Wednesday, 21 March 2012

World's Fattest Woman (to be)?

Right that's it. Now I have seen it all.

You could be forgiven in our modern day society, for thinking that as times become tougher, people are becoming increasingly more apathetic and resigned. Maybe so, but that doesn't necessarily apply to everyone.

Especially the woman I am about to introduce you to.

Her name is Susanne Eman from Arizona, and she is 33. And she has a burning ambition to .........  (get this, it's barking mad) ........ become the fattest woman in the world.

When I first read it, I thought my eyes were deceiving me. But they weren't. And it became blindingly obvious quite quickly, that we weren't dealing with Harvard's finest.

Back to Susanne's quest to become the worlds heaviest woman: She currently weighs 54 stones (756 lbs), but her target weight is 115 stones (1,610 lbs).

Abso-bloody-lutely unbelievable, especially given that most super-obese people die after reaching 70 stones (980 lbs). But it doesn't stop there - she has two children, and has recently become engaged to a chef who is using his culinary skills to help her achieve her goal.

I remain incredulous at the whole scenario.

Why on earth would you want to turn yourself in the world's biggest living Doner Kebab? Especially given that she currently relies heavily on a wheelchair to get around, and acknowledges that when she is 1,610 lbs, she won't be able to move at all. That's if she attains that obscene weight without carking it first.

How messed up is the whole bloody scenario? ...... and ...... WHY? She looks like a double duvet-cover that has been filled with potatoes and sump oil. That's never gonna make you feel good when you have to go to Parent's Evening at primary school and they only have those tinsy tiny chairs.

Pic.No.1 This is Susanne with her fiance Parker. But what the hell is that hanging down from under her skirt? Please don't tell me they are legs, because they look like those ghosts from Ghostbusters (upside down ghosts, mind)

Pic.No.2 Breakfast = nom + nom + nom 'to the power of three' (is it me, or does Parker look really creepy feeding her?)

Pic.No.3 This really renders me agape because of the fruitlessness of it all. Apparently Susanne exercises daily to try and keep herself 'active and mobile' during her quest

Pic.No.4. Now really, what's the point of trying to touch your toes if you have eaten 20 pies for breakfast? (ooh - Parker looking creepy again. Quelle Surprise)

Pic.No.5 More exercises. Not only that, but she and Parker are allegedly regular swimmers. Poor Archimedes. If only he had had access to Susanne in the olden days, his water displacement formula would have only taken 10 minutes knock out - helped muchly by magnification theory

Pic.No.6. Aw crikey. It gets worse. Her husband has to cut her toenails. And I have question .... how the hell does she wash herself properly? She has loads of folds that she could never get to on her own. That is the grossest thing in my book. She must honk like a dead badger

Pic.No.7 AAAH. The money shot (not)! Just in case you were wondering (and I wasn't because I had reached my 'gross-out limit'), Parker and Susanne apparently do have an active sex life. Look he even takes off his glasses so he can properly get into the rut

Anyway, I need to sign off before I spew. But before I go, I have collated two of Susanne's (profound) observations, garnered on her journey to become the world's fattest bird. Enjoy ........

Quotation one: 'It's harder to gain weight than you might think, because I'm trying to stay as healthy and active as possible,' she said. 'I've been slowly upping what I eat. It's like an athlete training, but instead of training to be harder, I'm making myself softer.'

Quotation two: 'I want to try and break the stigma that being fat is bad. [Yep, we should all be aspiring to weigh 1000 lbs, otherwise we are losers].

Jesus Mary Mother of God. I still can't get my head round it. 

I am waiting with bated breath for the next loony campaign; 'Crystal Meth - Great for Growing Families!' etc.

So dahlink - what is your view on super-morbid-obesity?

55 comments:

  1. Ummm...well I never want to be judgmental. I can't say, but I don't know all of the facts. Not my taste, but what do I know...I would never join a club that would have me as a member (Groucho Marx).  Oh...and byt the way, I bet you are frightened that I showed up her ;)

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  2. Aww Hiya Ron... I am not freaked out, just pleased. You can show up whenever you like. There are no rules me lovely!!! And you don't get frowned upon ...... ever. Huzzar!



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  3. I can only think of one sentence to describe here and  the words cow and stupid are in there somewhere.

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  4.  Anne - I know it has been a while...I will try harder I promise...working on health issues...yah...I'm mental ;)...or a Numpty ;)

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  5. I am gagging....WTF..I am trying not to offend those people that have weight issues but really???This chick  is f****** ridiculous. I try to be tolerant to medical issues and such but to TRY to be 1600 pounds and have a mega creepy enabler help attain such a lofty goal... I can't begin to understand what type of NUT that would be.

    What is the point of exercising when she is simultaneously  trying to become immobile due to her extreme weight.
    Just too gross for words.

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  6. "Active sex life"? With that?  I'd need to take my glasses off too.

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  7. The good old US of A, land of the free to to do whatever you want! Can only think of one word....Uuurrghh.

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  8. I actually think he is almost as mad as she is.  This is disgusting, to actually try to get as fat as possible just for the sake of it.....the mind boggles!!

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  9. I read that article too and my jaw dropped like a cartoon character.  What the hell is she thinking?  What about the kids? I just can't get my head around the fact that someone would try and be the fattest person in the world.  
    Does make me feel better about my wobbly tummy though! 

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  10. I can't figure out which of them is more mental. An active sex life? Seriously? What does he do, roll her in flour and aim for the damp patch? Ych y fi.

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  11. Oh My God.....Words fail me!

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  12. It's just a shame. Primarily for her children......

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  13. I am not Twiggy. But next to her I'd look like I was. She should never wear horizontal stripes.

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  14. Masher made me laugh aloud!  So did Gumph, my Ma used to say that to me if I was dirty.  Ych-a-fi, dirty mochyn!

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  15. Hello and welcome! Are you a new visitor round these parts? I know - the whole thing is beyond belief. Don't you go worrying about your wobbly tummy - I am sure it pales into significance.



    I want to make friends with the woman so I look good when I am pictured next to her in photographs. Huzzar!



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  16. You are so right Sue - the mind bloody boggles because she is doing it on purpose!! Did you see the size of her breakfast? I couldn't eat that in a day. Minging.



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  17. She's not your type then Nick? I dunno - guys are picky these days!! ;-)


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  18. Christ Masher, I hope you would have greater lines of defence than simply taking off your glasses! You could get lost for months in there.



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  19. And she probably refers to herself as chunky, chubby or cuddly. As opposed to enormous pie-eating blob!



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  20. Totally agree with thee Martin! I can't get my head round the fact that she has CHOSEN to do this to herself. Mentalist!



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  21. You made me laugh out loud with your comment about her not wearing horizontal stripes! I have never seen anyone further beyond using that as a preventative measure!



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  22. Them two are like bloody peas in a pod! (must admit, made me laugh my head off too!)



    What is this Ych-a-fi and dirty mochyn. I must have led a sheltered childhood cos I have never heard of 'em!



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  23. Awww man alive, if someone was gonna win a prize for the funniest comment on this post ....... it would have gone to you! I was laughing my head off. You are one sick puppy Gumph, and I can't get the damp patch out of my head.


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  24.  Howdy Cheryl. I am with you. I cannot understand why on earth she would TRY to reach the goal of world's fattest woman. It beggars belief. She is a total minger!!

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  25.  Isn't it just incredible? I can't get my head around why someone would CHOOSE that? And that creepy feeder bloke just aint helping matters.

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  26. There is something seriously wrong with this woman and one can only hope she finds help.

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  27. wow. the husband is so super creepy. the awe in his eyes as he encourages her to kill herself. 

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  28. #@$%@!$%^&**^*()_*&%$###.  I have nothing else to say.

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  29. OMG! I think these two "people" have more of a mental illness, than a physical one. It's just not normal. Nope. Uh Un.

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  30. We should roast her carve her up and solve the world famine problem. Stupid b*!** 

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  31. Ych-a-fi is almost like saying 'gross' or 'Ew' a phrase of disgust.  Mochyn means pig, so - Eww, you dirty pig.  Usually said if something is sticky or dirty.

    Welsh class over!

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  32. LOL - don't you think
    the meat might be a bit on the fatty side?!
     

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  33.  LOL - I totally agree.
    These people are completely unhinged. They should see
    someone!

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  34.  LOL - it's totally
    barking isn't it? I can't get my head round it
    either!!

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  35.  Bloody hell - of
    course it is Welsh. I should have guessed from the spelling. Mind you, I would
    never in a million years of guessed that it meant 'you dirty pig'. Maybe I
    should remember it and use it more often in conversation
    ;-)

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  36. You totally got it
    nailed with that summary Kage! His expression is just absolutely cringeworthy.
    He is waaaay to into her fatness. Spew ;-)

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  37. More wise words Jimski.
    She is indeed a complete fruit-loop. And that excuse for a husband is giving her
    the spur she needs to carry on. Well sad.

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  38. LOL - don't you think the meat might be a bit on the fatty side?!



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  39. LOL - I totally agree. These people are completely unhinged. They should see someone!



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  40. LOL - it's totally barking isn't it? I can't get my head round it either!!


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  41. Bloody hell - of course it is Welsh. I should have guessed from the spelling. Mind you, I would never in a million years of guessed that it meant 'you dirty pig'. Maybe I should remember it and use it more often in conversation ;-)



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  42. I know. How minging is that?!



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  43. You totally got it nailed with that summary Kage! His expression is just absolutely cringeworthy. He is waaaay to into her fatness. Spew ;-)



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  44. More wise words Jimski. She is indeed a complete fruit-loop. And that excuse for a husband is giving her the spur she needs to carry on. Well sad.



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  45. It is just lovely to have you stop around .... whenever you fancy it!



    Aww matey, I didn't know about your health issues ..... if you need a chat .. you know where I am xxx



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  46. I really feel seduced by obese womens shape! nandoguerra@live.com

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  47. You sound like a feeder - marvellous! Let me know how you get on.



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  48. gildedbutterfly24 May 2012 at 13:40

    Not sending this woman to a mental institution is negligiant homicide...

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  49. Couldn't agree more - it's just wrong!



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  50. I believe this woman is beautiful. I would like to take her to a game at Busch Stadium. Baseball Heaven could use an Angel like this.

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  51. I think We should roast her carve her up and solve the world famine problem.

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  52. please tell me who gives you the right to talk about this lady and make such horrid comments about her smelling ,when did the internet get smelly vision . I agree she needs help , and calling her names and being down right horrid about her is just wrong , there but by the grace of god. I hope this lady gets the help she needs and that the lady who made all the nasty comments gets a little bit of light in her heart, and understands not everyone can be so perfect as she must think she is .

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