Saturday, 18 December 2010

School's out for Christmas........ let the mayhem commence!

Yesterday was the last day of school before the Christmas holidays. Great stuff! Two weeks of a five year old bouncing off the walls and demanding constant entertainment, and then complaining when you make an effort........ you just can't win.

"Aw noooooo Mum, I don't want to learn Newton's laws of motion," she whines.

"Ok, howsabout we have a bash at translating the Dead Sea Scrolls then?" I suggest.

"I want to watch a Hello Kitty DVD," she cries like a heathen, ignoring my attempts to engage her in something interesting.

Kids these days eh? All they seem to do is wear hoodies, hang around on street corners and watch Hello Kitty DVDs. On the other hand, if a Hello Kitty DVD is effective in keeping her entertained, I might be onto something. I have just calculated that if each DVD lasts 60 minutes, I could buy her 112 of them and hey presto! She would be entertained solidly for two weeks (my calculation works on the assumption that she is awake for 8 hours a day).

Anyway, I digress. Back to Izzy's last day of school. For some reason on the last day, they cancel all the school buses and ask everyone to pick up their nippers at 1.20pm. The resulting congestion at the school was pretty bad (the school is in a small village where the only access is down a steep, single-track country lane), and to make matters worse, there was a freak dump of snow an hour before school was out. Not only that, the snow was quickly compacted due to the extra volume of traffic. 

It was like bloody Armageddon. Cars were abandoned, some were sliding sideways down the road, there were parents lobbing their little 'uns into hedgerows to avoid being squashed, people falling over all over the place, and to top it off, the heel fell off my boot so I ended up limping like the Elephant Man. All I needed to complete the look was a sack on my head, and to suck in before uttering each sentence.

Steve and I managed to retrieve Izzy and her chum who was coming on a playdate, and on the long walk back up the hill to the car, we bumped into Guy, the father of Izzy's best friend.

"Fancy celebrating the end of term by taking them to the pub?" he suggested.

"Top idea," we concurred, and after finally making it to the car, we drove to the White Horse Inn, in Forest Hill.

As Guy, Steve and I tucked into our food, the three sprogs went into overdrive, fuelled by the excitement of leaving school for the holidays.

Pic.No.1 Guy (left aka DJ Hyper) and Steve look on wearily as the sprogs run amok scrapping, biting and baying like coyotes

"Do you remember a time before you had kids?" I asked, "A time when you would sit in a restaurant shaking your head disparagingly at kids who were running round?"

Guy nodded with resignation as a Quaver thrown by Izzy bounced unnoticed off his head. 

Then suddenly, I had an idea. I shouted to Izzy and her two friends; "Hey, do you guys want to watch the movie 'Elf' on my iPhone?"

"YEEEEEESSSSS!" they screamed, and in less than a minute, they were in a corner, huddled over my iPhone. No flies on me. My nickname should be 'kid whisperer'.

Pic.No.2. That is me. I am standing next to the fire in the White Horse Inn after kid whispering

And so, with the little dahlinks entertained, we were able to finish our meal in peace. Oh and so that you can appreciate how rubbish the UK is at dealing with snow, I thought I would take a couple of pictures showing the light dusting that caused chaos at the school.

Pic.No.3. Snow in my back garden. It's that pathetic that there isn't even enough to make a snowball

Pic.No.4. Snow on the grave of the dead bloke buried in my back garden. Naughty George subsequently and irreverently pissed on it and made the snow go yellow on the right hand side

Let the Christmas holidays commence! What are you up to over Christmas then?

Anne Dickens | The day after yesterday


  1. There seemed to be something distasteful about clicking on a link which says 'dead bloke', but I did it anyway. There are some things that can't be left unlooked at. Merry Christmas to you, too.

  2. What a great, and very typically what I would expect an English pub to look like, looking place.
    So smart you are Annie to 'entertain' the kids! What are you doing on the 24th when 36 of us are crowded into my Dad's little house? And a few little ones there too. Hey, maybe a good DVD is in order here!
    Great post, as usual.

  3. lmfao - really? Kid Whispering? That's too damned funny!

    Really? Bill - Died - 1956? Was this some sort of insurance scam? Wasn't there more soliloquies on headstones by the 50's? lol I might expect that sort of brevity in 1756 or 1856, but 1956?? LOL =)

    Christmas here? Working. What else do I do??? LOL =)

  4. Eh up Fran! I wouldn't worry about clicking on my 'dead bloke' link. For some reason, that was one of the most popular posts on me blog!

    I am quite fond of Bill, and get quite annoyed when Naughty George pisses on him.

  5. Hiya Jim, how you doing me dear? Yeh, the pubs around here are all pretty much quintessential British pubs - stone walls, oak beams and fires roaring in the grate. Superb.

    You dad is having a party for 36? Bloody hell that's brave! If you are interested, you can book me and my kid whispering skills for £5.00 an hour!

  6. Hey Jewell, what you doing using long words like soliloquies round here?! I had to bloody look it up in the dictionary. It beats my previous longest word, maramalade.

  7. Hi Anne - You are a fine kid whisperer :). There are times around here when even a light snow causes a lot of people to drive like 6 year olds on Nyquil.

    About Bill. Hvae you thought of ultrasound testing or xrays to see how large the grave is. You have an iPhone...isn't there an app for that?

  8. It looks like it was a good job u were there with Elf as the blokes look like they could not have handled the situation.

    It is a yearly tradition for teachers to whip the kids up into a over excited and over tired frenzy at the end of term and release them to parents for that last stretch before Christmas day. I hold my hands up...I used to be part of that. I used to be so glad to let the little darlings go to their parents on last day of term, and I was only a teaching assist.


  9. Inspired ! They didn't have things like that when mine were little ! Sigh....

  10. What are you up to over Christmas then?
    It's Christmas????

  11. LOL - blame it on my edumication (I was an English major). Periodically I get oddball words that pop up from the middle of nowhere that were forced into my hungover brain... =)

    LOL @ Ron - "6 year olds on Nyquil"! That is priceless!!!

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  13. Great post! I love the way you said parents lobbying little uns into hedges (words to that effect), brilliant description and I could just imagine kids being thrown in all directions!!!

    Naughty George definitely has the right idea!

    CJ xx


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