My friend Clare had been asked to judge the competition (because if I had done it, it would look like a fix, even though I am really honest and would never sneakily feed Stilton to a pregnant woman to see what happens), but when she came back with the name of the winner, Gumpher who writes a blog called Mild Rantings, I didn't recognise it.
"Are you sure you were judging the right blog?" I asked Clare dubiously.
"Yeh, your blog is the one with a picture of a pornographic grizzly bear on it, right?" She replied.
"That's the one," I said before it dawned on me; Gumpher was a brand new follower of my blog and blimey, she had made a blazing entrance! This was going to make the interview even more exciting.
"Are you sure that Gumpher isn't the blog-following equivalent of 'middle managers'?" Clare asked, somewhat cynically.
"What do you mean?" I replied.
"Well, you've never heard of 'em before, then they fly in and grab all the glory before disappearing again," she explained.
"That same principle could be applied to Jesus," I said, before the realisation struck me; crikey.... Jesus and middle managers have loads in common; the only difference being that middle managers don't wear sheets and spikey hats, or spend their leisure time nailed to crosses ('it simply ruins the manicure dahlink').
"I wish my manager was like Jesus," Clare said, "I would feel really superior if my boss wore sackcloth and sandals."
Hang on, hang on ....one cotton pickin' minute...... we seemed to have digressed from the matter in hand - the fact that Gumpher had won the caption competition - so I got things back on track by emailing Gumpher and asking her to participate in the interview.
You will be pleased to hear that Gumpher and I exchanged a few friendly emails (Yo Gumpher! You and me are homeys!), before finally, the widely anticipated interview pinged into my inbox. After reading it, one thing became abundantly clear....... Gumpher was a bloke and not a girl, as I had originally thought.
Have you ever done that? Thought you were speaking to a girl but found out it was a guy? It properly freaks you out, which makes me wonder........ why do genders communicate so differently? Anyway, that is a topic for another time. In the meantime... please let me introduce Mr Gumpher........ from the blog Mild Rantings.
Name: Gumpher
Age: 42
Height: 5'10"
Location: Worcestershire, UK
Significant others: Wife, A, Boy 1 ten, boy 2, seven
Pic. No.1. Gumpher and his two kids on the beach
Occupation: I own a company that provides design and project management for commercial building refits.
What do you secretly dream about doing for a living?: Nothing in particular, apart from the obvious F1 driver. I quite enjoy what I do
What are you a self-declared expert at?: Drinking beer and smoking fags.
What can't you seem to get enough of?: See above, and sunny days outside with good friends. And scallops.
What kinds of people are you drawn to?: Active 'doers' I don't like coach potatoes
Favourite colour: Blue
Pets: The naughty spaniel, fatty boombatty ginger catty, and the scaredy cat
If money was no problem, where would you go on holiday?: Thailand, every year instead of when money dictates
What was your proudest moment?: My sense of pride has changed as I've got older. I now get a tremendous glow at seeing the achievements of my boys, however small.
What's your favourite movie?: Cool Hand Luke, The Last Emperor
Have you ever lived in other places, if so where?: Rhodesia, Australia and New Zealand
What do you consider your biggest achievement?: It may sound trite, but it's finding the woman I love and raising a family with her.
What things annoy you?: That moment every year when you realise that you're going to work when it's dark and coming home from work in the dark. It's going to last for months, and there's sod all you can do about it.
What hobbies do you have?: Mostly sport, squash, badminton, golf. Coaching kids rugby now my body has told me to pack in playing. I always have at least one book on the go.
Name the three websites you visit most often (excluding blogs!): Gwlad, Welsh rugby site, BBC Sport, Shedweb, Gloucester rugby site
Have you ever broken any bones (if yes, how?): Collarbone, ankle, sternum, lots of ribs and fingers, all rugby. See note above re body packing up.
What car do you drive?: A Saab estate that requires journeys to be planned via petrol stations
What car would you like if money were no object?: Alfa Romeo 8C and a Triumph Spitfire
What character traits annoy you?: Brashness, duplicity and laziness.
What are you going to do once you have finished this questionnaire?: Go and watch boy 2 play football
What are you doing this coming weekend?: Looking forward to a visit from my Mum, rugby training on Sunday.
Please give one random fact about yourself: I've seen three ghosts.
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P.S. Annie here - yes I know. I have also asked him to expand the stories about the ghosts.
P.P.S. Isn't Fatty Boombatty the coolest name for a cat..... ever?
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