So here I am, sitting at my laptop with bleary eyes and heavy lids, and the radio is on. To be more specific, the radio is broadcasting the Eurovision Song Contest. To those who live outside of Europe, let me explain exactly what constitutes the Eurovision Song Contest (even though it is fairly self-explanatory.... hang on, don't you patronise me Dickens!).
Pic.No.1. Eva Rivas from ArmeniaThe contest occurs annually, and every country in Europe submits a song (performed by an individual or band) that loosely represents their culture.
Then, all the countries involved, have to vote for whom they would like to win. The votes are allegedly compiled by 'phone-ins' in each country, but in reality, the results almost always (suspiciously) correlate with political allegiances. For example, France have never, and would never, vote for England.... and Norway would never vote for Sweden ...... and virtually none of Europe would ever vote for Switzerland or Greece. And that's before I start on Eastern Europe.
The whole thing is camp, kitsch and ludicrous, and yet it manages to pull in 120 million television viewers, making it the most watched programme in the world.
Vid.No.1 Another country submits their cheesey entry
But it's baaaaad. I mean, nearly every entrant could be categorised as a Cruise Liner singer.
Pic.No.2. Could I have double cheese on my cheese please?
So here is a question. Why don't we (in the UK), capitalise upon the fact that we are one of the biggest outputters of quality music in the world, and submit one of our powerhouses to the competition to make sure we win it?
Let's put it this way, if we bunged U2, Paul McCartney, Susan Boyle, or Take That into the competition, we would walk it. We would be triumphant. We could shout 'DO ONE' at every other European country and still be held in high regard.
Then it occurred to me. The country that wins the contest is obligated to host the Eurovision Contest the following year. Which is expensive. And a headache. And it doesn't generate much revenue. Yep, everyone participates via TV rather than visiting the host country, meaning that the money-making potential, is, quite frankly, pants.
So tell me again... why are all the entries Cruise Liner singers?!
UPDATE: The UK came last in the competition (the third time in eight years). Oh.