Take yesterday for example. I paid a visit to the shop in my neighbouring village to buy these:
Pic.No.1 A bag of tomatoes
'Tomatoes?' I hear you cry, 'not even you, Mrs Waffle-Gob, can make a blog post out of tomatoes!'
Pic.No.2. The 'Village Store' in my neighbouring village, Wheatley
Oh yes I can. Get this, it's bloody unbelievable ......
I had done my shopping and was stood in the checkout line waiting to pay. Checkout always takes ages in country shops because in general, village residents regard their trip to the store as a social outing.
And as such, more or less every time I go to the store, I end up stuck behind some old dear (because it is mainly old people who are guilty of this) chatting to the checkout guy about what Dirty Den got up to in yesterday's episode of Eastenders.
I am telling you now; young people have Facebook, and old people have the supermarket.
But that is totally irrelevant. After queuing for about 20 minutes, it was eventually my turn to check-out my shopping. The chap behind the counter scanned all my items and then arrived at my bag of tomatoes.
He carefully took the bag and then spent at least a minute gently squeezing all the air out of the bag. Once all the air was gone, he pressed some buttons on the till, and handed me my bag of tomatoes which by now, looked like a large wrinkly scrotum.
I held my scrotum aloft and stared at him blankly ('what the bloody hell was that all about?' I thought). It was though he'd read my mind.
"Tomatoes are priced by weight," he explained before winking, "and I didn't want to overcharge you."
Bloody hell. So, it appeared as though the checkout guy had got rid of the air in the bag of tomatoes to ensure that he hadn't overcharged me. Bejesus, at first I thought he was taking the piss, but his innocent 'I-have-just-helped-a-shopper' grin told me otherwise.
If that wasn't enough, some old mustachioed chap from the Squadron who was standing behind me, leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "that's customer service for you isn't it my dear? You wouldn't get that in Tesco."
Is it me? Am I going mad?
OMG....I am crying larfing over here. You haven't gone mad you've landed in the English version of a Hillbilly show. AIR *CACKLES* and the fact that the gent behind you AGREED *ROLLING CACKLE*
ReplyDeleteOh my image of the British is now tarnished forever, I honestly thought you all had much more mental capacity than we gits from the states...as it turns out, you have your share of mental midgets too!
ADORE YOU! And if you must, keep a toe in here to let yourself know that you are still sane! Much love!
Widow lady has been reading your blog too often referring to 'gits'... and by the way..Dirty Den was killed off (for the second time) in 2003.. keep up lass!
ReplyDeleteIt would seem that the clerk did indeed do yu a favour...unless of course tomato scrotums are lighter than air...hmmm, I wonder.
ReplyDeleteYou are sane as ever...is that really a comfort?
er, call me stoopid ( and I do live in a village ) but air is weightless. I shop in the local shop and sing with the deaf
ReplyDelete(sorry audio olly ??? challenged) bloke every day.
Have a giggle with Mary wot played Mrs Biggun in the Panto and flirt with the lovely ex cop.
Trouble is, since having a re-fit you have to walk sideways holding your tummy in to fit down the aisles. Woe betide if you bump into anyone going the other way
( except ex cop of course - I long to get stuck in isle three with him )
So...what did you have your tomato scrotam on ?....toast ?
did he look you in the eyes while he was playing with your tomatoes?
ReplyDeletei don't like the sound of this. i think YOU should have charged HIM.
Oh my - splitting a gut here. Are you kidding me????? Tears of laughter now. hahahaha oh my
ReplyDeleteWhy yes, I think you are going mad!! I see nothing whatsoever wrong with that.......you see I live in the countryside and that's just how we do things!! lol
ReplyDeleteThe cashier was being a 'little' OCD if you ask me! Squeezing the air out of the bag? Scrotum? I'd LOVE to go shopping with you Ms.Annie!
OMG! We have just got to go shopping sometime! I must know just what is the Squadron? Are their are bunch of hot Top Gun type pilots nearby that you have all to yourself? That would explain the move to the boonies.
ReplyDelete"Young people have facebook, old people have the internet..." love it!
ReplyDeleteYou are much more patient than I am with seniors, I stare and look away and stare and look away while the seconds tick tock by. Aaargh!
I think I feel a little dirty after reading this blog post.
ReplyDeleteOh my dear... you must start growing your own. There's nothing like walking out to your garden, picking a fresh tomato and eating it right there on the spot! And I'm sure you could find a blog post in that, too.
ReplyDeleteHells bells...that's the easiest question EV-AH! You are absolutely mad! Certifiably so...I have a copy of the certificate right here next to my computer...it says so AND it mentions your "jacket" size! =) Enjoy your shriveled up scrotum...er mauled tomatoes! *snigger*
ReplyDeleteI held my scrotum aloft
ReplyDeleteIt was about there that I sprayed my mug of tea around the room. Brilliant!
I don't know. Sounds like he was flirting to me. And turning the tomato into a scrotrum, well, he may be dense, but that's some trick. Wonder what kind of babies you two would have.
ReplyDelete