A trip to Lego Land

It's official. Legoland is my new spiritual home. I know that I could have chosen more worthy places like the Vatican, Mecca, or Buddhist Nepal, but they just don't cut the mustard like Legoland did.

Last time I went shopping, I had received a Tesco Clubcard voucher which allowed one person to get in free, so I decided to treat our Sarah (northern git friend), myself and Little Izzy W to a day out. As soon as I hit the ticket office, I nearly fainted.

"£36.00 per adult and £24.00 for the child," the attendant said.

"Does that include free private schooling until the child is 16?" I asked incredulously.

"No." the attendant replied.

'Bloody hell,' I thought under my breath (if it is possible to think under your breath). I begrudgingly handed over my card and got a couple of small blisters on my index finger and thumb because I held the card a little too hard as the attendant pulled it from my hand.

Admission to the park followed swiftly after, and I decided to succumb to the first thing that tourists do - get their picture taken next to the first 'theme statue' that they encounter.

For some reason, I picked a lego man with a dodgy moustache, pot belly and cane. But we got on well and he kind of got me going for the rest of the Legoland experience.

Oh by the way, this is going to be an mainly pictorial blog because we have had a 'mare' at Baumhaus today. Basically, a container arrived with only me (perfectly healthy), Phil (recovering from food poisoning and hasn't eaten for 2 days) and Becks (got a dodgy neck and can't lift) to unload it. Mare upon mares squared ....... and so back to Legoland.

The first ride involved me sitting in the middle of six kids and getting bounced up and down, and it was ace. The small child on my right laughed his head off all the way through, subsequently making me laugh my head off.

Oh blimey, this is me disguised as a lion, with a small child trying to kick me out of aforementioned 'lions mouth'.

And then onto Fairy Brook, where Sarah shouted, "lean back, I want to get a photograph." The reason behind her insistence wasn't apparent until I saw the image above. Bloody northerners.

Finally, I have a picture of myself outside a lego Buckingham Palace. It got me thinking a bit about the point of Legoland. Are people going there because they can't afford to see the real places? Are they going because they are amazed that famous places can be replicated with small plastic bricks?

One other thing before I go - why can't you pick the bricks off the houses? and only one more - how do we know they are not roto-moulded plastic buildings with the lego bricks painted on? Legoland has raised a lot of interesting questions. Plus I had a raspberry slush-puppy and I noticed that if you drink from the bottom, the raspberry disappears and you are left with flavourless ice. How can the flavour be engineered to penetrate the ice?

Answers on a postcard please. But DO visit Legoland. It is ace.