Monday, 2 April 2012

Preparing myself for America ... the gluttony way

The thing about travelling to America is that there is a five hour difference so you have to ease yourself into it gradually and build up your strength, otherwise you might get jetlag and perish.

So the morning after I had arrived, I staggered weakly into the living room and announced to Clare that I needed a huge breakfast otherwise I might faint. I even collapsed onto the sofa (so it wouldn't hurt) for added gravitas.

Clare pondered for a while, "ok, I've got a plan," she said, "we can go to Bob Evans for breakfast".

Bloody marvellous!

Bob Evans is one of those places that you frequent if you like eating all the pies: I seriously doubt whether there is a dish on the menu that comes in at under 3000 calories. It's proper fat bastard fodder. Nom nom nom - my favourite.

We jumped into Clare's (new) car and hit the highway bound for Bob Evans. Without 15 minutes we were being shown to our table by a cross-eyed server called Candy. 

Pic.No.1 I ordered a Border Scramble which consisted of eggs, sauteed potatoes (home fries), omelette, sausage, spicy sauce, sour cream and a side of lard. It was sex on a plate

Pic.No.2 But because my body is a temple shack, and I wanted to offset some of the lard, I also ate these two grapes. That was my vitamin for the day

I have to say, that no other country can do breakfast like America. It is a far cry from being in the UK where you basically just eat toast and if you remain hungry, you are given more toast. It's not the most imaginative way to start the day.

I digress. After breakfast things went a bit downhill. And the numero uno reason for this was because shopping got involved. I needed some new summer clothes, and after seeing my shit-brown golfing shorts, Clare readily agreed.

Mind you, Clare likes shopping she does. She likes it as much as I dislike it. In fact she likes it so much that she is an extreme couponer. She won't buy anything unless it is free with a coupon.


Pic.No.3 Me? I don't care for shopping or couponing, but I do like to try shoes on when they have got comedy value

Pic.No.4 Look at these puppies! It's like something that Victoria Beckhan would wear

Regarding my general safety, you will be pleased to hear that I didn't buy the shoes. The reason being is that I never buy shoes that you can't run in. It is a philosophy that has served me well in my life.

But I did buy some rather nice cropped trousers and a couple of tops, so it was mission successful, and Clare was just well happy that she didn't have to hang round with someone wearing golfing shorts.

So dahlink, that was me easing myself gently into my first day in America. What the devil have you been up to this weekend?

26 comments:

  1. Marta MacQuarrie2 April 2012 at 02:46

    could you even walk in those? love the way you describe breakfast in america ;) 

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  2. You should have bought those shoes! Shoes are not about comfort, they are about looks... as the saying goes, those aren't shoes, they are pedestals!

    And as I recall the meals are all bloody huge in Florida!

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  3. I think the fact your never buy shoes you can't run in and you hate to shop proves without a shadow of a doubt...you are a genius. 

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  4. Oh, that breakfast looked delicious (and no chocolate was involved, unless you also had dessert?)!

    Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

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  5. Ahh, Breakfast in America - one of Supertramp's greatest.
    Yes, you had better buy some shoes you can run in, as you'll have about 6 stone to burn off by the time you get home!

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  6. I too never, well hardly ever, buy shoes that I can't run from an assailant in...

    And people have said I'm paranoid!

    Loving those grape goggles!

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  7. It has been so long since I was last in America, why didn't you take me with you?

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  8. Aw crikey, you shoulda said something before I got on the plane!



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  9. That's not paranoid, that bloody sensible. Don't listen to anyone else because I know everything!



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  10. You are not kidding Masher. All the food is lardtastic here.



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  11. That breakfast was bloody lush - but definitely no chocolate involved cos I don't like it. People say I am weird!



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  12. Poor Candy...she probably doesn't even know she's cross eyed...the little munckin! I bet the breakfast was over the top filling...mmmm...we try to avoid such places unless we are traveling and then we dive into everything we can get our hands on....Jim just recently started eating eggs...long story!! I loves em!

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  13. Eh Ron, you are right. Try and avoid those places otherwise you are gonna end up weighing 2 tons!



    That is intriguing about jim just starting to eat eggs - what's that about then?!

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  14. Why thank you! Even though I am not quite sure how you arrived at that conclusion - he he he! ;-)



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  15. Why thank you! I got about 6 feet before I had to save myself by clinging onto a display!



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  16. I think you shoulda bought the shoes. Might  have brought you some luck with the tallywhackered population. I could see you wearing them out in the fields with NG.  Pls tell Clare I said hi.

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  17. You guys talking about me again?! Eggs used to make me gag! Ever since I was a kid...I'd spit them up! Until I met the Voodoo Lady a couple of years ago....she did her thing and I have an egg every morning. She can do the same for 'fear of flying' and just about anything else! It's a miracle I tell ya, a miracle!! lol

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  18. That's one of the lasting side effects..he calls everyone Jerry!

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  19. oh my goodness those shoes!!  Yes portion sizes here in the US are obscene, don't you love it, giggle. Of course I have no self control,more giggles. That's probably why I have these extra inches around my menopause middle. Hugs!

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  20. You did buy those shoes you lying b'atch!!!

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  21. Don't, people will think I have taken to the streets!



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  22. The portions are obscene, but you are right - I love it. Crikey, but I know oh-so-well about those extra inches. I must join the gym when I get back!!


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  23. Ooops, I didn't realise that you were listening to us chat!!



    So let me get this straight - seriously, a Voodoo woman cured you of your hate of eggs. Literally, over night? What did she do to fashion such a sudden about turn? This is intriguing!



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  24. LOL Ron you daft git!! That is well funny ;-)



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  25. Who the blazes are the tallywhackered population?!! That would be fabulous out in the field dahlink - everyone in the village would think I am madder than I actually am ;-)



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