Friday, 4 February 2011

My dog is a git

The weather has been a complete horror today. Dull, grey, drizzly rain, and blowing a gale to boot. So I was pretty pissed off that I owned a dog because it meant that the bastard needed to be taken for a walk.

I wrapped up in my scarf, coat and hat, and braved the wilds of the Oxfordshire countryside. I was traipsing through a remote and water-sodden field about a mile outside my village, when I spotted a stranger in the distance walking towards me. As she got closer, Naughty George also spotted her and ran towards her at full pelt, before jumping up and causing her to reel backwards.

"Aw, shit," I thought to myself, running towards the stranger in order to try and put NG on his leash.

When I reached her, she was standing stock-still with her arms in the air, staring wearily at Naughty George who was at her feet, gazing into the distance and barking vacuously. For chrissake, he looked like he was boring himself.

"Is that Naughty George?" The strange lady asked, pointing at my little black mutt.

Oh my god. She knew my dog's name. "Yes, that's Naughty George," I replied suspiciously (for all I know she could be a dog stalker).

"Thought so," she said, "I've heard about him."

"Have you?" I asked with surprise. And then I was thinking, 'bloody hell, a stranger knows all about my dog'. And something told me that it wasn't a good thing. Especially after seeing the expression on her face.

I decided to make a sharp exit. I clipped the leash onto his collar and dragged him away; "Come on Naughty George, time to go!" I shouted cheerily (it was a weedy attempt to diffuse any potential situation).

We ran off into the distance with me shouting "Byeeeee" to the random lady, and waving manically behind me.

Once I arrived back home, I pondered the situation, and there was only one conclusion; Naughty George really had gained a 'bad rep' in my home village of Forest Hill.

I decided to give him a stern talking to.

Pic.No.1 I awoke him from his slumbers and he seemed a bit surprised. But I got straight down to business........

Pic.No.2 "Naughty George, you've got yourself a bad rep," I explained to him in a firm fashion. At first I thought I was getting through to him, but then .........................

 Pic.No.3 He decided that rearranging his fleas was more interesting than receiving a bollocking. The git. (P.S. Look, he is scratching so fast that his back leg is a blur)

If getting a bad rep in the village wasn't bad enough. My dear daughter Izzy today informed me that she didn't like staying in our house 'because Naughty George stinks'.

So, as well as intimidating random villagers, Naughty George had also prompted my five-year-old daughter into asking if she could move out of home.

Now then, do you have any problematic pets?

P.S. I must admit that Naughty George does stink. He is lying in his basket next to me and I can barely see him for the fug cloud that is surrounding him. Maybe it is time for a bath, because he hasn't had one for a couple of years.


  1. Perhaps your village is reading your blog! I wouldn't put it past them, except for the fact they think good customer service is squeezing weightless air from a bag of tomatoes! BUT it does make you think...what IF your village is stalking your blog! You may need a pen name!

    Oh and give the poor doggie a bath! If nothing else it would make an EXCELLENT BLOG POST! Mebbe 2!

  2. if there's one thing i've learned from watching melrose place, and there isn't, it's that if your reputation's been trashed, it was probably an an ex girlfriend.

    now, then. who has naughty george been running around with? what heart has been broken? who would want this revenge?

    and before you say anything, no, it was NOT me. i'm completely over him. the cad.

    but...will you tell him i said hello?

  3. Your life seems to be filled with animals, ie, cocks and bastards! You make me laugh, going to follow you, by the way I live in Swindon so not far from you. I saved a neighbours dog today. One of our fences came down and it was in our garden, as we having building work down at the moment, I looked like a right idiot running down the road after it! I am now hailed a hero in the neighbourhood!

  4. What is going on in your life it is full of cocks and bastards! I saved a neighbours dog today, I am a local hero. One of our fences blew down and it ran out into the road, oh yes I ran after it, looked a right idiot. You make me laugh. I will follow you.
    Ps I live in Swindon, not far from you.

  5. Naughty George probably has a secret blog in which he writes about you...

    The only problematic creatures around here are myself, my husband and a blue tit that makes a nuisance of itself on our windowframe. "Oy! There's a sparrow on my fatball, get it off there!" it taps, in morse code or some titmouse sort of code.

  6. Naughty George looks like he takes your tellings-off with a pinch of salt. He's incurable. But very entertaining.

  7. Please give NG a bath... I can smell him from here!

  8. Ha ha ha, I love that a random stranger has heard of NG! He is fanous! Or is that infamous???

    Our dogs are equally over-enthusiastic, and jump at and on strangers; our saving grace is that Alfie especially is small so his cuteness carries him with most people. Although we did notice yesterday that his jumping is getting higher....

  9. We have two dogs and two cats and they are (for the most part) extremely well behaved.... BUT... our one dog is a great dane puppy and without intending to he knocks us over, steps on our feet, and in generally a nuisance. When we went to get him fixed my four year old told him the vet was about to take his babies because our house is too small!

  10. ""the wilds of the Oxfordshire countryside" - you've gone soft! And NG was a Gent when I met him - lovely bloke."

  11. Hello Tracey and welcome! It's always great to have new followers. Just over to check out your blog!

  12. Oh dear Naughty George is notorious ! mind you he will be forever remembered because of it...the bad boys are always more fun !

    Dillon was hyper on the beach in the wind yesterday & I got a disaprooving look from some git. Dillon however got a stern talking to from me infront of everyone - bovvered ? not a jot.

  13. Naughty George sounds a lot like DD2's lab...maybe she should change his name to Naughty Becks...LOL

    Tucker isn't a problem though. Unless having to cut poop from the hair on his hind quarters counts!

  14. I have 3 four-legged children in the home and I have decided that I will dedicate a blog post to each of them at some point. Although, Clifford, the mental case, will need an entire blog of his own. He is my problem child for sure! I have mentioned him in the past. He can be so cute but those moments are few and far between! I have to say though, I have not had a stranger address him by name but that could be because I walk him about as much as you bathe Naughty George! I say, props to NG as he seems to be on his way to fame!

  15. Honestly! If you can't see him because of his "fug" maybe his reputation precedes him because people can smell him coming? =)

    I vote bath too...waiting anxiously for the blog post(s) about THAT adventure! =) xo

  16. Poor NG. I love that canine. He makes our 5 look not so bad. Seriously, the trials ours have put us through are too numerous to mention.

    If you're bound and determined to bathe him yourself, at least take him to a dog wash, a proper dog wash, one which he can walk up into and you can stand next to while bathing him. It's mush less traumatic for both parties. In these parts it costs $5, a small price to pay for the convenience. They even have rubber aprons you can wear; and when you're done no tub to clean.

    Please give him a big squeeze from Auntie Michele.

  17. Helloooo Annie! (And Naughty George)
    He's a cutie, can I adopt him? :D
    Sorry I haven't been around, I need to catch up on all of your recent musings (but I do have a good excuse!)!
    I love the way he's scratching and looking at you so nonchalantly - excellent pose, he's so cool lol! xx

  18. Ugh, bloody hell Empty Nester.... I have got visions of you cutting your dogs clag-nuts off his arse and it is making me feel sick.

  19. Gill! You are back! That is wonderful... me and Jewell have missed you tons. So you had better give a bloody good excuse for your absence.. Mwhaaaah xxx *kiss*

  20. I have 2 words for you, fenced yard. That way you could avoid those embarassing village walks.

  21. Poor NG. So misunderstood and maligned. ;)

    Hey, maybe that lady reads your blog.

  22. I typed into google My dog is a git to show my Vinni that there is a subject thread on it! And it means his bits are going! Hes now lain at my feet in mock adoration - actually i think he's a complete arse!

  23. So Vinni is your dog not your husband right? At least that's what I am hoping considering you want his bits gone!

    Don't tell him about Naughty George otherwise they might form a splinter group of bastard dogs.



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