I had decided to take advantage of a rare bright spot, and take Naughty George for a long drag in the fields and forests behind my cottage.
'Ah,' I thought to myself once I saw the view, 'this is why I moved to the countryside from London'.
Pic.No.1 Mud and crap everywhere
Ten metres later, I had a rapid change of heart ...... "Ugh, this is gross, there's crap everywhere." I muttered out loud as my wellies got sucked into a rancid muddy mire, nearly pulling them off my feet, "You wouldn't have to put up with this in London. Don't they have bloody concrete round here?"
Pic.No. 2 the mud was as deadly as quicksand
After finally extricating my feet from the fetid bog, I suddenly saw a sight that warmed my heart. After a whole summer of intimidation and near-death experiences involving the cows in the locale, I spotted my antagonists incarcerated in a barn. For the first time all year, I held the bovine balance of power.
Pic.No.3 Killer cow gives me a death stare
I cautiously approached the barn (making sure they definitely could not escape), spotted the main hardcow and shouted, "Hey cow! not so brave now, are you?"
In return, I saw his expression, nay death stare (which I think I captured rather well), that chillingly combined malevolence with frustration at his inability to charge. You know, sometimes cow revenge is a long time coming, but it is always sweet.
I continued on my way, feeling the piercing eyes of the cow in my back, and took the forest path at the end of the field.
Pic.No.4 Naughty George (the black speck thing) on the forest path
The forest path runs alongside the farm behind my house, and is owned by the very same farmer who's cows have been trying to attack me all year. So imagine my surprise when I emerged from the forest to find his fields full of these.........
Pic.No.5. A massive herd of sheep have suddenly appeared in a field
Sorry to keep harping on about sheep. But where the bloody hell have they come from? One minute there were hundreds of cows in there, and the next minute, literally thousands of sheep have materialised from the ether. The change seems to be both abrupt and quite extreme. Was there some kind of flock rotation scheme going on, or had he been keeping them all in a secret location....... or maybe there was some other, more sinister explanation?
Actually I have a theory. After a feature in the news this week revealed that sheep are subversive killers (they burp methane which causes global warming), the sheep share value probably plummeted, enabling farmer's to purchase them in their thousands for relatively little outlay.
Thinking about it, it has seemed warmer in Forest Hill since their arrival............