Thursday, 12 April 2012

Mad Museums and Mush Stuffing ..... all for Masher!

The other day I had a comment on my blog (by Masher) who complained that recently I had been writing too much about flowery and arty shit. And then he went on to suggest that I revisit the Kennedy Space Center because it has got stuff with engines and is more gadgety.

Ok, Clare and I didn't want to go back to the Space Center so soon after our initial visit last year, so instead, we picked something that we were sure would stop Masher whining. We decided to go to ..... dah duh dahhhhh [that was a drum roll] ............... a museum called 'Ripley's Believe it or Not'.

But before you roll your eyes and sigh, "please, anything but a bloody musuem." This wasn't your archetypal UK museuem - dusty, dark and displaying artefects that Great Britain nicked from other countries during our colonial period and have refused to give back. 

No sirree, the Ripley's museum was an Odditorium. Basically, some bloke called Robert Ripley rose to fame in America as a cartoonist in the early half of the 20th century. He then used the proceeds to travel around the world and collect 'weird shit'.

And that was the plan for the day.

Pic.No.1 We started the day off with breakfast by the pool. Clare made me a lush breakfast burrito with turkey sausage scrambled egg and cheese. I added jalapeno sauce to make it extra sick

Pic.No.2 Then we jumped into the car and headed for downtown Orlando which is where the 'Ripley's Believe it or Not' museum was located. I don't particularly like Orlando - all the pie-eating, tattooed British tourists congregate there, because it is the holiday equivalent of watching TV - you just get force fed manufactured entertainment (Clare called me a toff)

Pic.No.3 Anyway, back to Ripley's. The building was pretty cool, I have to admit. Half of it appeared to have sunken into the ground, but the weird thing was that when you got inside, all the rooms were square bar one

Pic.No.4 Me and some nude baby hit it off outside the front door

And so dahlink ..... here is your tour of Ripley's Odditorium ....... bear in mind that there is no theme. Robert Ripley literally just collected every piece of shit that he stumbled across on his travels ...... enjoy.

Pic.No.5 This was a tribal mask, but inside the mouth was a hologram of a jewell that you could see, but not touch

Pic.No.6 See that tall, skinny dude in the centre of the picture? That was actually an African coffin ...... see details below

Pic.No.7 How about that for recycling? The Africans could teach us a thing or two. I wonder if they were pissed with Robert after he nicked their coffin?

Pic.No.8 This was a human skull that had been decorated and then used as an African trophy. If it was my head that had been used, I would have been quite angry

Pic.No.9  Crikey, you would not believe what some African tribes did to appease the gods. The Mandan O-Kee-Pa torture rite was a festival held each summer to placate the water gods. They were strung up by their nips until their flesh tore and they fell. And then they had a finger chopped off. You wouldn't get that in Oxford

Pic.No.10 Awww, look ..... it's a cute two-headed cow. And they preserved the skeleton for us to look at

Pic.No.11 This was cool - see that big box on the right hand side of the picture? That was a coffin and it's design inspired the saying 'saved by the bell' (explanation below)

Pic.No.12 Ugh, how freaky is the thought of being buried alive? The only benefit is that you get a lie-in

Pic.No.13 It's me. I shouldn't have scoffed that last waffer-thin mint

Pic.No.14 The Americans are very friendly people

Pic.No.15 At some point, a bloke randomly stuck a load of instruments to a VW Beetle. No idea why, but Ripley collected it

Pic.No.16 Clare made me go on the 'Throne of Passion'. It cost 50c and told me that I was exciting .... excellent ...... now who to try it out on?!

Pic.No.17 Blimey, this shark had a bigger mush than Clare!

Pic.No.18 This was the dinosaur section. It didn't photograph too well because it was so dark. But you can see a pair of T-Rex gnashers to the right hand side of the picture

Pic.No.19 This was the torture section (it too, was dark inside). Apparently, medeival England and Germay were masters at torturing people using things like the Iron Maiden pictured above. Basically the prisoner would be told to stand inside it, and then when the door closed, spikes would pierce key organs - like the eyes, throat and liver. Job done (if torture is your thang)

Pic.No.20 A random sign about Florida being the lightening capital of the world. I can believe it though - I always see fab thunder storms when I visit

Pic.No.21 The orientation in this picture is all weird. It looks like there is a blue floor with loads of bed-pans attached, but that is actually a wall on my left. What kind of sick person collects bed pans and then sticks them on a wall?

Pic.No.22 This is Clare standing next to a bit of the Berlin Wall. It's Cold War-tastic. The graffitti, roughly translated (using my own form of German), means .... "I love integration." But I am not that good at German so 'misch' could also mean dogging as far as I know

Pic.No.23 This is a Kayan lady hailing from the border between Thailand and Burma. These women are called 'Giraffe women' because they apply rings to their neck to make it look longer. In fact, the rings are simply depressing their clavicle and ribs to make their neck appear elongated over time. This procedure generally starts at the age of 5 FIVE!!!! WTF?

Pic.No.24 I didn't believe that 5 year old kids had neck rings put on them .... until I did a bit of research .......... It's true. Crikey O'Reilly

Pic.No.25 In the meantime, Clare norks were lunged at by the 'Lizard Man'

Pic.No.26 This is me standing next to the world's tallest man, Robert Wadlow

Pic.No.27 And then just down the corridor was a miniature mock-up of the Terracotta Army .... which was pretty much the end of our visit to Ripley's. There were tons of other stuff to see, so you will just have to pay a visit yourself dahlink

Pic.No.28 This was me posing into my own camera outside the museum

Pic.No.29 After being museumed-out, Clare and I decided to have lunch and then embark upon some retail therapy. She drove us to the premier Orlando shopping mall. Nice work dahlink!

Pic.No.30 It was bloody lovely inside ............. all nice and cool .... aaaah!

Pic.No.31 And because we were 'Hank Marvin', Clare and I headed to a restaurant called the 'Cheesecake Factory' for lunch

Pic.No.32 They served some amazing spicy cheesy chicken dippers ...... RARR ... sex on a plate. But unfortunately the service was rubbish, so we didn't tip, and the waiter looked at us with properly evil eyes (cheeky bastard)

Pic.No.33 After lunch, Clare and I decided to partake in a spot of clothes shopping. But after ten minutes, I suddenly remembered that I hated shopping and asked if we could go home (but not before I procured myself an orange and pink t-shirt)

Anyway, enough of today. I am currently looking for more fab places to visit - do you have a recommendation for me? It can be anywhere in the world and I would like to hear about why it is fab! Chars Dahlink!! x

20 comments:

  1. There used to be a Ripleys in Blackpool, I've seen some of those exhibits there, do you think he collected 2 of everything for our entertainment.  I think you should go to Blackpool for comparison purposes and re-create your current adventures!!

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  2. OMG woman, get thee to Texas where we will find you a real man so you can quit feeling up Claire and looking for Mr. Wadlow's long gone, most assuredly ginormous tallywhacker.

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  3. That looks to have been an interesting day out, actually, although some of the exhibits could be classed as modern art... and please don't get me started on that load of old tosh.

    Pic 13 is a warning that you need to come home and start eating proper.

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  4. Muminmeltdown14 April 2012 21:28

    This brought so many memories back from our visit to Florida a few years ago.....I so want to go back!!! Damn having no bloody money lol. Anyway I love Ripleys just cause it is so full of wierd shit- you just don't get it anywhere else. But now I'm starving as have missed how big the food portion sizes are :)

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  5. I'd LOVE to go there !
     When we were kids we used to visit Potter's Museum in Sussex. Mr Potter ( I suppose ) had a collection of dead mice, birds, little creatures etc all stuffed & dressed up like people. They were displayed in scenes like boating on the river or a village cricket match or depicting poems like,  " Who killed cock Robin ?"  It was grotesque & fascinating all at the same time. I know it moved & where the moth eaten rodents are now I don't know !

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  6. I've been to a Ripley's museum too, South Carolina I think.  There was a model of the tall chap there too.

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  7. I'm all about the food, so what I have to say is:  that breakfast looks amazing!

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  8. Um.. ewww... all kinds of creepy stuff at Ripley's. I like the artsy crap way better!

    And do you realize how often you post pictures of food? Just saying....

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  9. No. 13 had me chuckling...you are really having a grand time in Florida aren't you...!

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  10. I've done London's Ripleys and thought it was pretty good - certainly the boys loved it.  I dare say there were less Americans at Orlando though

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  11. AH! So we have something in common! Yep you are right. The one in Orlando was packed with British tourists - howsabout the one in London?



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  12. Thank you - I too thought I pulled off the 'fat bastard' look with aplomb!


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  13. No way - so there is a Ripleys in Orlando, London and South Carolina? How much weird shit did that dude collect?!



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  14. Aww Pen, it sounds right up your street!



    But what the hell is going on with that Potter's museum? Shit it sounds horrifying! Perfect for kids mind ;-)



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  15. Hey! So you have been to Ripleys? Cool. It's pants that you can't go back there for another sneaky peek.



    It's not just the portion sizes that are big ;-)



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  16. Don't worry, you won't be catching me admiring that modern art bollocks.


    Shit yeh, I would definitely look like no. 13 if I stayed out there too long. I can't control myself!



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  17. Oooh yes please. Have you got one lined up for me (one who isn't weird that is)?!



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  18. Bloody hell - there is one in Blackpool too? So far I have had reports of one in Orlando, South Carolina, Blackpool and London.



    The dude must have collected at least 4 of everything he encountered. I don't believe him!



    I like the idea of comparing the Blackpool one with the one in Orlando though ;-)



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  19. You're welcome. Anything to stop you complaining!! ;-)



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