole, they pointed their weapons through it
Pic.No.8 The gals on holiday (from left; Moi, Izzy, Sarah). Sarah out-lensed me on the camera stakes
Pic.No.9 This was the biggest surviving wall of the castle
Pic.No.10 (click to enlarge) Then suddenly, I happened upon this sign which provided me information about the Medieval times. Apparently, Tintagel Castle was built in AD1230. Bloody hell. It was nearly 800 years old! Not only that, excavations had proven that the site linked back to the Roman invasion in AD 300. That's way older than the oldest cucumber that I have ever had turn to liquid in the back of my fridge
Pic.No.11 This is a view of the castle from above. We had climbed further up the moutain to view other remains of ancient settlements that were scattered around the area. I know it was all a bit rubbley, but I have to admit, I was well impressed given the age of the site
Pic.No.12 Remember I said that the castle spanned over two headlands? Well, in this picture I was stood on one, and was looking out towards the second castle. There was an enormous gorge between them (which is hard to make out), but the second castle is the bright green bit in the centre of the picture that looks like a Fly Swat with a wobbly handle
Vid.No.1 I thought you might like a video of Tintagel Bay and castle
Vid.No.1 I thought you might like a video of Tintagel Bay and castle
Pic.No.13 And finally the sun came out ..... and I was able to take a picture of Tintagel in all it's glory
Pic.No.14 This picture is better because it's got me in it. I was squinting ferociously because I couldn't find my sunglasses. After reviewing this photo, I realised that they were on my head
Pic.No.15 After descending the mountain, we walked through Tintagel village and I spotted this cottage with a really wobbly roof
But enough of Tintagel and it's waist-high castles.
I like eating - a lot (as long as I am not cooking it). And immdiately after Sarah had suggested visiting Tintagel Castle, I had consulted a map and noticed that it was perilously close to a town called Padstow.
And handily enough, Padstow was famous for it's gourmet cuisine, provided by one Rick Stein (in case you live in the US, he is a bit like Gordon Ramsay, except he doesn't shout "Fuck" so much).
After I pointed out Padstow's proximity to Tintagel Castle, and the possibility of some gourmet nosh, Sarah and Gary jumped up and applauded.
Hurrah! I was now the popular kid in school. Except for the fact that Izzy pointed out that she wanted chicken nuggets. But it was easy to ignore her though because she was small and easily over-powered.
And so we headed to Padstow ........
Pic.No.16 Padstow was a super-pretty harbour village with lots of yachts being taken for a walk by yellow balls
Pic.No.17 See that little inflatable red thing? That's like my best yacht, that is
Pic.No.18 This was another view of Padstow harbour. What the blazes was that chap up to in the bottom right?
Pic.No.19 This is a picture of Padstow Bay beyond the harbour
Pic.No.20 Then we all decided that we were hungry and wanted our Rick Stein fish and chips .... so we looked high and low down the higgeldy-piggeldy backstreets of Padstow
Pic.No.21 We found Rick Stein's cafe, but still, it wasn't his fish and chip shop (he has three eateries in Padstow) ...... so we asked a local resident who gave us directions to a bay just outside of the Padstow village
Pic.No.22 We finally found it! Rick Stein's fish and chip shop. I was surprised that the building looked a little weather beaten ... but hey, look at the queues waiting to get in (arse). And there was even a couple of A-Team vans parked outside (one even had a ramp so that you could ride your scooter in)
Pic.No.23 The holy grail..... nom nom nom .....
Pic.No.24 This is the fish. It was served with a bit of leaf on it (not sure what - probably ivy or something), so that it looked arty
So was our anticipation of eating Rick Stein's fish and chips worthwhile?
Well, I gave it an 8.5 out 10
Gary gave it 9 out of 10
Sarah gave it 7 out of ten (because when she was a student she had worked at a chippy in Leeds)
But the biggy was that it cost over £50.00 ($81.00).
For a takeaway meal. For three and a half people.
That we ate in the back of the bling machine.
Crikey O'Reilly. That was a tad steep in my book.
Never mind me anyway ...... how the devil are you getting on now that the school holiday's are over? And has anything exciting happened this week?