I was looking out of the window at the torrential rain, wondering why my hoover has stopped working, and listening to the cheery news on Radio 4 today that Britian has now incurred record levels of national debt. Apparently this month we have topped the £800 billion mark, and the badger that killed the cat was £13 billion of 'quantitative easing' last month.
Now is it me, or does quantitative easing sound like a bloody brilliant idea? The general principle seems to be that you spend all your money on having a great time, until you suddenly realise that you are skint. So you pop off to the Bank of England and say, "'ere Mervyn," print us a couple of million quid will ya, I'm a bit hard-up."
"Nah probs," says Merv winking, "here you go. Enjoy!" handing over the swag in black briefcases.
Now my question is, how do I take advantage of this quantitative easing at Baumhaus? Without a shadow of a doubt if someone bunged us a few million quid free of charge, our bottom line would look absolutely fantastic, we could pay ourselves large bonuses for having such a great idea, and even better, have a lie in every day. It's a win-win-win situation! My favourite! I can't believe that Prime Ministers didn't think of it before now.
Goodbye. I am just off to plan my retirement as a millionaire. After being quantitatively eased, I am off to Nigeria to nab £26 million in unclaimed inheritance. So long suckers.........