Today, I thought I would try and dispel some of the misconceptions about Florida. I don't know about elsewhere in the world, but if you say the word 'Florida' to people in the UK, it generally conjures up certain images: a retinue of tattooed (including the kids) and sun burnt Britons, Disney theme parks and fast food.
In fact, if you are British and want to be construed as "cultured", then you have to be seen frowning upon fun stuff, like theme parks, and embracing weird stuff like modern art galleries and playing 'soggy biscuit'. And you have to wear a cardigan and lesbian shoes, and use the words 'superlative' and 'transcendent' a lot to demonstrate your extensive vocabulary.
It all boils down to the conception that the proles thrive on physical pleasure, whilst the upper echelons favour more cerebral activities.
That's why you have never seen the Queen water-skiing.
And it's also why the common people do nothing but have sex, smoke, buy 52" plasma TVs, and visit theme parks. Allegedly.
Pic.No.1 Modern art bollocks. "Tarquin darling. That would look magnificent in the Orangerie!"
Florida does indeed have a lot of theme parks, but the ones I have visited so far (most of them) have been bally good fun .......... despite the fact that they are congested with obese people on mobility scooters (sometimes I think that calories in the US are like cows in India - sacred, and they are desperately trying not to burn off any of the suckers .......).
Anyway, I digress (that's my new hobby that is). Irrespective of whether you are a pikey or posh, there is another side to Florida, away from all the Disney tat. Which is the point of this post.
If you look at Florida on a map, two things are instantly apparent. Firstly, it is the penis of America. And secondly, it is very close to the Caribbean. Which means that it is sub-tropical in north Florida, and fully tropical in the south. Which means an abundance of sunshine, flora and fauna. And on top of that, the whole state is peppered with gorgeous deep blue lakes ...... making it a seriously pretty place to visit (I should be on commission from the Florida tourism board).
In fact I would go so far as to say, that Florida is the Zoolander of American states.
Pic.No.2 Florida is also the penis of America
So, because I found myself with a mish-mash of pictures from my last trip abroad, I thought I would show you some of the sights away from the touristy theme parks. Jeez, I am that kind, I should have been a peace envoy or something. I would lurvvvve to be called something like Banky Moon. Rhymes with 'loon'.
Pic.No.1 This is my bedroom in America (at Clare's house)
Pic.No.2 The view of the lake from my bedroom window. Shame you can't see the lake. But see them flip-flops? ('thongs' if you are foreign). They are designer flip-flops and cost a bloody fortune (£25). I was robbed
Pic.No.3 It's me in hot-tub with a lead pipe and Professor Plum. That's why Florida is fab - you can have a hot-tub in your garden, and the weather is warm enough for you to use it all year round. Hot tub-tastic!
Pic.No.4 And the only thing that people drink in Florida are cocktails. Saves on washing up coffee cups. Very smart
Pic.No.5 I love food, and America does it with aplomb. This is a picture of our salads from Crispers - one of the restaurants that we ate at
Pic.No.6 This is Clare's new motor ...... berlingggggg!
Pic.No.7 A big chicken with long legs - Florida is a haven for wildlife
Pic.No.8 A view out over one of the lakes ....... and there are thousands of them
Pic.No.9 See those pier-type things? They are for launching boats. But the water level has dropped so low, that they are just sheds on stilts at the moment
Pic.No.10 The lakes even have their own 'beaches'. With sand and everything. And that is before you even start to look at the real beaches - Florida has a huge coastline-to-land ratio
Pic.No.11 Palm trees and lakes ..... you can't get more 'Floridian' than this picture
Pic.No.12 Glass of chilled white by the pool dahlink?
Pic.No.13 Sunset behind Clare's house - they are normally spectacular but I totally failed to capture it in this photograph
Pic.No.14 Look it's me! Visiting St Petersburg in the Gulf of Mexico. I loved this city I did ........ totally tropical taste ...... and very cosmopolitan. Next stop ...... Miami (we'll do that in another trip)
Pic.No.15 More wildlife. Apparently these pigeony-type birds are called 'Turkey Buzzards'. All I know is that you only ever see them if there is roadkill nearby (see them munching on that squashed rabbit?). They are the bird equivalent to Rupert Murdoch
So dahlink, that is the end of today's tour of Florida. What the blazes have you been up to this week, and have you had the rain that the UK had been experiencing?