Washing watches

Today was an abso-bloody-lutely typical English summer's day.

Well, it was a bit like this; the sun was appearing in fits and starts. "Ooh," I thought to myself, I can get some washing done and let it dry outside." Oh yeh, I am not just a wine-swilling layabout with a traffic cone on my head, I am also a bit of a domestic goddess. Which makes me a proper hardcore dichotomy. And for the record, I like being a dichotomy because it adds to my air of international mystery.

Back to the washing..... everything was going swimmingly in that the machine's drum was actually filled with water, had clothes in it, and was rotating.

"Shit I'm good at this," I said before pointing assertively at the washing machine, "I've got you nailed no matter how many crappy dial settings you throw at me."

Pic.No.1. Clothes washer and watch murderer

The wash ended and I opened the door to take out my clothes. What I saw next made me gasp and fall to my knees. My lovely, expensive Gucci diamond watch was lying in the bottom of the drum, obviously the victim of being shoved into some random pocket days ago.

"NOOOO!" I said, waving grief-stricken clenched fists to the heavens above. After losing my laptop, my iPhone and digital camera in the last year due to various mishaps, this was too much too bear. I reached into the washing machine and gently extricated the watch like a dead bird. It lay in my palm, motionless like a dead bird. And then I noticed something. The time on the watch was exactly right.

It was alive! Which just proves that buying quality pays in the event that you want to wash your watch. In fact, I have to say, after being on Cycle number 3, the diamonds around the face had come up a treat.

So it was with a spring in my step that I hung out my washing to dry, leaving it on a airer in the garden whilst I went to the supermarket. It was as I pulled into the Asda carpark that I noticed the skies darkening, I shrugged it off, after all it was sunny in Forest Hill when I left.

How bloody wrong could I be? I arrived back at home to be faced with torrential rain and this sight in my back garden..........

Pic.No.2. Decimated. It's like a scene from Chernobyl

Sacre-bloody-bleu! Had I been bad in a previous life or something? I actually had to check the date to make sure it wasn't Friday 13th...... oh well...... back to the washing.