Tuesday, 10 January 2012

I am getting there ...... gradually ok?!

I got a bollocking today I did. It was from a bloggy chum called SFCarr, and she wrote: "Hi Annie. You are obviously having such a "Happy New Year" that you can't be arsed to blog any more! Missing you. It's half way through January and you are still on Boxing Day. Pull yourself together woman! X"

Bloody right that is. I have been tardy with my blogging recently. It's not like I don't have anything to blog about either - you could sit me inside a ping pong ball (albeit a large one), and I could still find something to bang on about.

So, rather than pledging my usual new year's resolution (which is generally to acquire another vice), I am instead going to get back on top of my blogging. I hope. And I am going to start by finishing off what happened during the Christmas holidays ........... that'll give me a nice clean slate.

Well as you already know, I spent the first half of the holidays in Leeds with my chum Sarah, and then drove back to Oxford for my second Christmas on 28th (I am greedy like that).

My second Christmas is the one I spend with Izzy and Steve (and this year my cousin too), and it is an exact replica of the real one. It might sound a bit spazzy, but it means both Steve and I get to spend a Christmas day with the ginger peril.

So here goes dahlink ...... a wrap-up of the holidays.

The Second Christmas

I had put a lot of preparation into the second Christmas, including organising a video of Santa Claus for Izzy.  A chum (Sarah) had told me about a really cool website called http://www.portablenorthpole.tv (it only works in December) where you input all the parameters of your child and it generates a personal message from Santa Claus. So I did that and showed it to Izzy on the night before Christmas day ........

Vid. No.1 Izzy's message from Santa Claus (4 mins 19 secs). I think it was fair to say it was a hit. And if you have kids, I highly recommend that you do the same for them next Christmas

Pic.No.1 This is Christmas morning and the money shot - the moment that Izzy discovered that Father Christmas had left her loads of presents. If you look carefully you can see the glittery footprints coming from the fireplace. Izzy took one look at them and said, "they're small feet, Santa must have been too fat to fit down the chimney so he sent an elf instead."

Izzy also indignantly pointed out (upon noticing the lack of snow); "It's supposed to snow at Christmas. If I had a pair of wings, I would fly up to God and kick him in the nuts for not sorting it." Beautiful innocent children.

Pic.No.2 Izzy might have delusions of grandeur - whenever she isn't wearing school uniform, she can been seen sporting, high heels, a balldress and crown

Pic.No.3 Izzy was rather happy with her booty, including this present. It was called 'Cookie My Playful Pup' and it was downright macabre. It responded to sound and touch, so although it normally remained motionless, when you walked past it, it registered your footprints and started barking manically. The number of times, I nearly crapped myself in shock .... let's just say I have never had such a strong urge to twat a toy with a spade - over and over again

Pic.No.4 Many of her presents seemed to have a Harry Potter theme this year. That JK Rowling must be bloody rolling in it

Pic.No.5 These are Izzy's Harry Potter glasses. That was the only time I saw her wearing them

Pic.No.6 Maybe because she saw me wearing them and thought 'blimey, I can't compete with that ... she is like a bleedin' clothes horse'

Pic.No.7 This is my cousin Jane and her gorgeous boy, Mitchell. They arrived just before lunch after hearing that it was free

Pic.No.8 This was us scoffing Christmas dinner. I told them to smile like Wallace and Grommet if they wanted more sherry. And as well as the prawn starter shown in the picture, we also had turkey and triple smoked ham. I am like bloody Delia Smith I am


Pic.No.9 Mitchell flashes me a big grin. I thought that I had a way with the boys, but it turned out that he wanted more sherry

And the day was completed by flopping on the sofa and watching that old classic 'Bedknobs and Broomsticks'. But two hours sitting in front of the TV and Jane and I got a bit restless. So we decided to test drive Izzy's new karaoke machine. Bloody great little machine that was - it came complete with mircrophone, songs, and amp (with echo function). My cousin Jane started off proceedings with her brilliant singing voice, which made me feel all confident because after all, we're related aren't we?

After listening to her plough her way through dittys such as 'Beautiful' by Christina Aguilera, and Susan Boyle's version of 'I dreamed a dream', I finally wrestled the microphone from her clammy hands and prepared for glory.

But things didn't quite work out as I had hoped. The singing genes obviously hadn't blessed the 'Dickens' side of the family, and I peaked out at 'Klingons on the Starboard Bow', which incidentally, is the tune I want playing at my funeral. Not that I am expecting it imminently or anything.

I knew I had peaked out because Steve and Jane simultaneously grimaced when I reached the high note of 'starboard'. "You're flatter than Kate Middleton's chest", Steve noted. So I immediately gave up singing because Steve is from Birmingham, meaning that he isn't that discerning anyway. Good job I am not easily offended.

So dahlink, how is new year panning out for you?

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