Thursday, 29 March 2012

Izzy gets arrested aged 6

There is one trick that I have learned whilst dragging bringing up Izzy, and that is, if you keep an kid entertained, your house doesn't get trashed. Yep, it is that simple. Find 'em something to do and you spare yourself the trauma of seeing 'I luv High skook musikal' daubed over your living room walls with an indelible marker.

In this vein, last weekend I decided to take Izzy and her chum (whom I shall call Chumski) on a day out. Actually, Chumski's father, Tim, also decided to come because he was at a loose end.

Bloody marvellous. Bring on the fun.

Pic.No.1 I had decided to take the sprogs to the Natural History Museum (NHM) in Oxford (pictured above), because they were holding a 'Wow, How?' event designed to get kids interested in science. Which is a good thing because I wanted Izzy to be an engineer like me. Or a hairdresser, because then I wouldn't have to go to the hairdresser's shop. We arrived at 2pm

Pic.No.2 The first thing we encountered as we approached the NHM, were a number of cool stalls all demonstrating different sciencey principles. This is Izzy and Chumski at the bubble stall (even though bubbles really aren't that sciencey)

Pic.No.3 They spent nearly 30 minutes blowing bubbles until I realised something. Kids are well easily amused

Pic.No.4 Next up, we went to the 'slime stall'. Basically, the kids were taught simple chemistry, i.e. baking powder + borax = slime. You have no idea how much I had to restrain myself from jumping in and making my own slime

Then, just as the kids were entering the 'zone' with their scientific experiments, an announcement came over the tannoy; 'please note that the Wow How science exhibition will be closing in ten minutes'.

Aw crap. Apparently we should have arrived at 10am instead of 2pm in order to fit everything in.

Izzy's bottom lip started wobbling a bit, and Chumski was looking a bit distraught.

I looked at Chumski's dad, Tim, and said, "oops, I think I got the timings a bit wrong. Same old, same old - great on the big ideas and crap at the execution!" Tim nodded despairingly.

But being an optimistic person, Tim placated the sprogs by saying they could look at the dinosaurs in the NHM instead of doing the 'Wow How' experiments'.

So we still managed to take in some of the Natural History Museum even though the experiments were all packing up.

Pic.No.5 Look, here are the skeletons of a Tyrannasaurus Rex, and another big bastard dinosaur whose name I don't know (probably called something ended in -us)

Pic.No.6 This is a statue of Newton. It's a bit ironic given that he his famous for his 'laws of motion'

Pic.No.7 This is Chumski and Izzy being attacked by a T-Rex. Not a real one, obviously. I don't want Social Services on my back

Pic.No.8 This is a statue of the Prince Consort. I thought that he was that bloke who married Queen Victoria. If he was, I have no idea why a statue of him is installed in the NHM. What naturaley stuff did he do?

Pic.No.9 This is the 'Pitt Rivers Museum'. It is a permanent exhibition tacked onto the back of the NHM. It is basically an enormous room containing thousands of totally barking exhibits, donated by explorers who travelled round the world in the olden days ..... including things like pygmy skulls, and poisoned darts (by the way, that is a huge Totem Pole at the back of the room)

Pic.No.10 A real pair of 'stocks'. This was a typical punishment in the UK's olden days, and the 'stocks' were normally located in the market square of a town. A prisoner would have his ankles and wrists locked into the holes, and he would then be pummelled with rotten tomatoes by the townsfolk. We should still use a system like that

After completing our tour of the NHM and Pitt Rivers Museum, the fun didn't stop there. Tim had suggested that once we had finished at the NHM, we stop by at the Sheldonian theatre to meet his wife who was singing there. Bloody brilliant idea!

Let me explain. Tim and his wife (Denise), are ardent choral singers, so getting a chance to meet up with her, and then to witness her performing in one of the most iconic theatres in the world was a Brucey bonus. 

Pic.No.11 On the way to the Sheldonian Theatre we passed the gates of one of the University Colleges

Pic.No.12 We also passed the incredibly famous Hertford Bridge, otherwise known as the 'Bridge of Sighs' after a similar bridge in Venice, Italy

Pic.No.13 Before finally arriving at the Sheldonian Theatre ........ famous for it's circular shape and amazing architecture

Pic.No.14 In order to get a sneaky preview of Denise's choir rehearsing prior to their performance (later that evening), we surreptitiously snook down the side of the theatre and entered by a side door

Pic.No.15 I hadn't been inside the Sheldonian Theatre before, so it was a total treat. Just look at the ceiling. How long did some painter have to lie on his back to paint that mama?

Pic.No.16 This was the orchestra (bottom left), and choir (located to the right hand side, and up on the higher back levels). It was a rehearsel which is why they weren't wearing their posh gear

Pic.No. 17 I did a bit of research about the Sheldonian Theatre and found this ancient photograph of the inside taken before the turn of the last century. It really hasn't changed much

Pic.No. 18 See all those 'organ pipes' on the upper level? Bloody amazing they are

 Pic.No.19 Look at this! It's a drawing showing the interior of the Sheldonian Theatre in the late 1700s / early 1800s. The picture on the ceiling still looks the same as in my photographs

Pic.No.20 This is Tim trying to keep Izzy and Chumski amused whilst I watched Denise sing one of Bach's choral works in the Sheldonian Theatre

Vid.No.1 This is the video of Bach's choral work being performed in the Sheldonian Theatre. Sorry the picture is really thin - I had forgotten my Canon Powershot S95 and had to rely on my iPhone. Pants. But how cool is the performance?

Pic.No.21 A picture of one of the windows inside the Sheldonian Theatre, taken just before the concert ended ......

Pic.No.22 After hearing the concert, we left the building and let Izzy and Chumski entertain themselves by running repeatedly around the circular Sheldonian theatre. Ah. Easy life for me!

Pic.No.23 In fact, in a total period of 45 minutes, they only stopped briefly (2-3 minutes) to have a rest from running around the theatre - wearing themselves out - how marvellous?!

Pic.No.24 ..... but in that short period of time a Japanese lady sat down beside them whilst her companions took photographs 

"I've had enough of watching them run around the Sheldonian Theatre," Tim said, "some of our friends have met up for a drink at a local pub, do you fancy hooking up with them?"

"Spiffing idea," I replied.

Pic.No.25 So we made our way to the White Horse pub in Broad Street where Tim and Denise's friends were enjoying a beer out front in the sunshine

We whiled away the time chatting and sipping beer, when suddenly I realised that Izzy and Chumski had gone missing.

"Blimey, where are they?" I asked Tim. 

"Don't worry, they are in the bookshop next door, called Blackwells," he replied, "and I have checked on them regularly to make sure they are ok."

Yep, everyone was happy because there was beer involved, and the sprogs were enjoying themselves.

So I didn't really take much notice of the police car arriving nearby with it's blue lights flashing. Nor did I heed the two coppers who jumped out of the car and ran into Blackwells Bookshop. 

A further five minutes passed before the aforementioned two coppers emerged from the shop, each with their hand gripping a child's shoulder. And as you have probably already guessed, the children in question were no other than ...... Izzy and Chumski.

One of the coppers started radio-ing the police station, and I caught the words 'abondoned and children'. BLOODY HELL!

I remained rooted to the spot with shock, but luckily Tim took the situation in hand. He ran over to the policeman.

"They are not abandoned," he said quickly, "they were just playing in the bookshop and we had been regularly checking them."

"Well the children claimed that they weren't sure where their parents were," said the copper (the tinkers), and then remonstrated with Tim for a good few minutes before handing over the strays, who were grinning broadly at the excitment of it all. I luckily got off scot-free because I pretended that I didn't know who the kids belonged to. Huzzar!

Drama over, the group of us decided to walk and get something to eat in an Italian restaurant in the city centre.

Pic.No.26 We walked from the White Horse pub, down Broad Street (pictured above)

Pic.No.27 Then we turned onto George Street. And there was an amazing stretch limo waiting at the lights. I want one of those I do

Pic.No.28 We were headed for the 'ASK' Italian restaurant on Broad Street, Oxford

Pic.No.29 This is Tim recovering from his encounter with the police, with Izzy and Chumski looking unphased in the background

Pic.No.30 I ordered a Calzone pizza and very nice it was too. I had never eaten at ASK before, even though it is a chain restaurant, but would definitely go back there again

And so dahlink, it was an uneventful, yet pleasant end, to a somewhat eventful day. I love eventful days I do. They are ace.

So, have you even been arrested? 'Fess up now.


  1. Kid gets arrested, you use words like "bastard dinosaur".... I nominate you for parent of the year!

  2. Do they make little tiny handcuffs for little tiny children?

  3. Why thank you [takes a flourishing bow], I like to bring my own take to the issue of parenting ;-)


  4. Not sure. Tim managed to intervene before they were properly cuffed and banged up. Next time they get nicked, I will leave it a bit to see what happens!


  5. Well that's a place i can scratch off my list to see considering you showed me bloomin' everything. You certainly live an exciting life. gorgeous images. I'll go back to bed now and keep dying. *Cough*


  6. As usual you show the brilliance of your parenting skills. 

    I approve I really do, Izzy is having THE most exciting childhood.  How many kids can go back after the Easter break and say they were arrested while Mum was with her mates in the pub!!  Much better than the boring old,"played in the garden, watched tv, played on my PS3" (or 4 or 5 or whatever is THE number it's up to!!)

  7. I know - when it comes to parenting I am up there with Kerry Katona and Stacy Solomon! She pretty much enjoyed being arrested but I hope she doesn't do a 'show and tell' at school.


  8. Blimey, you do know how to have a good time with little ones don't you?  Oxford is a great place to find things to do anyway. 

    I couldn't possibly answer your question.

  9. When I was about 8 or 9 I was on my own walking back from school across the corner of some waste ground next to a main road. In the interests of seeing what would happen to it, I picked up an old bottle and dropped it . It smashed, and a policeman who was riding his bike past ( in the olden days they rode bikes ! ) called me over and made me run along beside his bike, probably telling me off as well, though I can't remember the finer points of the occurrence. I certainly never forgot it.....the bastard wouldn't be allowed to do that now ! ( no tiny handcuffs were produced )

  10. LOL! Bloody hell you master crim! Isn't it funny how times change? In those days, policeman were respected and you wouldn't dream of saying things like 'no comment' to them, or you would get a cuff round the earhole.

    Do you think that he nipped your criminal career in the bud?


  11. How about you answer the question anonymously?!


  12. You can't just say yes without saying what for. It's just not cricket!


  13. Eh up sicknote - you still crock then?! It was a bit of an epic post. I am doing you a favour - giving you a tour without you having to pay for a flight ;-)


  14. Little minxes ! Never been arrested - yet ! 

  15. Yes, my evil criminality was halted at an early age, and I never so much as dropped a sweet paper from that day to this !

  16. I don't believe you for a second. You have lived too full a life, and travelled too much not to have been nicked at some point!

  17. Yes, my evil criminality was halted at an early age, and I never so much as
    dropped a sweet paper from that day to this !

  18.  Is that you SFcarr? Even if not, I am very glad you that are now a law abiding citizen. Imagine if we all ran riot smashing a bottle once in our lifetimes!

  19. Yes tis me........ sfcarr....the comments thingy looked " different" when I did that one, and I did it  via google, where I am " Frances"....just done another on your last blog, via google, but it has turned me back into sfcarr!  Its all a mystery to me!

  20. Yep in my youth a couple of times....

    One was ridiculous as me and a few mates were arrested for swinging on goalposts in the local park. Mugshots, finger prints the lot. My old man found it hillarious until he realised he had to come up the cop shop on a friday night to bail me out.

    Criminal mastermind, thats what I am.

  21. Perhaps I'll e-mail you...

  22. Ha ha cool! I promise I won't put it on the blog ;-)


  23. LOL! You got nicked for swinging on goalposts? Surely that is a bit heavy-handed of the coppers? Unless you were doing anything else?!!

    You are a proper crim now though!


  24. If it is any consolation, the commenting system is a mystery to me too - and it's my blog!


  25. pay for my flight next time... just sayin'

  26. Jeez, why didn't you say in the first place. It would been far easier getting the flight than posting all those bloody photos! ;-)



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