Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Reason one: Why I should never try to be a Role Model

Being a parent is a responsible job, which is why I take it seriously some of the time. The way I see it, it's my role to ensure she is equipped with all the skills needed to turn her into a rounded adult (rounded as in 'skills' not 'body shape').

Which is why Izzy could operate the hydraulics on a Fork Lift Truck by the age of 3 (the only thing that stopped her properly driving it was that she couldn't reach the pedals), and why she can identify every make of car on the road. Oh yeh, I teach her 'proper' stuff. In fact I reckon I am a bit like that wise old teacher in the film 'Karate Kid' (except that I haven't got grey hair and I'm not a bloke).

Just yesterday, Izzy made me swell with pride because her best friend's Dad had just bought a new car. The best friend described the car as 'black and shiney', and Izzy described it as an 'Audi A4'. I like that attention to detail, and I patted her on the head as a reward.

So, talking of skills, Izzy and I were in the car recently, driving home from the cinema and having a bit of a chat, when she turned to me and asked, "Mama, can you show me how to put on make-up when we get home?" [Note: she has taken to calling me Mama ever since her skiing holiday in France last year. She even pronounces it like a Frenchy for chrissake].

Pic.No.1 Izzy in the car. She had nicked my bloody sunglasses to look cool

"Teach you how to put on make-up?" I recoiled in horror. "How about I teach you how to service a car instead?" I suggested, "that would be much more useful."

"I don't want to service the car," she replied, "I want you to show me how to put on make-up."

Ah bugger. The kid wasn't budging.

"OK," I said resignedly, "I'll show you when we get home." And then I changed the subject for the rest of the journey in the hope that she would forget. Fat chance.

The minute I opened the house door, she turned to me, grinned, and said "show me how to do make-up!"

"Alright," I sighed, before suggesting "I will put make-up on myself so that you can see how I do it, and then you can try it for yourself."

"YAY!" shouted Izzy jumping up and down.

I got my make-up bag, and sat down beside her, painstakingly applying my schlap. The whole time Izzy eyed me intently. So intently that she didn't notice the bit of dribble coming out of the corner of her mouth. I finally finished, "it's your turn," I said, handing her the make-up bag and watching her scuttle off upstairs to her bedroom.

45 minutes later, I heard the sound of her feet descending the stairs and a little voice shouting, "I'm ready!"

And she was a sight to behold ..................................................

I really didn't expect this ...........................................................

So had the make-up lesson paid off? ..........................................

Pic.No.2. In a word, 'NOPE'

Izzy however, was ecstatic with her achievements, "do you think I look beautiful Mama?"

After my initial shock, I decided to encourage her efforts by saying, "Of course you do dahlink -  you look just like a princess. Now go and wash it off because we have got to go to the supermarket."

"I'm not washing it off," she replied indignantly.

"But we've got to go out, and you can't go like that," I cajoled.

"Why can't I go out like this? You said that I looked beautiful," she retorted. Game, Set, and Match to Izzy.

And so my dear reader, I had to endure taking Izzy to the supermarket looking like, well, 'that'. And if watching all the strangers point and mutter 'bad mother' wasn't enough, I accidentally bumped into at least three of Izzy's schoolmates and their parents (I never normally see anyone I know in the supermarket for chrissake).

I tell you what, if Izzy's new school nickname isn't 'White Trash Kid', I will eat Naughty George .....  raw.

Should have stuck to teaching her how to service a car.

P.S. So have you got any embarrassing kid moments that you would like to share in order to make me feel any better?!


  1. i don't understand. what's wrong with her make-up?

  2. No but I got one re: Jim at Wreck Beach in Vancouver. That's as far as I will go.....lmao!
    PS thanks for joining Sophie's blog..she's all skittles and skattles after hearing so much about you! Cheeky Cheers!

  3. You taught her well.....she has not gone over the top with too much eye makeup, concentrating on the lips.

    The one that comes to mind from years back... middle child, about 2 yrs old so speech not completely clear.
    We went to a Thomas the Tank engine day and he spent all day calling Sir Topham Hatt, fuc-introller (fat controller)!


  4. ummm I'm thinking.... The Joker here.
    I don't really wear make up so I haven't had to go through the whole, "Mama can you show me how to put on make up" thing. I'm more of a, " Jess, can I borrow your mascara & foundation please?" kind of mum. Bless her - she lets me.

    I have told Jess to go to a car mechanics class to met " Hot blokes " though...not that I ever did ... being a non drive... but a girl can dream.

  5. The question that crosses my mind is that if you taught Izzy to do that, then what did you look like with your war paint on?

    Just a thought!!!

  6. Oh, my... :O

    That's okay. I'm sure Lady Gaga started out the same way and look how well that's worked out.


  7. What's wrong with her make-up...I don't get it...LOL YOU are after all who she is modeling after and we still love and respect you! LOL *muah*

  8. Ok...please don't mind me, but I am going to steal a word that you use but Americans don't generally.

    CRICKEY! Were you showing her how to become the makeup woman for Courtney Love? LOL

    This was awesome! However, I am finding it seriously suspect that there was no picture of YOUR makeup job for comparison! How are we to know that she didn't replicate your handiwork perfectly? Hmmmm...? Yes, very suspect indeed! =)

  9. Crikey.. she copied your make up exactly... !

  10. Too freaking adorable. And you are a hilarious and fun mom.

  11. Oh bless her....she IS beautiful! Thanks for making me howl with laughter again! xxxxxxxxx

  12. The ladies behind the makeup counters will love her - one lipstick per one good application, they will be able to afford to retire.

    You have one adorable little girl there, with or without her likspit, as my daughter used to call it.

  13. Well, Wise Old Teacher, it seems like you're doing a great job with Little Grasshopper. Not many moms would sacrifice their own humility for the sake of their daughter's pride. Well done!

  14. I agree with bad penny. Take a look at this picture and tell me your daughter wasn't using it as a point of reference.

  15. LOL Grumpy.... my god that is so similar it is scary!

  16. This was hilarious! Izzy made a good point and you responded the only way you could.....being the great Mom that you are!!!!!

  17. Oh crikey, I am not that good a Mom. All my friends who had babies said; "shit, if you can do it, anyone can."

    Yeh, all of them without fail. The bastards!! *wink*

  18. By the age of 10 I could change a car wheel and the tyre on the wheel, change the oil on a bus, car, lorry and tractor, bleed the hydraulics on a Ford 3000, change an exhaust system (but needed a bit of help with the manifold), drive a tractor, operate a bailer (we didn't have FLTs in them days), stack bales so they'd withstand all weather.

    But I'll tell you this, I was absolutely shit at putting on makeup.


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