Friday, 26 March 2010

Hairspray Criminal

After a recent shopping trip to Tesco, I arrived home only to find that a can of hairspray I'd purchased didn't work. Yep, my life is a hotbed of unexpected drama...... when I pushed down the button, it emitted a lava-stream of liquid goo which dribbled down the side of the can onto my antique waxed dressing table. Bummer.

Because, quite frankly, I am a bit of a tight-wad (it cost £3.15 dammit!), I decided to take it back to Tesco and see if I could exchange it.

I awaited my turn in the Customer Service queue, and finally faced a surly looking attendant.

"Hello," I said, "I bought this hairspray, but it doesn't work, so I'd like to exchange it."

She eyed me suspiciously, and asked, "do you have the receipt?"

[Crikey O'Reilly! Do I have the receipt? It's not as though I was trying to exchange a Faberge Egg].

"No." I replied evenly, watching as she eyed me up and down, piercing my outer to core in order to try and assess the criminal tendencies within.

"We don't normally exchange items without a receipt," she stated tersely.

My brow furrowed, and I was starting to feel a little irritated.

" So," I said. "Firstly I only tend to keep receipts for electricals or valuables, not hairspray. Secondly, if I was choosing to pursue a career as a master-criminal, this is hardly the crime of the century is it? I mean can you see me retiring to Marbella on a can of Silvikrin?"

Customer Service Commandant Attendant noted my glare and sensibly decided to acquiesce (yep, I know she realised that I was one of those sad individuals with a penchant for fighting life's little unjustices).

"Certainly madam, if you just go and select a new can from the shelf, we can exchange it here for you, no problem," she replied through gritted teeth.

And so I strutted from Tesco, my head held high, clutching a £3.15 can of hairspray symbolising the victory of the little man over the mighty corporation.

Pic.No. 1. My new can of hairspray ........... oh crap..... I accidentally picked up 'firm hold' instead of 'natural hold'

After getting home, I started reflecting on the possibilities of hairspray crime. If I decided to fraudulently extort cans of Silvrikrin hairspray from supermarkets, I would be a millionaire if I repeated today's process 285,714 times. So maybe hairspray crime does pay?


  1. I know it might be a daft question, but you have tried the new can haven't you?

    Talikg of supermarkets which was the first in the UK to offer Bogofs?
    Answers on a postcard!!!

  2. Like Robert, that was my first thought. Have you tried the new one? Over the kitchen sink ....?

  3. Wow. Now there is a sound plan to wealth and happiness, come up with a wonly pozie scheme of hairspray scams!

    Does can number two work?

  4. Yep, it works. No flies on me! I tried out in the aisle at Tesco when the security camera was facing in the other direction [note to self: should I be admitting this?]

  5. Ummmm Robert, the first supermarket to offer BOGOFs - was it Morrisens?

  6. Nope wrong Anne it was Iceland.


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