Monday, 21 February 2011

Everything I did this weekend begins with 'C': Chums, Cafe, and Comedy Club

So here I am. It's Sunday night and I am sitting in my warm kitchen listening to Paul O'Grady on the radio. My favourite slot on his show is the 'dead pets' section, where listeners write in with details of how their pets recently departed this planet. It's a bit sick but delivered with alacrity, so that's ok. But it is also totally unrelated to this post.

I've had a bit of a busy one this weekend. A couple of old university friends came to stay; Sarah from 'oop' North, and Timmy from Northampton. You probably already know Sarah, because I spent Christmas with her, but Timmy can sometimes be quite illusive like a badger.

Some interesting facts about Timmy are:

(1) He used to be - until recently - an engine designer for the McLaren Formula 1 racing team. Twice I accompanied him to his work's Christmas parties (very grand affairs), and both times David Coulthard and Mika Hakkinen were there. The pair of them were a lot shorter than I expected, and I touched David Coulthard's trousers which was rather exciting.  

Pic.No.1. For my US readers, here are two pictures of the McLaren Formula 1 racing team. It is a bit like Indy Car except harder because you don't just drive round in circles

(2) My nickname for Timmy is 'Thin David Hasselhoff'. I have included a picture for you below (I nicked it off his facebook page because my super-dooper camera still hasn't arrived), but I have to point out that he looks more like The Hoff when you see him in real life.

Pic.No.2. Timmy (left) and The Hoff. Obviously Timmy is a younger version

'So what the bloody hell did you and your chums get up to?' I hear you cry.

Well, because I am the hostess with the leastess, with my attention to detail generally hovering between mediocrity and neglect, I had forgotten to get any food in for lunch when they arrived.

Thin David Hasselhoff (herein referred to as TDH) called me a 'useless bint', and we ended up going to the Tick Tock cafe in Cowley (a suburb of Oxford) and shovelling all-day-breakfasts down our necks. I could physically see my waist size increasing with each mouthful which was quite disturbing.

Once lunch was over and we were back at my house, it was getting on for 4pm and it was then that I announced my grand plan.

"I have planned a night out for us," I said to my chums, "and you are going to like it, and it is going to redeem me from the fact that I forgot to get food in for lunch.

Timmy and Sarah looked at me in a withering fashion.

"Go on," replied Sarah suspiciously, "what hairbrained scheme have you come up with this time?"

"I have booked us tickets for the Glee Club!" I pronounced, pleased with myself.

"What the bloody hell is the Glee Club?" asked TDH, "please tell me it's not a lapdancing club." (Timmy is weird like that).

"Nope, unfortunately they were fully booked. The Glee Club is a comedy club," I said proudly.

"That's sounds like quite a good idea," Timmy said, with surprise on his face.

"For you," Sarah added. 

"Why thank you," I beamed.

The plan involved us getting a bus into Oxford because we all fancied having a bit of a drink. Not being a fan of buses (I rarely use them because you can't upgrade to Business Class), I wasn't quite sure how they worked.

It started off fine; we paid our £1.60 each, and sat back as the bus started its 20 minute journey to Oxford. But as we neared our destination, things went a bit pear-shaped. Apparently, if you want to get off, you need to press a button which sounds a bell, and subsequently alerts the driver. I didn't know that, and there were no signs about it.

So we ended missing our stop, with me shouting, "we needed to get off there (pointing to a rapidly vanishing bus-stop out of the back window), how do we get this thing to stop and let us off?"

"Why didn't you press the bell?" asked Sarah with exasperation (she is a bus veteran).

"I didn't know that I had to," I replied, "there's no signs telling me to press a bloomin' bell if I want to get off."

"Bloody useless," Sarah muttered.

So apart from the fact that we accidentally ended up in the wrong part of Oxford, and had to walk a mile or so to the Glee Club (Timmy wasn't happy because he'd pulled a muscle in his thigh and each step was agony, and Sarah had got arthritis in her knees - blimey, it was like taking your Grandparents out), the night went swimmingly. 

I don't know if you have ever been to a comedy club before, but it normally involves three comedians plus a compere, each doing a stand-up slot, and it is a great crack. There are always 'hen' and 'stag' parties there, and this time, the hen party was relatively easy to spot because they were all dressed as nuns. Well either that, or they were real nuns who found the convent a bit boring, which is understandable.

Pic.No.3. This is what it looks like in the Glee Club. This obviously isn't my photograph because I still haven't got a camera, so I nicked it from the internet

As the night drew to a close and we left the Glee Club to get a taxi, TDH looked at me with genuine surprise on his face; "that was a really good night out," he said.

"That's why my super-hero name is night-out woman," I said.

"Who calls you that?" asked TDH.

"No one really, it's a bit self-fashioned thinking about it," I replied.

"Thought so," added Sarah.

Blimey, you just can't get the chums these days.

P.S. So what did you get up to this weekend?


  1. What did I get up to this weekend?

    I refer the lady to the question I answered a few postings ago!!! I played trains.

    You had a good night out, shame it was more through luck than judgement!!!!

  2. If there was a blog award for the 'fastest commenter on a blog', I would award it to you Robert! You are lightening quick.

    Oh yes, I read your weekend blog, so my question is a little behind the times... oops. Tardy me!

  3. Well I picked up your blog off of Bodacious Boomer. SO glad I did. You are very entertaining and something I want to keep up with. I am going to follow you. If you would not mind rabbiting over to my blog and following me, I would love it.

  4. Some interesting facts about Timmy are:

    (1) He used to be - until recently -

    aww and I thought you were going to say, " Tammy "

    I wanna go out with you. I moved the chicken house, spread chicken shit on my veggie patch & took Bad Dog Dillon for a walk.

    When can I come & stay ?

  5. Okay the dead pets radio thing sounds so wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong

    Sounds like a fun night out, good for you guys, oh NIGHT-OUT WOMAN!

  6. I know I'm sleep deprived right now, but a show that talks about how pets died sounds kinda creepy to me.

    When I first read you today I thought you'd said you were getting it on. Good thing I re-read it I guess.

    Don't worry about the bus kiddo. You did fine. Remember my bus debacle?

  7. okay, i have to admit that my mind took a wrong turn with the "everything i did begins with c". you don't want to know what i came up with.

    anyhoo, what's weird besides me is that i went to a comedy club this weekend too.


    hey, that starts with a c...

  8. Hi Anne Dickens...I'm Sophie the labradoodle of all doodles and my Daddy is Jim from Ocean Breezes. I see you have a dog too...anyone who's anyone is owned by a dog..right! So I'll be following and you can do whatever you! Sophie!

  9. Sorry, did you write anything else after 'I touched David Coulthard's trousers ...'!!! As a massive, nay, mega massive motorsport fan, that makes me incredibleeeee jealous! ;-)

    Glad you had a gleeful (ouch) time with your house-guests, I'm with you - take 'em to the cafe, it's stress-free. You can tell them it's advantageous to them for you to have as little stress as possible. :D


  10. Night out! Oh yes, I remember them.

    Last one was New Years Eve LOL and that was as flat as a pancake with only about 10 of us in the pub to see in the new year.

    Maybe that is why I cant be bothered to get dressed up, go out in the cold for our once a month night out. Roll on the summer. :)

    YOur night out sounded fun.

  11. I didn't have anywhere near the fun you had. It's a good thing I can live vicariously through your antics. These days have been a bit dull, I'm afraid.

    Still, I don't think I'll be listening to the dead pets show to liven things up any time soon.

  12. Do people really have a 'night out'?! lol
    I have forgotten....that's how old I am!!
    What did I do on the weekend? Well, and then I, after that I......

  13. LOL@ not being able to upgrade to business class.

    Yep he looks like a cute version of DH.

    And I will say you are the hostest with mostest, what with the fun time your friends had!

    Aloha Anne :))


  14. Hello Jeanne, it's nice to have a new follower! Welcome! I shall pop round to your blog and have a sneaky peek!

  15. Eh up Penny! You do need to get out more if chicken shit is the highlight of your weekend. Get your arse over to mine and I will take you on a much deserved night out ;-)

    Don't joke about Timmy being a Tammy. I know someone who underwent a sex change (NOT Timmy). One day he was called Phil and the next day he showed up for work as Lisa. I was a bit surprised especially as he was sporting a nice pair of knockers.

  16. Why thank you Brahm, it's good to hear you dropping in my superhero name!

    The dead pets section is awesome. For some reason I partcularly enjoy parrots.

  17. Masher, you are a party animal! Did it involve a trip to McDonalds? LOL

  18. Eh up BB, when you say 'getting it on' do you mean pulling a bloke? Blimey none of the milarky for me. I am still resolutely single! But if you have any nice men friends, I am open to offers...... ;-)

  19. Kage your mind is filth! It's fabulous.

    Blimey, you went to a comedy club too? We could be twins!

  20. Welcome Sophie the Labradoodle! Naughty George has just woofed that he fancies you.


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