Where's Izzy?

After all the dashing around I have been doing over the last couple of weeks, it took a while to dawn on me........

"What took a while to dawn on you?" I hear you cry.

Well, to be frank, the fact that I haven't seen my daughter for quite a long time. As in about a week or so. Let me elucidate; I am not normally this scatter-brained about where I put down my daughter, but diary management (both Izzy's and mine) has never been my strong point.

I decided to ring Izzy's Dad, Steve (who is in charge of all Izzy's engagements) and found out what was going on.

Me: [phone ringing]

Steve: Hello?

Me: Hi, it's me. I just thought I would ring up to find out when I was going to see my daughter again. It's been ages and I nearly had to refer to a photograph to remember what she looked like.

Steve: [sigh] I told you what she was up to, and that she is due back tomorrow.

Me: Oops, I'd forgotten, can you tell me again. ..............

_______________________________________

It transpired that Izzy was like a real-life version of 'Where's Waldo' (or Where's Wally, as it is called in the UK). Basically the little tinker has been popping up everywhere, with all types of friends and family, just like a five year old metaphorical prairie dog.

After piecing together the evidence and the pictures, I discovered that she had undertaken three major engagements in the last week and a half. I mean, WTF? She is five! She has a busier social life than me, and I am an like a cross between Mother Theresa, Paris Hilton and Justin Bieber (except I don't do sex tapes.... like Mother Theresa ....... at least I hope that's the case).

So, Izzy's diary in the last week has been like this:

1. A weekend visit from Nana Shirley (paternal Grandmother)

Awww, it all started off so promising; Nana had dressed Izzy in a sweet little summer frock and matching sunhat. 'It'll never last' I thought to myself when I heard that they were going to Shotover Park (the place where I used to live off the land).

Pic.No.1 Izzy. A summery little girl

Sure enough, two hours later. Dress - gone. Hat - gone. Sparkly sandals - gone. And what do we have in its place? I guess the best description is 'feral' crossed with 'Bear Grylls'.

Pic.No.2. Izzy scaling trees in combat gear

Pic.No.3. After scaling trees, Izzy finds a mud flat and proceeds to demonstrate all that she has learned at Finishing School

Pic.No.4. Note to self - write letter of complaint to Finishing School. Honest to god, just look at her. She looks like she comes from a slum. Plus it seems as though she is standing in an open sewer (even though she isn't I hasten to add)

Pic.No.5. After the mud 'scenario', Nana Shirley doesn't give up and dresses Izzy in another sweet little summer frock. 

This time, the steady decline into feral-dom begins with an ice-cream...........

2. A holiday with her Dad in Woolacombe, Devon

How cute! Izzy and her dad went on a camping trip to Devon so that they could be by the sea for five days. Awww, it all started off so promising; Steve had dressed Izzy in a sweet little summer outfit with matching sunhat. 'It'll never last' I thought to myself when I heard that they might be going to the beach.

Pic.No.6. Izzy looks like a proper little girl on a scarecrow hunt in Woolacombe

Pic.No.7. Steve and Izzy on the way to the beach. Note that the hat has already been discarded

 Pic.No.8. Izzy frollicks in the azure English ocean. It's just like St Tropez but without the sun or the culture. And there are loads of dead fish flopping around in Woolacombe because in England we like pumping our sewers into the sea. Christ, turd-dodging is virtually a national sport. 

Sure enough, two hours later. Dress - gone. Hat - already gone. Sparkly sandals - gone. And what do we have in its place? I guess the best description is 'feral' crossed with 'Steve Irwin' ..... but without the stingray. That was killed weeks ago by the turds.

3. A weekend at Grandad Paul and Nanny Sue's house (paternal Grandfather and step-Grandmother)

The final stop of Izzy's England tour, was a weekend in Birmingham with Grandad Paul and Nanny Sue. Demonstrating extraordinary foresight, they decided to skip the 'lets dress her up all cute" stage and instead went for the jugular. Yep, straight off they geared her up for action. Roller blades on. Knee pads on, and accessorise with a Hello Kitty tube of sweets. Apparently she stayed in that exact same outfit for the full 48 hours she was there..... except for .................

Pic.No.9. Izzy happily engaged in another activity which could potentially cause injury. Unfortunately she doesn't appear to like anything other than injurous sports. We need private health insurance.

.............. the time when Grandad Paul asked Izzy to do an impression of Mummy and she came up with this..............

Pic.No.10 Note to self - Write another letter of complaint to that bloody Finishing School

4. Prodigal daughter returns home

So. That was a brief summary of what went on during Izzy's disappearance. And sure enough, as promised by Steve, she returned home on the predicted day, and he telephoned me to say that I could come and collect her. I arrived at Steve's flat to be confronted by this ........

Pic.No.11. Izzy enjoying the heady heights of a balmy British summer's evening .... erm ... yeh ... ok

I turned to Steve, "what the bloody hell is she doing?" I asked.

"I dunno," he said, "she told me that her teachers at school said that summer must be spent outside."

"But it's pissing it down with rain," I replied.

Steve shrugged and I shook my head; "We need to complain to that school," I said.

But I have to say - feral or not - danger seeking or not - I was mighty happy to have my little girl back from her jaunt..... and I had a whole load of activities ready for our impending weekend together.

So how are all you other parents getting on with the summer holidays? What are you doing to keep them entertained? ......... We need to swap notes ..... only another two week push before school starts again!