Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Let's do a quick Photo-Tour of Florida. Huzzar!

This is my last American post - at least until the next time I break free from Blighty, and turn right to head over the Atlantic ocean, that is.

Today, I thought I would try and dispel some of the misconceptions about Florida. I don't know about elsewhere in the world, but if you say the word 'Florida' to people in the UK, it generally conjures up certain images: a retinue of tattooed (including the kids) and sun burnt Britons, Disney theme parks and fast food.

In fact, if you are British and want to be construed as "cultured", then you have to be seen frowning upon fun stuff, like theme parks, and embracing weird stuff like modern art galleries and playing 'soggy biscuit'. And you have to wear a cardigan and lesbian shoes, and use the words 'superlative' and 'transcendent' a lot to demonstrate your extensive vocabulary. 

It all boils down to the conception that the proles thrive on physical pleasure, whilst the upper echelons favour more cerebral activities.

That's why you have never seen the Queen water-skiing.

And it's also why the common people do nothing but have sex, smoke, buy 52" plasma TVs, and visit theme parks. Allegedly.

Pic.No.1 Modern art bollocks. "Tarquin darling. That would look magnificent in the Orangerie!"

Florida does indeed have a lot of theme parks, but the ones I have visited so far (most of them) have been bally good fun .......... despite the fact that they are congested with obese people on mobility scooters (sometimes I think that calories in the US are like cows in India - sacred, and they are desperately trying not to burn off any of the suckers .......).

Anyway, I digress (that's my new hobby that is). Irrespective of whether you are a pikey or posh, there is another side to Florida, away from all the Disney tat. Which is the point of this post.

If you look at Florida on a map, two things are instantly apparent. Firstly, it is the penis of America. And secondly, it is very close to the Caribbean. Which means that it is sub-tropical in north Florida, and fully tropical in the south. Which means an abundance of sunshine, flora and fauna. And on top of that, the whole state is peppered with gorgeous deep blue lakes ...... making it a seriously pretty place to visit (I should be on commission from the Florida tourism board).

In fact I would go so far as to say, that Florida is the Zoolander of American states.

Pic.No.2 Florida is also the penis of America

So, because I found myself with a mish-mash of pictures from my last trip abroad, I thought I would show you some of the sights away from the touristy theme parks. Jeez, I am that kind, I should have been a peace envoy or something. I would lurvvvve to be called something like Banky Moon. Rhymes with 'loon'.

Pic.No.1 This is my bedroom in America (at Clare's house)

Pic.No.2 The view of the lake from my bedroom window. Shame you can't see the lake. But see them flip-flops? ('thongs' if you are foreign). They are designer flip-flops and cost a bloody fortune (£25). I was robbed

Pic.No.3 It's me in hot-tub with a lead pipe and Professor Plum. That's why Florida is fab - you can have a hot-tub in your garden, and the weather is warm enough for you to use it all year round. Hot tub-tastic!

Pic.No.4 And the only thing that people drink in Florida are cocktails. Saves on washing up coffee cups. Very smart

Pic.No.5 I love food, and America does it with aplomb. This is a picture of our salads from Crispers - one of the restaurants that we ate at

Pic.No.6 This is Clare's new motor ...... berlingggggg!

Pic.No.7 A big chicken with long legs - Florida is a haven for wildlife

Pic.No.8 A view out over one of the lakes ....... and there are thousands of them

Pic.No.9 See those pier-type things? They are for launching boats. But the water level has dropped so low, that they are just sheds on stilts at the moment

Pic.No.10 The lakes even have their own 'beaches'. With sand and everything. And that is before you even start to look at the real beaches - Florida has a huge coastline-to-land ratio

Pic.No.11 Palm trees and lakes ..... you can't get more 'Floridian' than this picture

Pic.No.12 Glass of chilled white by the pool dahlink?

Pic.No.13 Sunset behind Clare's house - they are normally spectacular but I totally failed to capture it in this photograph

Pic.No.14 Look it's me! Visiting St Petersburg in the Gulf of Mexico. I loved this city I did ........ totally tropical taste ...... and very cosmopolitan. Next stop ...... Miami (we'll do that in another trip)

Pic.No.15 More wildlife. Apparently these pigeony-type birds are called 'Turkey Buzzards'. All I know is that you only ever see them if there is roadkill nearby (see them munching on that squashed rabbit?). They are the bird equivalent to Rupert Murdoch

So dahlink, that is the end of today's tour of Florida. What the blazes have you been up to this week, and have you had the rain that the UK had been experiencing?

21 comments:

  1. Wizard pictures Annie.

    Of course we've had the blasted rain - don't know anywhere that has escaped it!

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  2. Why thank you chick ;-)



    Sorry to hear that you have got the rain too..... wanna emigrate to Grand Cayman with me?!!



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  3. Nice pics!
    This week I have mostly been working long hours and having hardly any sleep.
    But I've also found time to buy me a new motorsikkle.
    If it ever stops raining I might go out on it.

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  4. A new motorbike? Wicked - what have you got then?! Bad timing though with the weather and all!



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  5. I love that like of comparing calories in America to the cows in India......hahahahahahah That would explain a lot.

    As for those scooters though...total white-hot-fire hatred for them in at least 95 percent of the cases they are being used.  Walking doesn't kill...obesity does.

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  6. Hmmm ... my husband should take me for a holiday to Florida.

    It is raining here today (and supposedly tomorrow, too).

    Hey, how was your flight home?  Did Virgin Atlantic suck again?

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  7. Only you could go from bedrooms to buzzards. Loved the tour of Florida. Still want to see the Queen waterski. Just hearing her scream "Hit it" as she jumps off a dock might be enough for me.

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  8. Looks oh so fabuloso!  *sigh*

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  9. It was ..... it's great being back. Not!



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  10. Somehow, I don't think we will ever get to see the Queen waterskiing! Glad you liked Florida - it is a lovely place!



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  11. Yeh, definitely try and get over there - it is a cool place to visit.



    It's raining here too - bloody sick of it - it's been like this all week.


    The flight did suck again. It was one of their old 747s which hasn't been refurbished so the seats were uncomfortable!!



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  12. My in-laws winter in Florida (I think half the population is retired Canadians) so I'm lucky enough to have a place to stay and can visit often.  After I've won the lottery, I think I'll move there and live off my catamaran which I'll dock on one of the Keys. 

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  13. Just looking for me trunks - that hoot tub still bubbling?

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  14. I had never looked at Florida being the penis of the United States, you are most correct in more ways than one!

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  15. Woah, living off a catamaran docked on Florida keys - now girl, that's the life!



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  16. Be quick and you just might get a quick bubble!



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  17. Aahhh... a double-edged penis! You have introduced a new level of complexity into the equation!



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  18. I can see you living in Florida, Annie! That IS where you and Izzy ought to be (I know, easier said than done)! We LOVED Florida....Miami, Fort Lauderdale and Key West. We stayed in a place opposite Ernest Hemmingway's house....which was left to his cats!! And yes they are living there and being looked after! Lucky cats.
    This was a good trip you had, I can see. Great posts too.
    We have NOT been getting your rain, thank god. See, another reason to live in Florida!! lol

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  19. Cheap Flights to Miami17 May 2012 at 13:39

    What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing by Cheap Flights to Miami? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.
     

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  20. Could you tell me the name of the lake you visited? Thank you.

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  21. Hello there, I think it was Lake Minihaha or something similar! Are you planning a trip there or something?



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